Help.....A mom trying to understand Instagram

[disneydreamingdebby]

Kerri, you can deny without looking a person's pics. I am supposing it was the profile picture? The request pops up under news or at the top with a yes or no. I encountered one like that but I think it was the user name not a picture. Since, I've not run into anything.

I had to research and contemplate the whole thing the same way you are now. It sounds like your daughter is much like my friend's daughter. My friend feels her daughter is not ready for it. She seems younger than my girls but is the same age.

My girls haven't believed in Santa since eight/nine, but they at least pretended at age nine. They do grow up too fast. Mine are oddly like thirteen year olds. (And it isn't because of Instagram...) I actually had to have a talk with them about a monthly visitor bc they seem quite close to it.

Maybe create an Instagram for yourself to understand and get more comfortable with it. Then when you think your daughter is ready , you'll be more comfortable. The technologically keeps evolving and you still have the teen years ahead.

Good luck and I feel your pain!

 

[mnrose]

I have a facebook account, and have for years. I have twitter. I know how social media works, and THAT is the very reason I didn't want my tween kids to have accounts (although they wanted them). Too bad, so sad. I am the mom, and I make the rules. It has nothing whatsoever with me not understanding social media or being "uncomfortable" with it. I am on facebook many times a day. It's the same as R rated movies. I don't let my kids see them. I enjoy many of them, but I am an adult, and they are not. Simple.

I have all kinds of discussions about sex, drugs, inappropriate behavior, etc with my kids. They are not sheltered, nor am I living in la la land.

But, before they were 13, they simply did not need to be exposed to the mindfield that is Instagram or Facebook. Now, that they are that age, of course I monitor it carefully and it would be closed in a heartbeat if they start posting inappropriate things.

 

[bellebud]

Kerri, I get where you're coming from. 10 is young, but the beginning of the tweens, and things are going to start popping up that you'll have to decide do you let her 'now', or wait a bit. And there will be friends of hers on both sides (some that are allowed things, some aren't yet). It's so much easier when they're little!

My only other suggestion is what if you let her have an account, but only when she's with you, so you can be there looking with her (I don't even know if that's possible... is there a password setup?) Something like when you're cooking dinner every night, she can sit near you and that's her 1/2 hour to use Instagram every day.

This way, you're letting her have a little bit, but it's 100% monitored.
So she can dip her toes in social media, with her mom right by her side.

If it were me, I just wouldn't want her thinking "great! look what I did by telling mom about the inappropriate pic... I won't do that again!" If she were 8yo and this happened, it would be a no brainer... "honey, mom made a mistake allowing you the account", but at 10yo if some of her friends are on it, it's not so cut and dry.

It's never easy! Good luck

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

I have a facebook account, and have for years. I have twitter. I know how social media works, and THAT is the very reason I didn't want my tween kids to have accounts (although they wanted them). Too bad, so sad. I am the mom, and I make the rules. It has nothing whatsoever with me not understanding social media or being "uncomfortable" with it. I am on facebook many times a day. It's the same as R rated movies. I don't let my kids see them. I enjoy many of them, but I am an adult, and they are not. Simple.

I have all kinds of discussions about sex, drugs, inappropriate behavior, etc with my kids. They are not sheltered, nor am I living in la la land.

But, before they were 13, they simply did not need to be exposed to the mindfield that is Instagram or Facebook. Now, that they are that age, of course I monitor it carefully and it would be closed in a heartbeat if they start posting inappropriate things.

Since you are quoted "uncomfortable," I figure this is a rebuttal to my post. I was offering a reason to the OP as to why SOME are against the idea. I wasn't stating that everyone who doesn't allow her child, isn't knowledgeable.

I think everyone needs to make informed decisions for their own kids. I don't think the idea of "13" suddenly makes kids ready for social media. I think it depends on the kids. Certainly, there are adults who use social media who are less responsible than a 13 year old.

I don't see it the same as movies, and I use the ratings of movies as guidelines. For example, my daughter really wants to see a PG-13 movie. Either dh or I will see it to determine if it's okay for her to see. It's not law; it's guideline.

 

[kitsch4]

My ds9 is on Instagram which is not unusual around here. BUT, I monitor it constantly, and his sis13 also keeps an eye out. He follows many of her friends, and she will tell me if there is someone he should not follow. If he gets a follower request, we will decide together if he should accept or deny.

He also follows some Disney accounts where people post Disney related pictures.

I know some kids who are on Instagram, but they are not allowed to post pictures of themselves. That could be an option for you if you are concerned about other people reposting her pics.

My ds only goes on periodically to look at his news feed, and he doesn't look any further than that. I have to warn you, though, that you can look at your followers followers if they are public. You never know what she might come across that way.

Just our experience and some food for thought. Hope this helps.

 

[aprilgail2]

.

Funny story... I was driving my kids & their friends somewhere, a deer ran into my car (I saw it coming and had plenty of time to slow down, but the deer still bumped my bumper). He ran off then (everything was fine with the deer and my car).

Anyway, unbeknownst to me (but no biggie), dd's friend took a pic w/ her phone from the back seat, wrote "just hit a deer", and w/in 2 minutes my cell phone rings. It's friends mom, asking if we're all ok. I'm like "how do you know??" Friends cousin in CT (we're in NY) saw the instagram pic right away, told her mom, mom calls other mom saying "X just hit a deer?", mom calls me. I was like "WOW! It really IS instant!"
!

I had something like that happen with facebook- I had to go to the dentist after work so my daughter was getting dropped off from a friends mom- well they had a car accident on the way home, they got t-boned by a drunk driver at 430 in the afternoon. So while the kids are outside the car and the police are there (no one was badly hurt other than the drunk), they posted on their facebooks that they were in a car accident, then friends ofhte kids drove past on their way home and saw it and posted to their facebooks that they just saw the other kids and they were in a car accident. My phone at the dentist starts going crazy with "are you ok", "are the kids ok" " what happened"- then I get a text from my daughter telling me they were in a car accident and weren't hurt etc but man does facebook news travel fast LOL.

 

[mnrose]

Since you are quoted "uncomfortable," I figure this is a rebuttal to my post. I was offering a reason to the OP as to why SOME are against the idea. I wasn't stating that everyone who doesn't allow her child, isn't knowledgeable.

I think everyone needs to make informed decisions for their own kids. I don't think the idea of "13" suddenly makes kids ready for social media. I think it depends on the kids. Certainly, there are adults who use social media who are less responsible than a 13 year old.

I don't see it the same as movies, and I use the ratings of movies as guidelines. For example, my daughter really wants to see a PG-13 movie. Either dh or I will see it to determine if it's okay for her to see. It's not law; it's guideline.

Since you bring up the fact that it isn't a "law," there is, in fact, a law about children accessing certain websites under the age of 13. If a website collects personal information (as Instagram, Facebook and Twitter ALL do), the website is obligated to jump through an amazing number of hoops (see Children's Online Privacy Protection Act if you don't believe me). This has been the law for over a decade, and is the major reason that all three of the above websites say that the service is NOT for children under the age of 13. In fact, Instagram says "you must be 13 or older to use this site." This is not stated as a suggestion or guideline. It's pretty emphatic. And, as I say, there is a legal reason behind this rule.

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

Thanks for the information. I look forward to reading more about it. My thinking is that it is probably to cover Instagram, much like the theater isn't allowed to sell tickets to minors. Is it illegal for minors to purchase tickets? However, I'll have to look into it.