What a week it has been. First Kathy's letter. Then Dennis replied
Dear All,
Did anyone at all think that maybe Dona should have been included in the decision to move Thanksgiving?
She has done an awful lot of cooking for the family over the years and even moved the Coffey Xmas dinner to Toms River to make it all more convenient for Mom and Dad.
Doesn't she deserve a little consideration?
How much effort would it have taken to include her in this decision to shift?
If that isn't enough to think about, how about the thought that Mom is too frail to travel or Dad's weak bladder?
Is that all forgotten?
At this point, the W.L.B. Coffey family will not attend this Thanksgiving celebration.
I know that no one set out to hurt Dona's feelings, but they are hurt just the same.
Dennis
I thought Dennis was fair but then Kathy wrote back
Dennis,
I am truly sorry that Dona felt hurt and yourself. I really offered to do this to help her out. I know she has been doing a lot of cooking for the holidays. I felt that I wasn't pulling my share. I did ask Mom last week to see how she and dad felt about the drive if they were up to it. I should have called Dona yesterday after I found out that they were up to it and Mo agreed to drive. It was not a conscious decision to exclude Dona but rather that I'm short of time and didn't think of it.
I have been working six days a week for about six months. I only had time for a brief visit which included updating medical records and paperwork. You might not know that I handle lots of files and records for both of them and arrange some appointments, etc. I know that you have been helping with lots of the yardwork and repairs. We are all trying to help them in our own ways.
Again, I apologize. My intentions were to help not to split the family through an oversight on my part. This email really hurt me as well.
I hope that we all can get over our hurt feelings and look to a joyful Christmas which celebrates family together.
Kathy
It is all about her. we hurt her feelings when she changed Thanksgiving and never THOUGHT to talk to me
we later found out that her discussion was about 5 minutes and she wanted people to come to her house because we hadn't been there for a while. Well no one has been to our house for a while and there is a reason for that. Mom and dad can't really travel. especially mom. She takes naps every day and where can she nap at Kathy's house. Well the topper came in yesterday.
Good morning Dennis,
After discussions with Mom this morning, Thanksgiving dinner will be at their home. I am very willing to give up the cooking reins to Dona, who is a much better cook than I. If you can still join the family and Dona wants to cook that would be great! I can revert back to bringing some pies, applesauce, cider, cranberry relish, whatever. To me, the important part of the celebration is that we can give thanks with both of our parents. This is not the case with most of my friends.
Please let me know what you decide and I can plan accordingly.
kathy
Not even an "I'm sorry" She never really said it in her 2nd email so I am not expecting one. We never told my parents we were coming up for the holiday. We said we would decide this by the end of this weekend. Now we feel we have to go. It is going to be very hard to be cordial to someone who has no consideration for someone else's feelings. We are going and I am cooking again but some of the enjoyment is gone out of it.