Lisa's Journal (Life on the "Beach" - Part 2 all the way to goal!)

[DoeWDW]

Lisa, I hope all is well. Just stopping by to say hi!

 

[ZerasPride]

It's been quite a few days since I've had a chance to post to my journal. Unfortunately, today is not one of my better days. Negative Nelly is here in full force. I've asked her nicely to go away but she insists on hanging around for a while longer. I just hate when I feel like this. The feeling is like beating yourself up emotionally.

Anyway, I'll go back to the regular way of reporting tomorrow. Fortunately, I have stayed on program (with my food and working out with the Firm each day) but my weight keeps fluxuating and it's driving me crazy. At one point I was 207 (down 1/2 a pound) but I've been at 210 too (up 2.5 pounds) and everything in between and for no good reason. Every single time I step on the scale it gives me a different number. It's very frustrating. I'm hoping that if I drown myself with lots and lots of water, the scale will stabalize. If I've gained (and truly gained) then fine, I just want to know for sure. I'm even okay with it if I've stayed the same, I just want a regular consistent reading. I'm wondering if the batteries in my digital scale need replacing [sigh]. I'll wait to weigh again until Wednesday and see what happens.

On a brighter note, I did go shopping and even though I was under the gun with time, I picked up some very nice light weight sweaters. Unfortunately, it's cool enough here to wear them now. I have on a pretty pink cardigan with a swing type black skirt. I am also wearing my pearl necklace and earrings and feel a bit like one of my heroines from a 50's movie. It's a very classic look. My sister calls it "old fashioned" but I don't care. I like looking like this and I've gotten lots of compliments.

The best part of my shopping trip was buying a pair of black slacks. I picked up a pair of size 14 off the rack and just knew they would fit well. I get home and try them on and guess what? They are too big!!!! I honestly could not believe it at first. I took the pants back yesterday to try on the size 12's which I just knew wouldn't fit. To make sure it wasn't a fluke I picked up 2 different styles of size 12 slacks. One Worthington brand (the original ones I bought) and one Hanes brand. The Worthington 12 was a tight squeeze but I got them on and was pleased. I knew it would only be a few weeks and I could wear them and breathe (smile). Next, I tried on the Hanes brand and they are a stretch style called "comfort waist" and they fit perfectly!

I stood in the mirror of the dressing room just staring at the tag on the pants. I have never EVER in my whole adult life wore a size 12 anything! I still feel like it's some kind of fluke. Maybe Hanes slacks just run big? I don't know and I really don't care. Those slacks say they are a 12 and I believe them! I'm wearing them to work tomorrow even though my one sister that was with me said they looked a little too tight. They didn't feel tight (thanks to the stretch material) and I can sit and bend over comfortably in them so I'm wearing those suckers tomorrow!!!

When I started this journey I never really thought I'd see a "normal" or "regular" size. I tell you guys it was so strange by-passing the "women's" section in the department store. I was drawn to it because that's where I have shopped for over 20 years. As I was leaving the store with my newly purchased "regular" sized clothes, I actually had to stop myself from going over to the women's section and looking around. I said to myself that you don't belong there anymore. Wanna know something? It made me feel a little sad. When a relationship is over there should be some sort of closure and I feel like I've just left a part of me behind without even acknowledging it. I know it sounds silly but I feel like I need to have some sort of funeral service for the dearly departed. Okay, I am being silly now. But I do feel like I should give it some pause or at least a mention in my journal. I want to have my eyes and heart in the present looking forward to the future but never forgetting where I came from.

I am also not fooling myself or anything. I am still a little bit over 200 pounds. I am still considered "obese" just not morbidly obese anymore. How I can fit into these pants is still a mystery to me. But it's one I'm not investigating too deeply. I can wear them. That's all that matters. I know of course that my eating plan and exercising every day play a big part. The part that is really scary is that my goal is to wear a size 10. How can I be so close to that goal? I'm not ready to be this close to goal! I wanna stay right here in this comfortable place of losing weight. I like it here. It's familar. "Goal" is too foreign a concept for me to try to wrap my mind around, especially feeling blue like I do today.

I apologize for being so down and for making my post so long. I just feel like I have to get these feelings down now while they are on the surface and I can express them clearly. I want to get to the root of my fears because I don't want to find myself at goal and then because of unresolved feelings I start to sabotage myself and end up gaining all the weight back. I have read so many people's stories that have lost weight that talk about how scard they were at goal and how strange it felt so they were scared and gained the weight back. I don't want that to happen to me.

I need to start acknowledging that I am more than half way to my goal. I will get to where I have always wanted to be. One day I will no longer be a weight loser but a weight maintainer and I have to prepare my mind for that. Part of me wonders if I should be careful what I wish for, I just might get it. I want to be able to think about being at goal and not feel fearful. I do deserve to make it all the way. I have to keep telling myself that.

Like I said, tomorrow it's back to our regular (and hopefully happily) scheduled program on the Beach. Thanks for taking this short "detour" with me today if you have read this far.

Thanks so much to July, Doe, Beth and Tracy for checking on me and giving me support as well as all my other WISH buddies. I appreciate the encouragement I get from each of you - you are all just great people!

 

[wtpclc]

Lisa,

Sorry you feel so down. I was there last week. Here's something new I learned that may cheer you up a bit.

When you exercise more strenuously, your body panics. It thinks you're going to start doing this all the time, so it retains water so you don't dehydrate. It can take a couple weeks to lose that again (I guess it's quick to panic and slow to relax, hmm....I resemble that!) Maybe that could explain some of your fluctuation if some days you exercise extra hard?

Remember - you're gaining a lot of muscle. This is why you can wear smaller clothes but may not be losing as much as you hope. Sizes may vary slightly sometimes, but not THAT much.

So, let's celebrate the size 12!!

Also, HUGE congrats for staying OP when you're feeling down. That is SOOOOOO hard!!! WAY TO GO!!!!

Sorry to be so long winded, this is your journal, not mine. I just hate to see you down when you've had such GREAT victories lately!

Take Care! Hugs!

 

[July]

Lisa
Awesome about getting new size pants!!!! I am so happy for you. It is great to be only one size away from your goal size.
Don't forget that we all can get down from time to time. I am so proud of you for staying on program.
The excercise is toning that body of yours, so I would say your excercise regement is working.

Great News glad you shared.

July

 

[ZerasPride]

August 16, 2004 (Monday) Day 261 on the Beach

I don't have much time to post in my journal but I wanted to get my menu and exercise recorded.

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat cereal and 3 slices of bacon
S: 10 whole almonds
L: tuna salad with 8 or 9 ww crackers and a nectarine
S: no afternoon snack
D: 1 chicken breast fried in canola oil and 1/2 cup of long grain converted rice with 1/2 cup of n/s/a/ ice cream for dessert

Exercise: I did Firm cardio sculpt blaster for my work out.

My weight is still bouncing around every time I get on the scale. It's very frustrating. But I'm chugging the water and will hope for the best tomorrow.

That's a wrap for Monday!

wtpclc - thanks for your support. What you are saying about exercise and the body makes sense to me. I have to accept the fact that my weight will fluxuate, especially with how much I exercise. Thanks again!!!!

July - I appreciate your stopping by to check on me and celebrate with me. Some days it's easier to stay on program than others. The support I get on WISH really helps me to stay focused.

 

[panfan]

Hi Lisa! Just read parts of your journal....looking for a little inspiration today! Hope it is okay with you if I post in here.

Anyway....just wanted to add a comment about your new accomplishment of size 12 !!! Good for you...also...it must be all of the excercising...the firm probably has really re-shaped your body big time and I think a lot of the body composition is muscle now...that would account for the scale fluctuations too! But remember this is a good thing! The scale doen't tell the whole story sometimes! ( you already know this from your challenge)

Also....I'll let you in on a little secret...My undertoned/out of shape flabby ( and I'm not exagerrating) body is wearing a size 12 right now ...and they are tight! The secret is ....my weight is 150 ish right now.....This means that my size 12 body is mostly fat and yours is mostly muscle....muscle weighs more than fat for sure.....this means something else....
Think about how awesome you'll look with another 10 lbs gone!!

Well if nothing else...Great Job and remember you are an inspiration for us all!

 

[DoeWDW]

Dear Lisa, I'm glad you're starting to feel better. Our lives are made up of many emotions - there's no reason to feel like you should be happy all the time. It's fine to feel the fear, the sadness, the mixed emotions - to really FEEL them for a time, to examine where they're coming from. You've learned the important lesson though - you can feel those emotions without letting them derail your plan of action! You have come a long way!!

I'm at 140 pounds and I'm wearing a size 12. That tells me that my body is more fat and yours is more muscle. The number on the scale truly doesn't tell the whole story. Have you been taking those measurements???? They will encourage you when the scale is being temperamental.

Thanks for inspiring me this morning. I was thinking that my workout at the health club tonight was not a priority. After reading about your success, I realize that I NEED to lift weights and do my cardio if I ever want a fit and firm body like yours. I'll be thinking good thoughts of you while I'm working out this evening!!

 

[ZerasPride]

August 17, 2004 (Tuesday) Day 262 on the Beach

Well, I'm wearing my new slacks to work today and I'm getting lots and lots of compliments on them. It is such a wonderful feeling to actually be reaping the rewards from eating right and exercising. Now if that darn blasted scale would just cooperate. I haven't eaten any different from Saturday but here I am bouncing all around on the scale today. I know part of it is my lack of water. I am trying but I could do a lot better and we have been eating very late at night for the past 4 or 5 days and I know that' not helping any or following up a late dinner with a dessert. But I won't be sad about any of that today, not with these smaller slacks on!!!

Here is today's menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat cereal and 3 slices of bacon
S: 10 whole almonds
L: tuna salad with 8 or 9 ww crackers and a nectarine
S: Dannon light and fit strawberry 4 oz. yogurt
D: beef stroganoff over 1/2 cup of long grain converted rice and no dessert (and I mean it too)

Exercise: I did Firm super body sculpt (upper/lower/abs) this morning. I love when I have/make the time to do this entire 46 minute work out.

That's a wrap for Tuesday!

panfan - thanks for stopping by. I know body shape and toning must have a lot to do with the sizes that we can fit into. I thought I'd have to be about 150 before I'd fit into a 12. I know 12 is not my true size, I think these pants are cut a little generously. But I'm happy to own them and be able to wear them. Thanks for the encouragement to keep going. I appreciate it! I also hope you find my ramblings helpful in your own journey.

Doe - you are so right that the number on the scale doesn't tell the whole story. I have to remember that. Yes, I do measure myself. I try to take my measurements every two weeks or at least once a month. I started a profile on www.mybodycomp.com and that's helpful. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and spreading your special brand of sunshine!

 

[wtpclc]

Way to go on those pants!!!! Maybe you should take averages of your weight. Then, if you really have to have that info from the scale, you could better compare. The smaller pant size and the compliments speak volumes, though!

Keep up the GREAT work!

 

[chrismiss56]

YEAH - New Pants!! I get so excited when I can wear a smaller size!! Bet you look marvelous!!

Stop focusing on the scale and focus on how you feel in those new pants. That is what is important.

First day on WW.........keep good thoughts for me.

Linda

 

[ZerasPride]

August 18, 2004 (Wednesday) Day 263 on the Beach

I finally went to the mybodycomp website and did my profile. At 207.5 pounds, I've got 48% body fat and this is how it breaks down:

This is what the site has to say about waist to hip circumference:

Waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) is the ratio of a person's waist circumference to hip circumference. For most people, carrying extra weight around their middle increases health risks more than carrying extra weight around their hips or thighs. (NOTE: Overall obesity is still more risky than body fat storage locations or waist-to-hip ratio.) For men, a ratio of .90 or less is considered safe. For women, a ratio of .80 or less is considered safe.

My waist to hip circumference ration is .65 which is great because I'm well in the "safe" range.

Lean Body Mass (also called "Fat Free Mass") is made up of your muscle, water, organs and bones. The primary goal of any weight loss program should be to conserve or increase lean body mass while reducing fat mass.

My lean body mass is 107.5 pounds.

Fat Mass is the total amount of fat you have on your body.

My fat mass is 100 pounds.

Your body fat percentage determines what percentage of your body weight is made up of fat. The average male has 15% body fat and the average female has 23% body fat.

My body fat percentage is 48.15%. I need to lose 25% to get into the healthy range.

I wanted to put my body fat stats on my journal so I'd have a comparison point when I do my measurements again in about a month and see what I've accomplished. I've done my BMI calculation and it says that my BMI is 39% - down from 53% which is great. Now I know at my current weight how much body fat I need to lose to be in a healthy range. I shudder to think what my body fat percentage would have been before I lost 75 pounds!

Today's menu:
B: sausage egg and cheese on whole wheat toast with sugar free strawberry preserves
S: 10 whole almonds
L: tuna salad with 8 or 9 whole wheat crackers and a nectarine
S: Dannon light and fit peach 4 oz. yogurt
D: toppings off 4 slices of pizza (cheese, double mushroms, pepperoni and sausage) with 1/2 cup of no sugar added ice cream for dessert

Exercise: I did super body sculpt (abs only) this morning. Wednesdays are supposed to be my rest day but I like to do a little something and this short ab routine is perfect. You really feel the burn and ache in your abs all day with this one!

That's a wrap for Wednesday!

 

[wtpclc]

Lisa,

I think tracking your % body fat will help a lot!! Especially, if your weight is fluctuating due to water. FYI - I just picked up a fairly reasonable scale that determines % body fat at Dunham's (don't know if they're in your area or not). I've heard that doing the measurements to determine %bf can be touchy. Just a warning.

Anyway, that way you can track pounds body fat lost and help with the weight of muscle vs. weight of bf thing. You have come so far and are working soooo hard!!! Thanks for setting such a great example!

 

[ZerasPride]

August 19, 2004 (Thursday) Day 264 on the Beach

I feel like I'm getting back on track today. My weight is not fluxating as much and I feel in control of my emotions and my eating which is no easy feet.

Someone asked me earlier today what my "goal" is. I had to think about it for a minute. I told her that I was shooting for a healthy body fat percentage and that's true. But I was thinking how I would know I was at goal. Will it be an arbitrary number on the scale or a clothing size? I'm not sure. Goal is something I'm not very comfortable thinking or talking about. Goal means you've reached the end. I don't want to reach the end. I like the losing weight journey I'm on. It's comfortable. It feels right. I don't know what I'll do once I reach goal. All the energy, thought and work that goes into getting to goal will have to be channeled to other pursuits. What's so funny is that I've been dieting or trying not to diet all my life. I don't know if I know how to do anything else.

This is not an "I'm down on myself today" post. Just some feelings I know are lurking in the back of my mind and I know it's important to get them out in the open so I can address them and take steps to make myself feel safe and secure so that when I get to goal, I won't start to sabatoge my efforts or worse yet, start to backslide now because I'm really afraid of getting to goal but don't want to admit it.

I'm sure I'll be just fine. There are so many wonderful things in this world to explore and do. Plus I'm sure the act of maintaining weight loss will occupy a good deal of my time. I think I read somewhere that ultimately only 5% of people that lose weight keep it off. I'm determined to be in that 5%! Life today, is good. I want to be able to feel like this and have this attitude each and every day!

Here is today's menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat cereal, 2 small sausage patties and 2 scrambled eggs with a slice of lf cheese
S: 10 whole almonds
L: leftover beef stroganoff with 1/2 cup of long grain converted rice and a nectarine
S: Dannon light and fit strawberry 4 oz. yogurt
D: grilled pork chop and broccoli and cheese sauce with a nectarine for dessert

Exercise: I did Firm cardio sculpt blaster for my work out this morning.

That's a wrap for Thursday!

Carrie - thanks for the tip about buying a body fat scale. I've seen them in the store but didn't know if they were accurate or not. We do have a Durhams near my house. I'll have to check it out. I think focusing on body fat and inches lost versus a number on the scale is a much more healthier (at least mentally) approach for me. Thanks for your support and for stopping by!

 

[wtpclc]

Lisa - Glad you're feeling better. I hate blaming thingsd on hormones, but after crying at my weigh in last week, I think they can screw up a LOT of stuff. (Mentally and Physically) I'm better now.

I'm havign a hrad time with my goal too. Weight loss has been MUCH slower than expected, but inches and body fat have gone down, so something's workign. I think when I can wear a size 10 without them being tight will be my goal. Sorry, too much about me in your journal.

With teh dedication you've shown, I know you'll be one of teh successful 5%! One you're giving less of your life to achieving that goal, though, there are so many wonderful things you can do! If nothing else, you could be a diet conselor or just keep providing us support here! You're a great example! Thanks again! Have a great weekend!

 

[ZerasPride]

August 20, 2004 (Friday) Day 265 on the Beach
August 21, 2004 (Saturday) Day 266 on the Beach
August 22, 2004 (Sunday) Day 267 on the Beach

I've been getting very lazy lately of reporting my weekend activities. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. The good part is that I'm having such fun on the weekends I can't get near a computer to post and the bad part is that it makes it very difficult to remember what I ate over the course of 3 or 4 days.

I did have a fun weekend. On Saturday I did a lot of running around and Sunday evening me and DH went to an anniversary party of a very dear couple. We had a great time. She asked me if we were able to find enough to eat at the buffet. We had turkey, the ham was sugar cured so after one taste I didn't eat anymore. We had garden salad, a bit of fruit salad and green beans. We were still hungry so we got wings and lc cheesecake at Ruby Tuesday's afterwards. I ran into people I hadn't seen in years and they were all very complimentary about my weight loss. That warmed my heart and helped me to see all my hard work is worth it!

Tomorrow will be back to our regularly scheduled format. Oh, I did stay OP each day and work out with the Firm each morning.

wtpclc - I always enjoy having you stop by. You can post whatever you like on my journal. I don't mind. Goal is such a hard thing to know in advance. I figure we'll both know it when we get there. I expect even when I reach goal, I'll want to pay it forward (and back) and still be here to encourage others. I like your idea of being a diet counselor. I wonder how much that pays?

 

[wtpclc]

Lisa - Glad you had a great weekend! I have a hard time getting to the boards myself on the weekends. The key is you're still staying OP and that's great!!!! By the way, I'm sure diet counselor doesn't pay enough. The jobs that seem fun, never seem to pay enough!!!!

 

[chrismiss56]

Glad to hear you had such a good weekend!!

Stay focused you are doing great!!

Linda

 

[wilderness01]

Just dropping by for a quick hello. You sound like you are doing great and are so happy. Good for you and all the hard work you have been doing.

 

[ZerasPride]

August 23, 2004 (Monday) Day 268 on the Beach

I went to an anniversary party last night and DH and I had a ball. I saw people I haven't seen in years and they were very complimentary about my weight loss which really made me feel all my hard work is so worth it!

I am down 1.5 pounds and so close to onderland I almost can't stand it. I'm back on a Phase 1 plan of sorts. It's more like Phase 1.5 but I'm really trying to cut out the grains this week where possible. I started with breakfast this morning and actually feel like I have more energy even though I skipped my work out this morning. It's a good feeling. I just feel so weighed down when I eat whole wheat cereal or whole wheat toast with breakfast and didn't realize it until giving it up today. It will be hard giving up some of my favs for the week but I'd like to get to onderland as quick as possible so we'll see how this goes.

Here is today's menu:
B: 2 scrambled eggs with a slice of lf cheese, 2 sausage patties and a cup of hot tea sweetened with splenda
S: 10 whole almonds
L: 3 slices of deli chicken with lettuce, lf cheese and mayo and a Dannon light and fit yogurt
S: Dannon light and fit yogurt
D: toppings off 3 slices of pizza at 4:00 am (uggghhh)

Exercise: I skipped my work out this morning and with the unplanned events of this evening, never got one in.



August 24, 2004 (Tuesday) Day 269 on the Beach

I had a long night last night and spent it in the emergency room with one of my sisters. After my Phase 1 lunch around 1:00 pm I didn't eat again for close to 16 hours! I was so hungry I felt like I was going to faint at one point.

I had already made up my mind before the family emergency that I was not going to continue with Phase 1. I was so light-headed about 3:00 that it was almost scary. I think it was more lack of preparation than anything else but I felt like I was on a diet yesterday and I haven't ever felt like that with South Beach before. Let me tell you guys, I do NOT like that feeling. I am still going to watch the whole grains and my portion sizes but it's back to Phase 2 for me.

Here is today's menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat cereal, 2 scrambled eggs with a slice of cheese and either bacon or sausage
S: I'll eat breakfast later in the day so morning snack
L: 3 cups of popcorn and a diet soda
S: Dannon light and fit yogurt
D: grilled chicken breast with 1/2 cup of long grain converted rice with mushroom sauce and sugar free chocolate and vanilla pudding for dessert

Exercise: I did Firm cardio sculpt blaster for my work out this morning since I took the day off.

Thanks Carrie, Linda and wilderness for stopping by to check on me! Have a great week everyone.

 

[septbride2002]

I hope your sister is doing okay! That is very scary! You are doing the right thing by listening to your body and not proceeding with staying on Phase 1 - sounds to me like your body needs the extra carbs from the whole wheat products.

Have a great day and keep us posted on your sister.

~Amanda