Help! Autistic son won't wear new shirts

[D L and K's Mom]

One of my students was just attached to a single shirt for a long time. Since I work in a school that the children wear uniforms it was not a HUGE problem....but he like one particlular shirt. Mom finally got him to wear another and I sewed the shirt intoa pillow (just stitch it up inside out and leave the neck hole open to stuff then hand sew it shut) . He keeps it with him at night. when your son is done with his shirts maybe he would like some new pillows!

 

[IncredibleMom]

I love hearing these ideas.

But, I want to make sure we remember one thing:
These are obesessions and the only way to cure an obsession is just to transition to something more apprioate. Of course there are some things we just have to overlook, but sometimes these things become logistically impractical (ie. snowboots in winter). I think that catering to any of these obsessions is sort of sending the message to our kids that "yes, it will be the end of the world if you aren't wearing this shirt". I think the worst thing in the world to do would be to buy him identical shirts. (What are your plans when he outgrows those?)

For us, it snowballs: when I "get weak" and allow my daughter to wear the same thing a few days in a row, I notice that she becomes more obsessive with other things, too. She has made sooooo much progress and alot of that I contribute to constantly "throwing her curveballs". When we were first diagnosed we were told to "make routines, stick to schedules, and make her daily life as predictible as possible". Um, sure and then I'd better pray that NOTHING ever happens to disrupt the precious schedule! I think that is the worst thing I could have ever done!

For example, my daughter, since age 15 months, has obsessed on directions/routes/streets, etc. She would freak out if I said we were going to her grandmother's house and then went a different way: the moment I deviated from our typical route she would scream bloody murder (to the point that at least twice I had pulled over because I thought she was in horrible pain...car seat pinching or something?...that made it worse I'm sure!)

Want to know how we cured that??
We constantly change up our driving route!!! We change up between taking different routes through different neighborhoods and taking different main streets, too. I think it sends her the bigger picture message that "there's more than one way to get to where you're going".

IncredibleMom

 

[Earstou]

We also need to remember that what works for one child may not work for another child.
Years ago I was bound and determined that my son was going to wear the new shoes I bought, even if he said no. I thought, "He's only two and I'm the adult". I fought, but got the first shoe on. Well, as soon as I started putting the second shoe on, the first one was already being thrown across the room! This went on for about ten minutes before I realized how foolish I must look, and that I would not win this battle! There are times when I put my foot down and say "yes, we ARE doing this", but I have to pick those times carefully

 

[Just_Me_06]

Maybe this will pass like a phase or something I think u should just go along with it and buy the same type of shirts and if he knows it isnt " his original ", throw it in the washer a few time ! the material will wear out and feel more comfy (this from a teen lol )

 

[Tissa]

I love hearing these ideas.

But, I want to make sure we remember one thing:
These are obesessions and the only way to cure an obsession is just to transition to something more apprioate. Of course there are some things we just have to overlook, but sometimes these things become logistically impractical (ie. snowboots in winter). I think that catering to any of these obsessions is sort of sending the message to our kids that "yes, it will be the end of the world if you aren't wearing this shirt". I think the worst thing in the world to do would be to buy him identical shirts. (What are your plans when he outgrows those?)

For us, it snowballs: when I "get weak" and allow my daughter to wear the same thing a few days in a row, I notice that she becomes more obsessive with other things, too. She has made sooooo much progress and alot of that I contribute to constantly "throwing her curveballs". When we were first diagnosed we were told to "make routines, stick to schedules, and make her daily life as predictible as possible". Um, sure and then I'd better pray that NOTHING ever happens to disrupt the precious schedule! I think that is the worst thing I could have ever done!

For example, my daughter, since age 15 months, has obsessed on directions/routes/streets, etc. She would freak out if I said we were going to her grandmother's house and then went a different way: the moment I deviated from our typical route she would scream bloody murder (to the point that at least twice I had pulled over because I thought she was in horrible pain...car seat pinching or something?...that made it worse I'm sure!)

Want to know how we cured that??
We constantly change up our driving route!!! We change up between taking different routes through different neighborhoods and taking different main streets, too. I think it sends her the bigger picture message that "there's more than one way to get to where you're going".

IncredibleMom

Brandon is the same way. The first year of going to school on the bus he would have major meltdowns when they had to change the route,which happens often. He finally realized he would still get home just not the same way everyday. We also had to change up the way we go home from places because he thinks everytime he passes the neighborhood McDonalds he needs a happy meal.
I agree pick your battles. He can wear those shirts as long as he wants around the house but I'm not taking him out in public with a shirt that is 2 sizes to small. We get stared at enough as it is.

 

[Princess Mommy]

Can you try having him wear the older shirt underneath a newer one like an undershirt?

 

[kdtwiss]

ok, maybe unpopular - but I think the HE** with what people think. If my son is happy and safe (and FEELS SAFE) because he is wearing his snowboots in July, well - tough to everyone else I guess. I do understand about not letting an obsession snowball, and my son's life has never been about routine, we always change things up! On purpose or not, I do think it is helpful for our kids to know everything is not ALWAYS exactly as planned, but on the other hand there are some kid swho simply could not tolerate that.
Over the years of my son needing me to sing to him in line at the grocery store (YOU are my sunshine, my only sunshine)or dance Hokey Pokey, to the occasional meltdown he does have, I stopped caring about what other people think. What other people think is OUR obsession - not theirs. We have no idea what is going on in their little minds, but as I have myself seen adults (without learning disabilities) absolutely frantic about not being able to check the gas stove or light switch for the tenth time before leaving the house, I can only imagine the level of probably close to panic that our little ones feel when we try to take away their obsession (aka their safety). It is hard on us as parents sometimes, but sometimes what we are trying to do with our little ones is like trying to make a leftie a righty, kwim?

 

[Tissa]

I've been singing the your my sunshine song to ds since he was a baby. When he gets real upset I can sing him that song and he always smiles. I've learned not to care about what other people think when we are out because I have another son with cp and they both are visually impared so they wear real thick glasses and we are always stared at. I just block everyone else out.
I tried last night to put another shirt over his favorite shirt and he acted like I was trying to hurt him. Lucky for me he and his brother wear the same size shirts so I'll keep buying new ones for his brother and hope he decides to take some over. Two of his favorite shirts he took from his brother so there is hope.

There's always hope

 

[Nik's Mom]

I'm so glad I'm not alone. My 6 1/2 year old autistic ds all of a sudden decided he didn't want long sleeve shirts. Well, it's Winter and it gets cold outside. I can't get him to budge.

 

[mbb]

....
There's always hope

You said it

Know that other's have gone through it, and lived to tell about it.. and I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts...

Keep up the good work, sunshine song singin', hokey dancin', loving moments for your babies, little and big... there's always hope