Being selfish with points - do any other dvcers have this problem

[Cinderella]

Hi, I bought 150 point at WLV in January 2001. We used our points on that trip, and have had some good exchanges since but never had chance to go back to wdw, as i'm going thru a divorce, and have been building a business - so not enough time or money (I live in the uk).

I am now finally at a point where i can afford the time and money to return to wdw. The problem is, my new partner wants us to take his three kids, as well as my own two. To do this, I would need to rent a lot more points - and because flights from the uk are expensive, the trip, which we planned to do next May would cost me about $17000. This would really put a lot of pressure on me - i earn more than my partner so i would be funding most of the trip. We did take his kids to Spain in August and i did not feel that we had had a break - they misbehaved a lot, swore, complained about being bored etc.

To cut a long story short, I have already changed our ressie to January of this year for just the four of us - no need to borrow points, and much cheaper. But how do I explain that i don't want to financially stretch myself to pay for a holiday which would most likely be ruined by his badly behaved children? And am i being selfish in refusing to take them? Do any DVCers out there have similar problems, and how do you deal with it.

 

[TammyAlphabet]

I don't have this problem but boy do I feel for you. I don't think you are being selfish, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Maybe you should have made this a mommy and the girls trip, sounds like they have been through alot and deserve a little treat. Good luck!

 

[dgaston]

With five children, I would really look into renting a villa outside WDW. My hunch is that you would pay less for a pool home and car rental than the DVC points. Try www.vrbo.com for an idea of all the beautiful homes available. We have rented 3 times at Windsor Palms and don't mind traveling back to WDW at all.

 

[Cinderella]

Thanks both - just going myself and the two kids doesn't sound like a bad idea. We have had a really stressful and traumatic time over the last couple of years. Sorry Debbie, I probably didn't explain myself well enough - the problem goes far beyond the cost. I really don't want his three kids to come at all. They totally ruined our week in August and quite frankly made my dd's (age8) life a misery. I suppose i have already made up my mind, it's just a question of trying to explain to him why i don't want them to come.

 

[LakeAriel]

If you are going through the divorce now you need "space" with your children alone. Try to explain this to your new friend. If he doesn't undersatnd he probably is not a good match for your family. Does he have custody? It would be a different story if you were married and these were your stepchildren.
Just IMHO.

 

[DisFlan]

I agree with TammyAlphabet. If you don't enjoy travelling with his kids, don't do it! Take you own kids and enjoy yourself without straining your finances.

DisFlan

 

[Cinderella]

Hi, No - he doesn't have custody, he has lived with me for a few months though, as he wound up with nowhere to live due to bad floods where we live! My divorce has taken a long time to come through after a lengthy and stressful seperation. I don't mind his kids coming on vacation with us sometimes, but i really don't want them to spoil this trip. My own husband pays me no maintenance and i really can't afford to keep paying for 7 of us!

 

[hockey mom]

If I wasn't taking all 5 I wouldn't take any. Sorry but how do you explain to the other 3 that your kids can go and not his.

I agree with the person that said to rent a condo offsite and take everyone. This isn't Spain and the kids might not be as bored-thus not ruin your vacation.

 

[rigsby25]

How old are the kids? Disney of course is all kids. I can't see them getting bored there, especially if it is their first time. Next time maybe. I think you should take this time for you and your children. If I were you, I would be truthful to your partner. Did he realize his children made such trouble. I think it is always important to be straightforward. (but don't complain about his children.) Tell him you need to get away, and you can't afford to take everybody. Maybe he had a bad time in Spain and will agree with you.

 

[Cinderella]

He realises that they behave badly but i'm not sure that his idea of acceptable behaviour is the same as mine. They are very mean to my youngest child. His older two are 13 and 11, so there's really not much excuse. This is not just a little rowdiness i am talking about - they actually even swear at him, and not just mildly, they even use the F word. We did take them to an amusement park here, and they complained all the time, and wouldn't try many of the rides. Before this i thought they may be ok in WDW, but now i'm almost certain they won't.

 

[Deb & Bill]

He realises that they behave badly but i'm not sure that his idea of acceptable behaviour is the same as mine. They are very mean to my youngest child. His older two are 13 and 11, so there's really not much excuse. This is not just a little rowdiness i am talking about - they actually even swear at him, and not just mildly, they even use the F word. We did take them to an amusement park here, and they complained all the time, and wouldn't try many of the rides. Before this i thought they may be ok in WDW, but now i'm almost certain they won't.

I don't understand why he thinks you should reward these snotty kids with a trip to WDW when it would ruin your kids' trip. He needs to get these brats under control before they totally ruin his life and their own lives.

You need to explain to him why you don't want to take his kids. Your children deserve a nice vacation, too. You're paying for it. Maybe you need to re-evaluate this relationship before you head to WDW.

Could you get the Supernanny to come along on this trip? She is on an ABC show (owned by Disney). Jo might work wonders with his bratty kids.

I hope it all works out for you and your children.

 

[Lesley]

This seems like trouble that goes way beyond a trip to WDW. If you can't accept these kids as your potential step-children and treat them as your own it doesn't seem like this is a good relationship to maintain. A father should not be choosing between his girlfriend and his kids....believe me, my dh grew up in this situation. Not that I'm saying you should take kids who will disrupt your trip, and whom you can't afford to bring, on your trip either. Their father should be footing the bill for them to come as long as you have separate finances....and shouldn't be tolerating poor behavior either. Honestly, I'd run as fast as I could from a man with poorly behaved children who doesn't take matters in hand (and who is expecting you to pay for their trip to WDW!) and/or a man who would ever make his girlfriend a priority over his kids (no matter how rotten these kids are, that's a totally different issue). There are just major red flags here, imo.

I don't think you're being selfish with your points...just that the vacation and the points aren't really the issue at all here.

I love the suggestion of just taking your kids by yourself! Sounds like just the thing for this situation.

 

[Cinderella]

Please don't get me wrong here - he does not choose me over his kids. They come here every weekend to wreck my house. I have been perfectly nice to them and taken them on two one week vacations this year. He says that their mother encourages them to swear at him and behave in this way, but i have had talks with him about it, because he always lets them get their own way and rewards bad behaviour instead of punishing it which just makes the problems worse.

Thank you all for your advice. We have had a talk, and he admitted that he had also found the Spain holiday very stressful. I am now taking this long needed break in january - he can come if he wishes, and if the behaviour of his children improves, they can come on the next trip.

 

[lizziepooh]

I think that was a good decision. Taking other kids who would be mean to your children, would be very unfair to them and stressful for you. You and your kids deserve a nice relaxing trip.

 

[canwegosoon]

Please don't get me wrong here - he does not choose me over his kids. They come here every weekend to wreck my house. I have been perfectly nice to them and taken them on two one week vacations this year. He says that their mother encourages them to swear at him and behave in this way, but i have had talks with him about it, because he always lets them get their own way and rewards bad behaviour instead of punishing it which just makes the problems worse.

Thank you all for your advice. We have had a talk, and he admitted that he had also found the Spain holiday very stressful. I am now taking this long needed break in january - he can come if he wishes, and if the behaviour of his children improves, they can come on the next trip.

Glad you talked this out...but your DVC purchase was on your $$$ and I also agree you do not have to fund his children's(by another woman) vacation, unless you want to or you are married. Besides in a few years they will not want to be going on vacations with parents. Hope you have a nice trip

 

[DisFlan]

Good decision. Glad you got it straightened out. Have a great trip!

DisFlan

 

[dis-happy]

This is easy:

keep DVC, dump the partner and his ill-behaved kids. You'll be happier in the end.

Best wishes---

 

[JimMIA]

Sorry...I don't see the issue here. NOBODY has any right to invite other people -- no matter who they are -- on your vacation. Your friend's personal situation is irrelevant. The behavior of his kids, whether good or bad, is irrelevant. Your DVC is YOUR DVC, not his.

It might be wonderful for all of you to get away to WDW at the same time -- in fact, it probably is. Tell him to get on the phone and make his arrangements.

If he can't or won't do it without you paying, you have far more serious problems than a vacation in Disney.

 

[CarolA]

All I can say is I would RUN.

"they wreck your house, they swear" etc.... Do you really want this man raising your kids?????

 

[MinnieGirl33]

I would explain that you are taking your girls and if he (& he alone) would like to join you, fine. Otherwise, I'm sure he'll enjoy some peace & quiet while you are away & can look forward to a nice dinner out when you & your kids return.

This is your DVC to do with as you please. To me it's along the same lines as parents or in-laws (or whomever) assuming they are "entitled" to come with because "it doesn't cost you anything".

There's no way I'd bring anybody along who I know would add stress to my vacation. That's the whole point - it's your vacation.

Best of Luck!