Do you and spouse/significant share a room?

[Frankie Nova]

Yeah, I'm not buying that "over 60%" of married couples sleep apart on a regular, permanent basis.

made a mistake, in the poll i read said 60% do and 40% sleep separate
you would be surprised ask around!

 

[DaisyJ]

made a mistake, in the poll i read said 60% do and 40% sleep separate
you would be surprised ask around!

Not buying that number, either.

 

[Frankie Nova]

DH and I have slept in separate bedrooms for several years now, at least 10 I think, or possibly more, I honestly don't remember the exact year I moved upstairs. But we've been happily married for almost 42 years, and we both sleep better in separate rooms so for us it works fine.

He used to snore, constantly and LOUD. I'm a very light sleeper so was always moving out to the couch. He did have a sleep study done and does use a CPAP. We thought that would be the end of separate bedrooms but we tried sleeping together again and it just didn't work. We were both used to having the bed (queen size, the room isn't big enough for a king) to ourselves and we tried not to move during the night for fear of waking the other one up. Plus DH has restless leg syndrome and most nights it really bothers him. I've tried sleeping with him in a king size bed in hotels and he shakes the bed so much with his restless legs so that wakes me up too, so if we have a suite out to the couch I go. He has also hit me in the night by flopping his arm over on me. It's just so much nicer sleeping apart.

We each can go to bed whenever we want and not be afraid of the other one waking us up when they go to bed, DH can have his TV on as long as he likes, I can have my sound machine, etc. etc. I think a lot more married couples sleep in separate rooms than people realize. And some people may be too ashamed to even admit they sleep in separate rooms. We don't see anything wrong with it, and it's our marriage so we're the only ones whose opinions matter.

Amen to that!

 

[Frankie Nova]

Not buying that number, either.

i will admit might be a stretch national sleep study https://www.usatoday.com/story/news...ried-couples-sleeping-separate-beds/99818086/
Buy that?

 

[greentea]

I have my own room because he snores horribly and it kept me up and made me irritable at him. And yes, we've done a very unhelpful sleep study and all they could tell us was no sleep apnea. I've also been smashed in the nose by his head when he sat up in his sleep and flung himself back down. I need my sleep, and separate rooms has worked out great. I also like not having to hear an alarm snoozed multiple times.

I think a lot more married couples sleep in separate rooms than people realize. And some people may be too ashamed to even admit they sleep in separate rooms. We don't see anything wrong with it, and it's our marriage so we're the only ones whose opinions matter.

I think this is true, because sometimes I mention it in conversation if snoring or a related topic comes up -- and multiple times the person I was talking to admitted they also have a separate room (or sometimes said they wish they could). It usually takes me saying it first -- I'm guessing because it signals I'm not going to make judgments on the state of their relationship because of how they prefer to get a good night's sleep.

 

[Klayfish]

We share a bed but we have our own blankets. I'm a blanket hog

DW likes to hog the blankets, she gets cold easily. She's only 5'4" tall, but when we're sleeping I'd swear she's 6'6" as she miraculously finds a way to get her cold feet on me...even though we have a king sized bed...

 

[Grmnshplvr]

You need to get a bigger bed and a different mattress that doesn't let the partner feel any movement, plus you each have your own blankets.

I could get a california king and somehow this man will find me on that bed in a dead sleep. him and I share the space of a twin bed, with the rest of the bed empty all night. I would LOVE my own room/bed

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Yeah, I'd be pissed if my spouse wanted to sleep with the dog instead of me. He'd end up with his own house, not just his own bedroom.

to be fair my dogs are much better cosleepers than my husband...

 

[mamacatnv]

For us, the key to happiness is separate sheets and blankets! We've been married for 29 years and have always had a queen bed. DH somehow ends up with the sheets and blankets wrapped around him several times, and I can't pull them back. Since it's summer, we each have our own sheet and I also have a light blanket on my side. During the winter, I usually give him the comforter and I use a nice, thick afghan that I knitted. Lately, I've been wanting a king bed. I love how much space we each get in king-sized hotel beds. I measured our room and a king will just fit. We're not ready to buy one yet, but I think it's happening in the next year or so.

One of us usually ends up on the couch when the other is sick. DS18 will be vacating his room for college in two weeks. One of us can use his bed occasionally if we need to, but neither of us will move in there permanently.

We have an Olympic Queen - its slightly longer and wider than a King but it fit in the Queen frame we had at the time of purchase.

We like to share a room; we've decorated it together and really see it as our little haven, although we don't spend much time in there other than at night. We've never talked about separate rooms but I must confess, twin beds are a fantasy of mine. We are not "sleep-touchers" and it seems with each passing year we need more personal space. I also cannot.stand. to be breathed on - it's enough to wake me from a dead sleep. Happiness would be never, ever having that happen to me again as long as I live.

I've been vindicated! I hate to be breathed on, I actually check which of his sides DH is sleeping on and then make sure to build up a blanket barrier and put my back to him if need be, plus I aim my fan in his direction so as to not be breathed on. I also hate to be touched in my sleep - keep your hands, arms, legs and feet to yourself.

I think it's strange that after being married for so long, you don't want to share the bed with your DH anymore. We don't have pets but both me and DH would both be offended if one of us chose a pet to sleep with instead.

This is not sudden, this has been brewing for years....years. Now that there are actually empty rooms in our house, its a fantasy I want to put into action. I just know DH will pout but we've been married long enough that I am at the "get over it" point of my life and his pouting is no longer up for consideration. I much prefer the soft snuggle of a purring cat to the thrashing, tossing and snoring of DH. The dog likes to lay along side me but his head is at my feet and his nose is facing away, he is the perfect sleeping companion.

to be fair my dogs are much better cosleepers than my husband...

Yep, same here!

My DH doesn't like the animals on the bed and I prefer them on the bed - why does his dislike get to trump my like?

 

[mamacatnv]

Yeah, I'd be pissed if my spouse wanted to sleep with the dog instead of me. He'd end up with his own house, not just his own bedroom.

I like the pets to sleep with me, DH does not, why does his dislike get acknowledged over my like?

 

[Liberty Belle]

We share a bedroom and that's the way we both like it, but I wouldn't mind having two master bathrooms.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I like the pets to sleep with me, DH does not, why does his dislike get acknowledged over my like?

I think that depends on why he doesn't like it and why you do.

 

[nikkistevej]

My DH works nights, we only "share a bed" 2 nights a week. So, I kind of am happy when he's there.

 

[DisneyHardin]

DH is a snorer, but I sleep with ear plugs to help with that. He also generally falls asleep watching TV, so I go to bed alone and if I can get into a good sleep before he comes to bed I'm good for the night. If I'm not asleep yet when he comes to bed then I can hear his snoring even though my ear plugs and I get frustrated with him. We have a King and we both sleep on our own sides - neither of us likes someone touching us in our sleep. I do call our guest room "My room" a lot of times because my dresser and closet and in there, so that is where I get ready.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Personally, I enjoy sleeping with my husband of 21 years. We do have a large bed though, perhaps that helps? He travels a lot for work and I love having as much time with him as I can get---recently I am able to travel with him often (right now I am typing from a hotel room sitting next to him---bussiness trip). We also recently bought a small 2 bedroom condo (about 800 sq ft in total inside, plus a huge terrace, for the two of us plus an 18 year old)---I can be fairly introverted but never really feel a need/desire to be away from my husband in my own room, etc.
I can understand that differnet people work differently and perhaps having your own space is good for some---but peronsally, like some other posters, I would be deeply hurt if my husband prefered to sleep with pets over me.

 

[NHdisneylover]

For us, the key to happiness is separate sheets and blankets! We've been married for 29 years and have always had a queen bed. DH somehow ends up with the sheets and blankets wrapped around him several times, and I can't pull them back. Since it's summer, we each have our own sheet and I also have a light blanket on my side. During the winter, I usually give him the comforter and I use a nice, thick afghan that I knitted. Lately, I've been wanting a king bed. I love how much space we each get in king-sized hotel beds. I measured our room and a king will just fit. We're not ready to buy one yet, but I think it's happening in the next year or so.

One of us usually ends up on the couch when the other is sick. DS18 will be vacating his room for college in two weeks. One of us can use his bed occasionally if we need to, but neither of us will move in there permanently.

funny---seperate duvets for each person is the norm in Germany. I absolutely understand why it works well (especially becuase DH and I tend to like to be different temperatures at night). nonetheless, we hunted down somehting large enough for us to share when we moved here---I can't get out of that habit at home (though nearly every hotel here has the seperate duvets)

 

[mamacatnv]

Personally, I enjoy sleeping with my husband of 21 years. We do have a large bed though, perhaps that helps? He travels a lot for work and I love having as much time with him as I can get---recently I am able to travel with him often (right now I am typing from a hotel room sitting next to him---bussiness trip). We also recently bought a small 2 bedroom condo (about 800 sq ft in total inside, plus a huge terrace, for the two of us plus an 18 year old)---I can be fairly introverted but never really feel a need/desire to be away from my husband in my own room, etc.
I can understand that differnet people work differently and perhaps having your own space is good for some---but peronsally, like some other posters, I would be deeply hurt if my husband prefered to sleep with pets over me.

LOL Sounds like I'm choosing the dog over the hubby and that's not what I meant at all.
Its not so much that I prefer the pets over the hubby but the pets don't bug me at all, the hubby bugs me, while sleeping.

I'm not sure why hubby doesn't like the pets in the bed but I've always respected it, however, the more I yearn for my own space (pets welcome) the more I wonder what the deal is and I realize that I would prefer to share the bed with them than with the noisy, thrashing hubby. Its not a "I like the dog more than my husband" type of thing as a general statement but I do prefer the peace the animals bring.

 

[ronandannette]

...I've been vindicated! I hate to be breathed on, I actually check which of his sides DH is sleeping on and then make sure to build up a blanket barrier and put my back to him if need be, plus I aim my fan in his direction so as to not be breathed on. I also hate to be touched in my sleep - keep your hands, arms, legs and feet to yourself.

You have my official endorsement: Being breathed-on is the WORST. Blanket barriers are a self-defence mechanism. Question: Do you tolerate your pets breathing on you? Inter-species breath is the WORST OF THE WORST!!

 

[scrhsa]

My DH snores really bad for at least the second half of the night, so it's not unusual for me to go to the couch during the latter part of the night (or should I say, morning), and even then, I have to close the bedroom door.

Me too! And I definitely need to be asleep before he is or I'll never go to sleep. If I can make it to 4, 4:30 I've done good

OP: sometimes I wish I had my own room. If I hear any kind of repetitive noise I'm done for. If I hear him breathing heavy, snoring, the dog snoring, the ceiling fan ticking...anything...I have to leave the room. It's my own issues and sometimes, if I'm sleepy enough, I can make myself lay there and go back to sleep, but not as often as I'd like.

 

[gotomu212]

funny---seperate duvets for each person is the norm in Germany. I absolutely understand why it works well (especially becuase DH and I tend to like to be different temperatures at night). nonetheless, we hunted down somehting large enough for us to share when we moved here---I can't get out of that habit at home (though nearly every hotel here has the seperate duvets)

We always call it "sleeping European style" when we use separate sheets and blankets.

I'll chime in that I buy the 25-40% number. Sleeping separate is a lot more common, but people rarely talk about it. It came up at work and in our group of 8 all but 2 had separate rooms for a variety of reasons. I think the number started to rise as homes have gotten bigger with extra guest rooms.

With everything I think you do whatever works best for you and your family.