"A happy marriage is hard work" - agree or disagree?

[palmtreegirl]

Disagree

 

[jrmasm]

I think a marriage with children requires work (time and effort) to maintain.

 

[NMAmy]

I can't speak for others but here's my feelings.

My first (failed) marriage was work. Hard work.

My current marriage, successful, loving, happy, comes naturally. It's no harder than breathing. Love shouldn't be hard.

Yep, I agree with you on this. Being married to DH isn't hard work at all. We have no problems with communication or compromise. We both really want to make the other happy but that isn't hard work at all--it's a pleasure.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I think alot of people get wrapped around the word "work" like it's a bad thing.

If marriage was easy, wouldn't there be more successful marriages?

I personally think marriage is hard work. Juggling life, love and the whole pursuit of happiness while striving for balance between two people, especially hardheaded people isn't always easy. Everyday challenges of chores and family can get interupted by emergencies, work, and personal problems. If everyday was a vacation day, I imagine alot of people would be more happy.

In my head though I continue to work on it because I want to. It's not because I have to work to be happy; I work at my marriage because the love won't let me quit it.

 

[disykat]

I always explain it this way:

Anything of value requires constant maintenance - a house (needs painting, grass cut, cleaning, repairs), a car ( needs oil changes, washing, repairs), same with a boat.

A marriage is no different; it requires constant maintenance or it will fall apart.

I agree. Marriage requires effort. Whether that seems like "work" or not, it is. Some people enjoy their work all of the time. Some people enjoy it part of the time. Some people think anything that requires effort isn't enjoyable.

 

[popcenturylover]

I think that is a good way of putting it. While I may not describe it as "hard work", a successful marriage requires attention, from both parties.

I think a marriage with children requires work (time and effort) to maintain.

I agree with both of these opinions.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think that there are ebbs and flows to any marriage. Things happen and sometimes you have to work at it and other times things are clicking and it is easy.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Interesting that there are so many "agrees". Personally, I find that a happy marriage with my DH is quite effortless.

I guess one thing that might be useful are examples of this "hard work" that is necessary for a happy marriage. Does anyone have any examples?

I'm with you - marriage is easy for us. 16 years and we are blissfully happy.
I work hard at my career - if I had to work for my marriage - not sure it is worth it.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I disagree.

Is it work? Yes, maintaining any relationship requires you to sacrifice your own interests for someone else's. However, I wouldn't call it hard work to keep up my relationship with my best friend. At the end of the day, no matter how unhappy I may be with my DH or our present situation, I'd still rather be in his company than with anyone else.

Now, maintaining good relationships with the people I work with, some of whom I secretly despise, that's hard work.

 

[SaraJayne]

It doesn't have to be "hard" work, but it diffidently requires work. Just like everything thing else, the more you put in to it, the more you get out, and the opposite is true too.

I always explain it this way:

Anything of value requires constant maintenance - a house (needs painting, grass cut, cleaning, repairs), a car ( needs oil changes, washing, repairs), same with a boat.

A marriage is no different; it requires constant maintenance or it will fall apart.

I agree with these two posts.

 

[brerrabbit]

Completely disagree. I think it's a matter of perspective. To me marraige is much more about comprimise and a willingness to go and do and be with your spouse. People that see it as hard work are really saying I want to do what I want to do and if you don't want to then I have to sacrifice something to be with you.

I enjoy time spent with my wife doing anything. She is my best friend. I confide in her, I share things I would not share with anyone else. We share chores and responsibilities, we succeed because we both have many of the same aspirations and goals.

Have I had to comprimise? Sure I have. Has she? Yes. But that is what a relationship is about. I have gotten so much from the relationship over the 30 years we have been married that I cannot imagine my life without her.

Hard work? Not a bit.

 

[waffles77]

I think that it is not a black or white answer.

It depends on the personalities of those involved. If there are two very laid back people married to each other it might be a lot less 'hard work' than if there were two strong willed people married to each other.

 

[eliza61]

Completely disagree. I think it's a matter of perspective. To me marraige is much more about comprimise and a willingness to go and do and be with your spouse. People that see it as hard work are really saying I want to do what I want to do and if you don't want to then I have to sacrifice something to be with you.

I enjoy time spent with my wife doing anything. She is my best friend. I confide in her, I share things I would not share with anyone else. We share chores and responsibilities, we succeed because we both have many of the same aspirations and goals.

Have I had to comprimise? Sure I have. Has she? Yes. But that is what a relationship is about. I have gotten so much from the relationship over the 30 years we have been married that I cannot imagine my life without her.

Hard work? Not a bit.

You think compromise is easy?

I totally admit that there are things that I want my way and I compromise but I don't like it.

I don't think sacrifice is any thing bad. No one I know can have every thing they want in life. When I met my dh, I was a successful NYC single gal and I loved it, do I have any regrets, not a one but it was a sacrifice leaving the big apple and my life style. It was soooo worth it but for me it was not any fairy tale where we looked "longingly into each others eyes" and I wanted to drop every thing to be with him.

I guess it is a matter of perspective. I too can't imagine my life without "the old guy" and while we too share many of hte same goals and aspirations there have been times when I could have gladly hit him with my car, backed up and hit him again and I know there have been times where he could have made we take a long walk on a short peer.

The other issue is that we've both changed. We are not the people we were when we got married and it has taken time, commitment, sacrifice and compromise to grow into the adults we are now.

So my answer is yes, a happy marriage is work but of course I think having a happy life takes work.

 

[dawn1620]

I don't know if I would call it work even though it does feel like a job sometimes.

I'm no expert on marriage, I only know mine (15 years next month) - we do have to put forth a lot of effort at times, and other times it's really easy. A few years early on were really tough for us and we did have to plow through emotionally to make it to where we now and I'm glad we did.

Every day is different and brings new challenges and rewards. Most days I could not imagine life without him (or DD), but then there is the occasional bad day where I want to slap a Fed Ex sticker on his butt and ship him off somewhere.

 

[happygirl]

I 100% agree

 

[Sabrefan]

I guess it depends, on a typical day no I wouldn't say it requires hard work, but it does require effort. Too many people fall into a rut, living as roommates and I wouldn't consider that a happy marriage but also would require no work, or effort to "maintain" although I think over time you would start to get bored with each other.

DH and did have some issues that required VERY hard work between the two of us to overcome, and I'm glad we put in that effort because we are stronger and happier because of it...but during that time of our lives, yes it was very hard work.

 

[DopeyDame]

A happy marriage requires commitment and dedication, but I wouldn't say that it's "hard work" In fact, having DH makes the rest of my life so much easier than it would be if I were on my own.
If something (or someone) is your passion and your love, I wouldn't call the time you devote to it "work"

 

[Scurvy]

I don't think a happy marriage requires hard work on a daily basis. The happiest marriages I've known seem to come easy to the people involved more often than not because they truly like each other and enjoy being together, and they care more about each other than about themselves. I think some relationships do require hard work all the time but I don't know that those people can ever be as happy together as they might be with other people. I know some people who thrive on drama and their relationships are nothing but constant hard work, though I would never describe them as happy.

However, I do think that a happy marriage does require effort and compromise, and the willingness to put in hard work when there is a need for it.

 

[DeaverTex]

Sure, there's work, but I love doing it. So is it really work in that case?

 

[ilovemk76]

You think compromise is easy?

I do. I also find telling the truth to be easy.


I totally admit that there are things that I want my way and I compromise but I don't like it.

It is easy to compromise when you think of not only yourself. You ask yourself, how would my DH feel if I did this or that before you make your decision. You ask yourself, why is this so important to DH and will it make him happy to do this or that.


I don't think sacrifice is any thing bad. No one I know can have every thing they want in life. When I met my dh, I was a successful NYC single gal and I loved it, do I have any regrets, not a one but it was a sacrifice leaving the big apple and my life style. It was soooo worth it but for me it was not any fairy tale where we looked "longingly into each others eyes" and I wanted to drop every thing to be with him.

We discussed what we both wanted out of life before jumping into anything. Neither of us sacrificed to be married to each other. We found that we wanted the same path and decided to walk that path together.


I guess it is a matter of perspective. I too can't imagine my life without "the old guy" and while we too share many of hte same goals and aspirations there have been times when I could have gladly hit him with my car, backed up and hit him again and I know there have been times where he could have made we take a long walk on a short peer.

I never once wanted to run my DH over with a car.

The other issue is that we've both changed. We are not the people we were when we got married and it has taken time, commitment, sacrifice and compromise to grow into the adults we are now.

We grew in the same way because we wanted the same things. We used compromising and communication to do it.


So my answer is yes, a happy marriage is work but of course I think having a happy life takes work.

Neither DH or I think that marriage and happiness is work. Happiness comes from within.