Lulu201's Back In Action Journal

[DoeWDW]

Good morning, Erin!

It's a new month! I'm treating it as a new beginning with the 1000 minutes of exercise challenge on the main WISH board. I'm going to take it easy on my other goals but focus on the exercise. Maybe you could pick just one area to truly focus on and let the others slide a bit? It sure does help with that overwhelmed feeling!

It was great to see you yesterday, WISH-sis. Check that calendar, OK?

 

[lulu201]

What a blessing to come to my journal this morning and find all these uplifting, encouraging messages--right when I'm feeling down and low. Thank you, everyone. This morning it was raining hard ("a monsoon," someone in church called it), so we headed down to the studio right after the service. Fortunately, no more flooding in the building. We're going down this afternoon to continue painting; we decided that now was a good time to freshen things up.

Tomorrow they're supposed to come in and put down new carpeting, but we're not too sure that it's actually going to happen as scheduled. Hopefully, though, it will--it's not good to have no source of income! We have to get back into business ASAP. I take great comfort, Tracy, in believing that God is indeed with us through it all.

It's hard right now for me to focus on healthy living--I'm beginning to feel an almost blanket-like depression settling over me--but I know it's essential for my well-being. This is how it looks today:

1. Vitamins--not yet.
2. Water--none yet and it's 12:50!
3. Exercise--none yet.
4. Food--slice of lite bread (.5), tbsp. pb (2), and coffee w/cream x2 (2)=4.5 for breakfast. Lunch was a sandwich on lite bread (1)--total was about 5. 9.5 so far for Sunday.

I'm going to go take my vitamins and have some water. I'm also going to sign up for the 1000 minute exercise challenge. I'm hoping it will inspire me to get my butt moving!

Doreen, it was so good to see you and Todd yesterday. It was the highlight of my day! I'll get my calendar out later today and see when we can get together to walk the walk!

Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Sent you a PM, WISH-sis!

I hope today brings good news for the studio!!

and

 

[septbride2002]

I hope that the carpet comes in on time! You've been working hard lately - try to fight off that depression with a walk later today. Endorphins released during exercise help to make you feel happy.

~Amanda

 

[lulu201]

I only have a few minutes here, but I want to thank everyone again for their support. It means a lot to me. Here's how today is so far:

1. Vitamins--no.
2. Water--no.
3. Exercise--no.
4. Food--6 points.

I'm going to grab this day and turn it around. First, I'm going to run downstairs and take my vitamins, and then I'm going to drink lots of water! Before this day is done I'll exercise at least 30 minutes!

Last week I had 4 healthy living days out of 7. That's just not good enough! I realized that for all my talk, I'm still wishy-washy about what a commitment to healthy living really means. Today I'm asking God to take the wishy-washiness out of my life and help make this day cheat free!

Onward and downward!
Erin
0 healthy living days in August, but bound and determined to improve that!

Edit: studio update as of 10 a.m.
The carpet guys are there laying new carpet--a different color, but it's going to work for us. Our landlords have made our unit and business their top priority in repairing the damages from the flood--we couldn't ask for anything more than all they've done. We should all be back to work on Wednesday.

Edit#2: healthy living update at 4:30 p.m.
1. had the vitamins.
2. drank some water.
3. exercise--no.
4. food--20 points so far (14 for lunch ), but hanging in there.

Edit #3: 7:50 p.m. update Today was a 4 smilie day!
1.
2. drank lots!
3. walked for 32 min. on the treadie.
4. 22 points, 2 AP, 8 FP=32 for the day. Would be happier if it were lower, but I'm still OP and no binge is in sight.

SO, in conclusion: I had my first cheat free day for August!

 

[Strings]

Erin,

I am glad that things are getting taken care of at the studio. Floods are the worst. I know that you will get through this depression. You have had a lot to deal with this last week. I am sure that now your schedule is normalizing (Yes, I realize that isn't a real word), you will be back on track and again. In the meantime, come hear to vent and get the support you need. I am praying for you.
Beth

 

[DizMare]

Hiya Erin!
So glad I found you again. I like your new abode at the DIS.

I am so sorry to hear about the deluge at the studio. How absolutely horrible! Did you lose pianos or anything else super costly? I can just picture the water flowing down that hill...egads, what a mess. (Cue the tune "Wade in the Water.")

I like your can-do attitude, girlfriend! Life is just chock full of hurdles, isn't it? Is there ever a time when there are no worries, no "have to do's"? (Aside from when you were a little kid, of course.) Your "default" optimism will pull you through, I just know it.

I'm jogging back on to the track with you. Let's pin on our numbers and get ready to hurdle!

 

[lulu201]

Good morning! It's Tuesday! I've had one cheat free day in August!

Thanks for stopping by yesterday Amanda, Doreen, Beth, and Mare. Your kind words have helped me to jump over the hurdles and keep on moving through tough times. I'm lucky to have you all as friends. The carpeting is all installed so today will be the day to "put it all back together" so we can open tomorrow. It'll feel good to be back to work.

In the meantime, I've got to get out there and walk. Doreen's blazing this exercise trail and leaving me in her dust and I want to follow suit! I'm going to get out and walk before it gets any hotter and stickier.

The last few days I've been thinking a lot about my commitment to healthy living (and to the half marathon) and I've come to the conclusion that I have to give it more emotional investment than I have been. These changes I've been making this past year, these goals that I've been setting for myself, are just too important to be left swaying in the wind every time my mood or events in my life change. The only way that I'll ever be able to keep my weight under control permanently is to stay steadfast in my commitment and to reject old negative habits. The discipline of the day-to-day is something I have to cultivate. I feel like I have to redefine myself as a person who is an exerciser and a healthy eater and live up to that image. Lately I've just labeled myself as a "struggler" and have kept puttsing along--even before the flood. . .I think I have to reach higher than I have been. I've spent a lot of time worrying about the numbers on the scale, and while I know that I have to weigh myself regularly to keep on track, it's got to be more than the numbers if I'm going to walk this road for the rest of my life--I've got to celebrate the strength and positive feelings I get by staying on the porgram, by being fit and healthy.

OK, enough with the deep thinking. I think I've processed enough for now! I'm getting out there and walking the walk!

7:55 a.m. 1. Vitamins
2. Water--about 1/2 cup
3. Exercise--none yet
4. 5 points for breakfast

Onward I go--
Erin

9:28 a.m. Updates: 2. about 24 oz., 3. 63 minutes of walking, approx. 4 miles

1:55 p.m. Point update: breakfast was 5, snack of melba toast, light cream cheese and olives was 3, french vanilla coffee w/1 half and half was 1, grilled chicken cobb salad from Mickey D's with light balsalmic vinaigrette was 7.5. Total so far today=16.5

Water update: have had almost 50 oz.

6:15 p.m. Left off with 16.5 points. . .dinner was soup (2) with 1 oz. leftover chicken breast thrown in (1) and 2 slices lite bread (1) with 2 tsp. margarine (2). Total for dinner 6/total for day so far 22.5. I'm working with 22 Target points and 3 AP with 27 Flex in the bank. I think after I get home from choir I'll have a yogurt (2) and a fruit popcicle (1) for a total of 25 for the day. I've had so much water I'm going to float over to church!

Final tally for 8/3 (two weeks until my WISH anniversary!):
1.
2.
3.
4.

I've completed my second cheat healthy living day for August!

 

[toystoryduo]

Erin,
Good morning! I am so happy to hear that the studio will be open again! That is wonderful for you!

You are back in action Erin! Your comments about your commitment to healthy living are amazing and inspiring. WOW!

Have a wonderful day today! Enjoy your walk!

God's best to you,
Tracy

 

[septbride2002]

Great Post Erin! I like the way you are thinking today because I am having the exact same thoughts. I'm glad to hear that everything is being finished up at your school!

~Amanda

 

[Strings]

Erin is back in action!

I am so glad that the studio will be operational tomorrow. You do a great service to the community, and it needs to continue.

Erin, your committment to your health has been renewed, and I know you will be successful. It is a daily struggle sometimes, but we can do this together. Many times it has been your words that have kept me on the straight and narrow. You are a strong and incredible woman, and you can do anything you set your mind to.

Beth

 

[DoeWDW]

You inspire me, WISH-sis! Your deep thinking is helping me to think as well.

I think you described me perfectly when you talked about defining oneself as a "struggler" or as a "healthy eater" and "exerciser". Our self talk and self image so often dictate our actions, especially those unconscious actions (like my mindless grazing through the kitchen yesterday afternoon).

When I feel most at ease, it is because there is a harmony between my words, my actions and my internal self-image. I think I need to hold a picture in my mind of me as a person who delights in treating her body well with healthy food and exercise. I feel like I've been saying the words and sometimes even following them up with actions, but I'm not sure I've ever really changed my self-image from "struggler" to "healthy eater" and "exerciser". When will I feel, all the way down to my soul, that those words truly describe me? Will it take training and finishing the half marathon? Will it take a year of maintaining healthy eating habits? I don't know the answer but I thought I'd add my ponderings to your journal. I think I'll copy them in my journal as well.

At any rate, congratulations on that great walk this morning! You made it out the door and I bet you felt great afterward!

I hope the rest of your day is bright and cheery, WISH-sis!

 

[lulu201]

Geez, Louise, it's 11:20 already! The morning has flown by. . .I guess that's the way it is with us jock athlete es ! Hehe!
I was lost in the Walking Zone and have just now made it to my journal!

Here's how today, August 4, 2004, is shaping up:

1. Vitamins--
2. Water--about 24 oz.
3. Exercise--7 miles in 109 minutes; yes, you heard me right. I'm darn pooped now, but I'm feeling good just the same.
4. Food--english muffin w/pb (6), coffee w/cream (1), gatorade in my water as I walked (1). Today I'm working with 22 Target Points, 6 Activity Points, and 24.5 Flex in the bank. Last night I used 2.5 flex around 10:30--my stomach was growling all over the place.

I'm going to Walmart to buy new trash cans and a sympathy card.
Lunch might be a salad at McDonald's--I'll have to see. I work this afternoon and this evening--finally! I almost forget how to be a teacher!

OK, I'm going to get myself going and out the door. Truthfully, I'd rather stay and WISH, but I've got get a move on.

'Til later,
Erin

Edit: 1/2 orange and a slice of lunch meat=1.5
lunch--McDonald's salad=10

Edit #2: soft pretzel (on the larger side)=4
kid's size Rita's water ice=3

 

[DoeWDW]

Good morning, Erin!

I hope your first day back at the studio was a happy one! Did you have any energy left after your AMAZING walk in the morning?? You go, girl!!

Thank you for all you did to help me get through my rough day yesterday. I'm back in the game, girlfriend!! It looks like you're back in the game too! WOO HOO!!

I'm throwing a party on the healthy living road today - there's music and smiles and laughter! There are lots of WISHers here! I'm planning to dance through my day and I bet you'll be right there with me!

"Celebrate good times, come on!"

 

[lulu201]

I didn't know a party was going on! I'm still in my pajamas! Oh, what the heck, party on!
I couldn't get my computer to cooperate and let me post last night, so I have to start with yesterday:

1.
2.
3.
4. I had some odd food choices--like water ice and a pretzel for dinner, but I had a lot of problems yesterday with heartburn and indigestion--it had started the night before and lasted until the wee hours this morning. There wasn't much that sounded appealing food-wise, so I ate what I thought would be nice and light while on the run.

Another healthy living day! That's three in August!

I've been trying to eat all my activity points and a good number of flex points each day. It keeps me satisfied and on track.

So, it's a new day, August 5, 2004. With God's help, I can order my day in such a way that I can lead the healthy life I was meant to live!
1. Vitamins--nada
2. Water--ditto
3. Exercise--my plan is to do about 2 miles. I've walked 13 so far this week. I love this 1000 minute challenge! Thank you, RaeAnn!
4. Food--if I walk 2.3 (the length of one of my courses) then I should earn 2 AP, have 22 TP, and then 5 flex at my disposal. Yesterday I only used 2.5 flex, so there are 22.5 (I think) in the ole flex point bank. I'll have to check on that.

I teach a long day today and need to call and confirm everyone's lessons. The studio looks great--it feels good to be back in the swing of things.

So, that's the plan. I'm off and on the road!

Let the party continue!

Edit: 4:52 p.m. 25 points today so far--breakfast oatmeal and coffee, snack of 3 munchkins, bagel and lite cream cheese for lunch, grilled chicken salad for dinner. I have points left for a snack tonight, but I don't think I'll want them. Had vitamins, am drinking water. Walked for 70 minutes with DD. It's great to be on plan!

Edit: 7:55 p.m.

1.
2. drank lots and still drinking
3. got it in!
4. Stayed on plan at 25 points--may have a snack later, may not. I'll see if I'm hungry. . .I have plenty of flex available.

Another healthy living day! Four for August

 

[septbride2002]

I know what you mean about feeling good to be back on track! It seems very easy suddenly to eat good food!

I guess I am happy that you are back to work.... I kinda like staying home and doing nothing But for you I'm happy

~Amanda

 

[Strings]

Hi Erin,

I'm glad the studio is back in action. Whew, what a relief. Looks like Augugst is going to be a Healthy month for you. Keep up the great work.
Beth

 

[lulu201]

It's a little late for me to be posting, but I wanted to come to my journal just to talk myself through the evening--this might be a moment that WISHers want to skip. . .

I AM SO tired! I came home after dealing with a weird parent to find that DSIL had left a message about an email that she'd sent that I hadn't responded to quickly enough to suit her. DD also wanted to discuss her plans to have two friends over tomorrow night, and I just didn't want to hear about any of this stuff! I had that urge to eat--that urge that is SO strong when I'm tired and/or annoyed.

This eating pattern is a significant problem in my life. I use food all too often to medicate negative feelings that I have, so I'd like to take a minute to list other constructive things I can do rather than eat. I did eat, by the way--I had my planned snack, and then I had another 3 points, leaving 12.5 in the bank. I can live with that--at least I didn't binge.

OK, so what can I do when I'm feeling like medicating myself with food? I can go into my room and just shut the door. I can come to the computer and vent here in my journal. I can take a shower. I can go for a walk. I can read a book. I can cross-stitch. I can have a cool, tall glass of water, shut my eyes, and pray. I can do lots of things, but eating should not be one of them, unless I'm truly hungry. Compulsive eating only leaves me feeling bad about myself--even if it seems right or justified at the time. The next day, I'm ALWAYS going to beat myself up.

So, tonight I was able to stay steadfast. I was able to remember what I want--I want to go to bed knowing I lived today in a healthy way. I don't want to wake up tomorrow dreading to face the scale or my shorts! I want to feel strong and to like myself, even if I have to face my fatigue and irritability head on. I want to get to August 17, my WISH anniversary, knowing that I gave August 1-16 my best shot at getting back and staying on track. I want to feel like I look my best when I'm out the DH on our 20th anniversary. I want to be on the beach in a few weeks and not feel as lumpish as I've felt other years. Those are the things I want--not a fistful of Cheez-its I scarf down in an effort to relieve some minor stresses.

Tomorrow's Friday--I'm worried about that. Weekends are always hard. I find I spend a lot of time bargaining with myself over what I will or won't eat. I've got to come up with a plan that will be something I can be happy with without falling apart. Maybe I'll think about that as I'm going to sleep.

Yep, I think sleep is a good thing and I'm ready to have some.
WISH friends who've read to this point--I feel bad that you're reading my frustrations instead of "happy good mornings," but hey, it's all part of the big picture, right?

'Night,
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Dearest Erin, I think that examining your thoughts and feelings and learning from them will help you to create many more "happy good mornings" for you in the long run. That's what it's all about, you know - the long run.

I appreciate you sharing these thoughts in your journal - I need to hear them too. All too often I've done the same thing - it's that mindless eating that I feel so bad about later. I know that it had NOTHING to do with the food, like sharing a special off-plan meal with friends and family, and EVERYTHING to do with me being tired and letting myself get carried away with the act of mindless eating. That is destructive to my body and my mind and my emotional health. I wouldn't willingly injure my body, so why do I allow me to hurt myself with food???

I hope this morning finds you rested and refreshed.

I'm wishing you a peaceful day!

 

[lulu201]

It's a Bee-YOO-ti-ful day in Pennsylvania! And I'm having a happy "good morning!" I didn't set the alarm--I woke up on my own around 7:30, knowing that I'd had just the right amount of sleep. It's supposed to be so cool today that I don't feel like I have to rush out and get my walk in early--I may go at noon just to enjoy the sunshine!

I'm starting the day with healthy living days in August!

Healthy choices I want to make today:

1. I choose to take vitamins to give my body a nutritional boost!
2. I choose to drink lots of water--at least 64 oz.--to nourish my body and replenish it throughout the day!
3. I choose to exercise--walking anywhere from 2 miles to 5 miles so that I can be strong and fit and ready for a half marathon!
4. I choose to eat in a thoughtful way, choosing foods that are nutritious and good for ME! My plan is to eat my 22 Target points and any activity points I earn; no flex today, I don't think, but they're there if I need them.

My food plan for today is still sketchy; DH and I haven't talked out our plans for dinner. Breakfast was 6 points (PB toast and coffee), lunch will be yogurt, but that leaves the Mystery Dinner. Will have to work that out later.

Worked things out with DSIL, told DD I just wasn't up to her plans (she's got plan B, anyway ), and I managed to stay away from a binge. Last night was an example of successful coping and I hope I can learn to make it a habit.

I'm off and into a new day: BRING IT ON!
Erin

Edit:
Hi, Amanda and Doreen , it's nice to have you over.
I had my vitamins, am drinking my water and have had about 13 points so far today. I'm determining now what kind of exercise I want to do. . .DD and I just got new tennis racquets--might do that after my walk, who knows. It's a bit windy, but it might be fun to try.

One slice of pizza and a nice salad for dinner tonight. I can manage with that.

'Til later,
E.

Edit:

I can manage with one slice of pizza AND SOME MORE!! It's 7:30 and we haven't had dinner yet. I'm treading some dangerous waters here. I've had about 17 points today. . .I have 8 left and 12.5 in the bank. I can do it, but I'm going to have to stay verrrrry focused. Wish me luck!