Help! Autistic son won't wear new shirts

[Tissa]

My autistic ds8 has never had a problem wearing any shirts as long as they weren't button ups and the tag wouldn't bother him. Now in the last year he has randomly chosen 3 shirts that he'll wear and that's it, and if they are dirty he refuses to put any other on. Ok I'm learning to deal with that but he's getting bigger and the shirts smaller. I've tried buying shirts that are the same color but all I get is "I'm done" and they go on the floor. I've even tried taking him to the store and letting him pick out his own shirts but all I get again is "I'm done". What do I do? Pretty soon these shirts are going to look more like half shirts

 

[roseprincess]

Do you notice if it's the way the shirt material feels on him? Maybe you buy cotton shirts and it may feel rough or weird to him? Or maybe he is looking for a softer feel from his shirts? Have you changed the laundry detergent recently or maybe if you change the detergent or the fabric softner, maybe he can tolerate the new shirts? Just suggestions.

He also may not be tolerating the feel of the shirt on him, maybe a sensory thing. You can try "brushing" on him. It is a sensory therapy thing where you 'brush" with your hands on his back, torso area.This helps with sensory issues like clothing.


Rosemarie

 

[Tissa]

We've used brushing therapy on him since he was two years old and the only real sensitive area still on him is his head. He still can't stand to have his hair washed,brushed, or cut. He does smell everything, I have always used Tide and have been using Tide with Febreeze and he likes that so I make sure I wash the new clothes before I give it to him to try on. Two of the shirts are t-shirts and one is a Polo shirt so they have different textures. He has two Polo shirts but only will wear the light green one. There doesn't seem to be a pattern at all with this. Well in his mind there is, but unfortunately he doesn't let me have access to any of this

 

[Pinkin]

It sounds like it coud possibly be more of a behavioral issue rather than a sensory issue.

You may have to look into a positive reinforcement type program for him to coax him out of this routine. Clearly, he can't go on wearing the same three shirts (I'm sure he's growing like a weed!).



If you need any suggestions, feel free to PM me. I'm new to the boards, but am a special education teacher who has worked with kids with these types of issues.

 

[IncredibleMom]

Oh this reminds me of my daughter! She wore the same shirt, a Jessie shirt from Disney on Ice, for over a year! Not long ago, I found it - so thin you could see through parts and tattered to shreads at the hems!

We have learned that soooo much of these 'unusual attachments' are absoultly psychological. It really is like an OCD thing more than anything else.

Here's what works for us:

STAYING NEUTRAL!!!
Act like its not a big deal. Don't beg, plead, or try to reason with him - it only reinforces his idea that this 'shirt attachment' thing really IS a big deal. The more of a 'non-issue' you make it, the more of a non-issue it will become to him.

It seems for us that most of these attachments are 'attached' to familiar routines and places. Our daughter sucked a paci at night until just before her 6TH birthday. We totally redecorated/painted her room and POOF! SHE NEVER ASKED FOR IT AGAIN! (and I mean we had raging FITS before at the mere mention of not having it - she even had to have 1 in each hand!)

We have found that these habits/attachments are alot easier broken in an unfamiliar place. (My daughter had been paci-free at hotels for 2 years before she could give it up at home)

So, my only advice to you is:

Wait for or plan a weekend away and FORGET TO PACK THE SHIRTS. Then, in the most nonchalant, neutural, non-patronizing voice say, "oh, I didn't bring those shirts, wear this one instead." Don't explain yourself, just BE NEUTRAL. Even if he has a 'freak-out', don't change your tone of voice, just say 'let's get dressed so we can go'.

I know it sounds horrible, but this is the only way we have broken our 'obsessions'. Really, the key is BREAKING ROUTINES and STAYING NEUTRAL - don't get angry and don't sympathize!

Hope this helps!

IncredibleMom

 

[Earstou]

With my DS, the shirts had to hang in his closet for a while before he would wear them. Sometimes they would hang there for nearly a year before it was okay to wear them. I learned to buy them big!!

 

[mbb]

we did a social story about how they could wear the old shirt under the new one...(and that way, you don't have to worry about how the old shirt looks!LOL!)

It's like they have to get used to the new shirt while still maintaining the comfort of the old one...and then one day, we're able just to put the new shirt on, no problem.

Lots of great advice, everyone!

HTH!

 

[kdtwiss]

I admit I am a big softie, but I would see the shirts as a "security blanket" of sorts. For some inexplicable reason he has developed an attachment (though illogical to you) to these shirts. Maybe he has a very fond memory from each one. God knows our kid's have minds like steel traps - he can probably remember everything that happened on any given day, just by looking at those shirts. Whatever you do, just remember, and you do -seem to "get it" As silly as it seems, his attachment is real, and I do not think it should be forced on him to abandon his "blankie. He has a real need for these shirts, I think the wearing his chosen shirts under new ones is a great idea - if he will do it. What about buying the exact shirt, one size up, and washing it a bunch of times so it resembles the old one more. Is there a snag on the old one? A stain even - put one there. Have you seen the commercial where the mom takes a brand new teddy bear, washes the car with it, runs it over, and pulls off an eye - then gives it to her dd who is so glad mommy found teddy? try something like that, w/o him noticing. While he is at school, simply get it all ready, put it where HIS shirt should be and try that. As nonchalantly as possible. If he throws a fit, he is just not ready. He may look a bit messy - but his happiness is more important than what people think. He will get over it eventually (hopefully before he is TOO big!)
In the future, once he gets i=over the shirt thiing - I would try to mix up his clothing routine often. My ds used to get so completely freaked out when the seasons changed and we went from short sleeves to long sleeves shorts to pants and vice versa. So I made a point of having hime wear the off season choice at least once a week, so he would remain used to the feel of the different clothing. It really helped him, now his only thing is NO TAGS! Can't blame him

 

[Tissa]

I agree everyone has a good point. He has OCD and behavioral issues. I noticed that he likes to wear his shirts tight and won't wear the bigger ones. I have read about letting the kids wear their favorite old shirt under new ones so they feel comfortable but I don't think he'll wear another shirt on top. I'll give it a try tonight. He has to wear a solid color polo shirt to school everyday and the first day he fought me on it but I wrestled it on him and put him on the bus and now he understands he has to wear these shirts to school. He just pulls it off as soon as he gets home. I'm starting to feel real frustrated with him then I remember Sue's post from yesterday and remind myself how lucky we are.
Thanks everyone for your helpful replies

 

[kdtwiss]

oooh, if he likes to wear his shirts tight - perhaps he would like those shirts made with a spandexy stretchy kind of material - kind of like the body sock? Have you seen thse - sounds like he likes the sensory feedback - maybe a little pressure helps him concentrate better. I will see if I can find a link to show you waht I mean!

 

[kdtwiss]

here is a vest

http://www.bright-start.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=4

and another
http://www.otvest.com/

 

[minkydog]

My oldest DS19 was like this. He isn't autisitic but has severe ADD and some pretty quirky sensory difficulties. He went through a long period where he would only wear sweat pants, never jeans or dress pants, and slip-on shoes. And all his shirts had to have a hood(try finding that!) His 2nd grade teacher told me she found him "odd"--gee, just what a mother wants to hear . Even to this day all his clothes have to be loose and large. He can't stand things touching his skin, not even lotion or sun screen. We didn't know about bruching back then, but we did it with DS10, who is autistic. He has a lot of sensory issues, but not where clothes are concerned.

I just don't fight it. when DS19 was younger and there were times he had to wear something else, we just listened to the tantrum and dressed him anyway. When he was old enough to fight back we usually took his favorite clothes in the car with us, ready to change in the car as soon as school/church/special event was over.

I feel for you. You never know which thing your autistic child will latch onto and sometimes by the time they do, it's too late to acquire a spare or two.

Cathy--still looking for a certain brown teddy bear to replace Mr. Bear when he dies, which maybe any day now

 

[bopper]

Idea for you: Once you do find a new shirt he will wear, buy multiple copies of it and in the next size (or two?) up. When you wash the shirt, wash the other ones too. Then there will be a familiar looking, equally worn shirt the next size up available when you need it.

 

[Tissa]

Great Ideas everyone Kdtwiss I love the vest, I'm going to look into buying one for him I know he loves it when I hug him so tight I think I'm going to break a rib, I thought about going out and trying to find the same shirts in bigger sizes but they are a couple of years old and I doubt I can still find them in the stores. His favorite is a light green Ralph Lauren Polo shirt from last years spring collection. Lets hope they have that color again this year. Of course I would rather find more of the $5 old navy shirt he loves My mom said since he smells everything first I should try taking the new shirts and washing them then hiding them in his pillow so they will have his scent. He smells me everyday when he comes home from school I guess just to make sure I'm not an imposter.

 

[Amii]

My 9 year old son is autistic and we have the same problem with him. My son attaches memories to everything. (clothes, toys, even his rug) When I look at one of his old shirts I see a stained, old, faded shirt. When he looks at it he sees the time his favorite uncle visited and brought pizza, the time a child was nice to him at the playground, and the fun vacation he went on. He is afraid if he gets rid of the items he will forget the memories he remembers when he sees the item. When I get new shirts for my son I tie the arms of the shirt around his favorite stuffed animal and try to have the animal around when good things happen. Then he attaches good memories with the shirt and he will wear it.

 

[JenJen]

You may want to try washing the new shirts several times and putting them where he can see them. The washing them makes them soft. Him being able to see them gets him used to the fact that it is his. Remove any tags that are rough and wash the shirts at least 15 times before attempting to make him wear it. I know this sounds crazy but my son feels that they shirts hurt until they are really soft. I wish you luck.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Jen

 

[wide awake]

When DS was 3 he went through a stage of refusing any pants but black sweatpants...Sacramento in the summer, so appropriate. He only had one pair so I washed them early every morning, then he'd grab them off the line and put them on. I liked the trip idea...that would nudge DS to concede, especially if it was someplace like DL, the beach, camping.
DS is another suspicious one...when he was 15 months old I took him trick or treating...he knocked on the door, said trick or treat...then checked the bag to make CERTAIN that new candy was in there...then he said "tank you"...so humiliating...people must have thought I lied to him all the time.

 

[landmark]

DS 7 is autistic and we have a hard time transitioning from one seasons clothing to another. ie once we are into pants, jackets and long sleeves he doesn't want to go to shorts and short sleeves. He absolutely will NOT wear a sleeveless shirt and lately has become attached to of all things snow boots. Everywhere we go he has to wear those snow boots. DH says he looks like a little Napolean Dynamite.

I know the best way I've found to cope is to pick my battles... I haven't yet picked the one about the snow boots but then it's still January and they still fit. I'll be asking you for advice when it's July and they don't fit. I know that a large part of it is not only the attachment to the item but also how it feels. DS likes the fact that the snow boots are pull on (slick on as he says) he doesn't have to worry about tying. I think the teachers at school give him a hard time as he doesn't know how to tie his shoes yet. Currently we have a deal that he can wear the boots after school for now.

I like the idea of seeing if he'll wear the old shirts under the new ones. Maybe he'll be able to associate the new ones with good feelings and switch. I get a similar answer here "I'm done with that."

Also, perhaps he will give the shirts up when they are getting tight and no longer fit comfortably? I'm hoping that is what happens with the snow boots. I wonder what they will look like with shorts?

 

[Katerbug]

That's what I love about these boards. It's nice to know that you are not the only one dealing with these issues. My son in 9 and has autism. I can identify with just about every post so far and the suggestions have all been great. We don't have a shirt problem but my son does have a problem when the seasons change. I had to laugh reading the previous post. My son also loves to wear his boots. At school they let him wear slippers. He does not care for shoes at all. We buy him velcro ones so he doesn't have to worry about tying them. One time we were in a JCPenney and he kicked his shoes off in the middle of the walkway when I stopped to look at something. I did not notice until a sales clerk came running after us with his shoes. I looked down and he was walking around in his socks. I usually hide his boots once winter is over and he is ok with that. He will look for them though so you have to hide them really good.
Good luck, I hope you find a solution that works for you.

 

[Tissa]

Brandon has the same problem with seasonal changes. When summer comes I have to take all of his pants and jacket and put them up in the garage so all he has is shorts to wear or he'd be wearing jeans in 98 degree weather. Lucky for us he doesn't care what kind of pants or shoes he wears but he has one brand of underwear he'll put on and that's it. He won't even consider putting on another kind. He also likes his underwear tight which I think as he gets older isn't such a good thing.