Mail Delivery Person Comments on Packages

[aprilgail]

But would you ask a com

But would you ask a complete stranger what their plans for the day were?

Personally I would not- but I would not have an issue if someone asked me.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

I often wonder what mine are thinking about me and my packages, but I also don't expect to hear anything from them because it would feel like an invasion of privacy and a lack of professionalism. I know it must come up as a concern because companies mailing more sensitive materials usually try to do so in nondescript packaging with a less obvious return label name so that it doesn't raise any eyebrows. Of course, when my USPS lady hand delivered my new tower fan to me in a box that made it clear I was getting a fan, I didn't think it was a big deal that she commented.

I also get that it's human to try and make conversation if you happen to come across any of the people on your route and there is that social part of me that appreciates someone wanting to be friendly...which is why I couldn't see myself flying off the handle about it either. In the end, I really do appreciate the job they're doing and know they often go the extra mile. Case in point...my UPS guy delivered 6 large boxes for me the other day...all containing new (and fairly heavy) diner style chairs. He could have just loaded them up on my front porch..which would have been super obvious to people passing by. Instead, he stacked them on the far side of our chimney to the side of our driveway so that it was really hard to see them road. So, unless it gets too personal, I'd probably brush it off.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The OP has a legitimate gripe. Some people don't mind when others comment on things, other people do. I for one, used to HATE when people would state toe obvious - "you must have gotten lot of sun over the weekend!" or "Looks like someone got a haircut!" One is annoying, small talk or not (yes, I KNOW I am sunburned. Believe me.) And the 2nd is seriously my own issue from my childhood when my mom always tried to play beauty shop on my sisters and I and we had to go to school the next day with our new creations (I looked like the boy on the cover of my 3rd grade reading book after one such haircut....totally embarrassing for a 8 year old girl!) I'm still scarred lol, and I hate when attention is brought to my hair. My own issue, I know, and I wouldn't expect people to *not* comment or be mad at them for it, but I really do suffer through the niceties of the conversation and wish the person hadn't said anything.

My dad was a mail carrier for 40 years and when he retired, one of his subdivisions threw him a surprise retirement "party" as he did his last route ever. They lined the streets and had balloons and cards and gifts for him as he went by. It was so sweet - they really became part of his "work family" over the years. I'm sure he small-talked with them often! But he also knew how to take a social cue, and he never commented on people's mail or packages because that is PRIVATE. And my mail carrier is also the dad of one of DS18's friends/classmates since 5th grade, and we chit chat often about all kinds of things, but I be pretty embarrassed if he were to ever bring up the late notices I got from the village for my water bill! It is CLEARLY marked as late, and is bright yellow, so it's totally obvious. (I hate that bill...we only get them quarterly and I always think I have more time to pay!)

IMO, what you get in the mail is "off-limits" to be commented on by the carrier. I'll chit-chat all day, but I don't want to know what s/he thinks about my mail!

Your Dad sounds like a sweetie!

You took the words right out of my mouth with "social cue".

Small talk is all fine and good, I like it myself. But most people get a sense when someone's not comfortable talking about something and end it.

 

[Mirielle]

I thought it was rude that someone I don't even know would be reading my personal items and commenting on them. Asking who died and who's birthday it was. None of that was her business. Maybe that sort of thing wouldn't bother you. Some of us are more private. I had a bagger at Publix the other day ask me what was I going to be doing the rest of the day. What concern is that to him? It would never dawn on me to ask someone that I dont know a question like that.

Sure wish you were my next door neighbor. DH and I would have some fun with YOU!

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Sure wish you were my next door neighbor. DH and I would have some fun with YOU!

How exactly would you and your husband do this? That sounds really weird.

 

[BadPinkTink]

so basically, it comes down to realising that not everyone is ok with small talk, and that what some consider to be just chit chat, others find intrusive.

So really, dont just assume everyone wants or is ok with personal questions. What you find appropriate, others may not. My dad used to call our neighbourhood Valley of The Twitching Windows, which is a great description. I dont like that feeling of being watched all the time and everyone knowing your business.

 

[amberpi]

Sure wish you were my next door neighbor. DH and I would have some fun with YOU!

We know one neighbor because he came over when he was moving in and told us he sometimes liked his music loud and just let him know if it was bothering him. He told him we had small kids so we were very forgiving if he would be I’ve never spoken to another neighbor here. How would you engage if those neighbors don’t want to. We drive into the garage and never have to speak to anyone. We will exchange pleasantries with the office staff, but we even leave the house when maintenance is coming in. OTOH, if someone did engage we’d be pleasant back and it wouldn’t phase either of us but certainly we try to limit that.

 

[dish rag]

Personally I would not- but I would not have an issue if someone asked me.

I didn't have an issue either. I just thought it was very strange.

 

[dish rag]

Sure wish you were my next door neighbor. DH and I would have some fun with YOU!

I'll bet you would love to be my next door neighbor. You wouldn't see me very often.

 

[Hrhpd]

so basically, it comes down to realising that not everyone is ok with small talk, and that what some consider to be just chit chat, others find intrusive.

So really, dont just assume everyone wants or is ok with personal questions. What you find appropriate, others may not. My dad used to call our neighbourhood Valley of The Twitching Windows, which is a great description. I dont like that feeling of being watched all the time and everyone knowing your business.

On the flip side, if you are uncomfortable with small talk, don't always jump to conclusions that people are out to be rude to you. Just ignore, don't answer, and move on.

We live at the end of a street. Our home office is positioned so that the window faces directly down the street, so I see what is going on all day long. I am not about to close my drapes just because someone might assume that I might be watching them. i like sunlight. That would be their problem for assuming I had nothing more important to do than keep notes on their personal business. If you don't want people observing you in a neighborhood, I suggest you move out to the country surrounded by fields with no neighbors. Living in a neighborhood brings some small amount of lack of privacy. You have to accept that.

 

[smiths02]

The OP has a legitimate gripe. Some people don't mind when others comment on things, other people do. I for one, used to HATE when people would state the obvious - "you must have gotten lot of sun over the weekend!" or "Looks like someone got a haircut!" One is annoying, small talk or not (yes, I KNOW I am sunburned. Believe me.) And the 2nd is seriously my own issue from my childhood when my mom always tried to play beauty shop on my sisters and I and we had to go to school the next day with our new creations (I looked like the boy on the cover of my 3rd grade reading book after one such haircut....totally embarrassing for a 8 year old girl!) I'm still scarred lol, and I hate when attention is brought to my hair. My own issue, I know, and I wouldn't expect people to *not* comment or be mad at them for it, but I really do suffer through the niceties of the conversation and wish the person hadn't said anything.

My dad was a mail carrier for 40 years and when he retired, one of his subdivisions threw him a surprise retirement "party" as he did his last route ever. They lined the streets and had balloons and cards and gifts for him as he went by. It was so sweet - they really became part of his "work family" over the years. I'm sure he small-talked with them often! But he also knew how to take a social cue, and he never commented on people's mail or packages because that is PRIVATE. And my current mail carrier is also the dad of one of DS18's friends/classmates since 5th grade, and we chit chat often about all kinds of things, but I'd be pretty embarrassed if he were to ever bring up the late notices I got from the village for my water bill! It is CLEARLY marked as late, and is bright yellow, so it's totally obvious. (I hate that bill...we only get them quarterly and I always think I have more time to pay!)

IMO, what you get in the mail is "off-limits" to be commented on by the carrier. I'll chit-chat all day, but I don't want to know what s/he thinks about my mail!

How PRIVATE is it that I get a bunch of packages with a giant Amazon logo on them on my front porch in plain view of every person who drives by? The comments were to OP and her DH...no private information was shared.

so basically, it comes down to realising that not everyone is ok with small talk, and that what some consider to be just chit chat, others find intrusive.

So really, dont just assume everyone wants or is ok with personal questions. What you find appropriate, others may not. My dad used to call our neighbourhood Valley of The Twitching Windows, which is a great description. I dont like that feeling of being watched all the time and everyone knowing your business.

So what isn't a personal question that is a conversation starter?
You also have to consider different cultures. I've lived in the South of the US for nearly 20 years...people are just chatty and nosy.
I watched part of a documentary series on Netflix that was about British culture (not saying it applies to you, just an example). Personal questions were generally viewed very differently there.

Also, someone asking does not mean that you have to answer with explicit details. If someone says, "What are you doing today?" and the real answer is going to see my OB/GYN about a female problem....you could just say "appointments" "nothing much" "working." I would view it like asking "How are you today?"

 

[cabanafrau]

For those who think it's creepy or rude for a salesclerk to ask your plans, what if a fellow shopper asks you if you've previously tried or used something in your shopping cart before? I know I've asked strangers a time or two about something I see that they're buying that I am considering that is a new item to me. I do ask politely and have never had anyone react badly.

I know in a few weeks I'll be asked more than a few times while checking out at different stores if I'm doing the cooking for Thanksgiving. I've never considered that rude. Generally when we finish the transaction they'll wish me Happy Thanksgiving and I'll do the same.

 

[BadPinkTink]

what if a fellow shopper asks you if you've previously tried or used something in your shopping cart before?

creepy and rude!
and I would never do it myself.

Also in Starbucks and other places, I dont even like when they ask my name, so I dont even give my full name, just the initial!

 

[cabanafrau]

creepy and rude!
and I would never do it myself.

Also in Starbucks and other places, I dont even like when they ask my name, so I dont even give my full name, just the initial!

It's rude to say to someone, pardon me, I see you're buying X, have you tried them before?

Is it also rude to say hello to a stranger you make eye contact with in the store? Would you prefer other people avert their gaze, look at the floor, etc., if they happen to be in your vicinity? What if you're standing waiting for the fireworks at Disney, is it permissible to speak or do you prefer stony silence then as well?

 

[QueenIsabella]

I was laid up for four months each after two major surgeries, and, living in a rural area, used Amazon for a TON of purchases. In the beginning, my two dogs would bark and growl and throw themselves at the glass door when the UPS guy showed up. Now, they can be sleeping on the other side of it, and won't even twitch in their sleep when he dumps the packages and rings the bell. He said to me one day, "Not such killers anymore huh?" and I didn't worry that he was planning to break into my house, it was just a funny comment. He probably wishes all the dogs on his route were so chill!

Terri

I will PAY you to come over and teach me your secret for our 16-pound vicious attack dog! Every time the doorbell rings, she acts like it's the Invasion of Normandy. I feel bad for our mailman, who rings and leaves (I wave/yell "thank you" as he walks back to his truck).

I never knew small talk could be so controversial. It's kind of like when a clerk asks, "Did you find everything you were looking for?" I'm sure they're trained to say that, but I try to answer honestly. We had the hurricane go through here a few weeks back--stores are at 90% or so, but you still have a tough time finding things here and there. And I'm an Aldi's shopper--they rotate their inventory. So I might say, "Ooh, I'm glad to see your German specialties coming back in", since my husband is German and appreciates them. The clerk probably doesn't care if I'm glad to see stollen and speculous cookies.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

How PRIVATE is it that I get a bunch of packages with a giant Amazon logo on them on my front porch in plain view of every person who drives by? The comments were to OP and her DH...no private information was shared.



So what isn't a personal question that is a conversation starter?
You also have to consider different cultures. I've lived in the South of the US for nearly 20 years...people are just chatty and nosy.
I watched part of a documentary series on Netflix that was about British culture (not saying it applies to you, just an example). Personal questions were generally viewed very differently there.

Mail is a private subject in my opinion, that's why it's a federal offense to tamper with it or open someone elses without their permission (not that it is always prosecuted, but it is still illegal). And since the majority of personal, confidential, and PRIVATE correspondence comes through the mail, it, IMO, runs the line of professionalism and common courtesy for the person handling the mail to not comment on it. Just like how I would expect the lady at the grocery store not to have commented on the 2 pints of ice cream, chocolate bar, and boxes of feminine products I bought together at the same time last week I mean, it's not like she was being rude or anything...it's just chit-chat...but there is a line of decency and professional decorum that shouldn't be crossed, too.

Possible non-personal conversation starters (from a mailman/woman):

"Beautiful Day today!"
"Awww...you have such a sweet little puppy"
"Wish it would warm up a little!"
"Hi, how are you today?"
"Tell Bob I said hi!"

Personal conversation starters:

"Wow! You sure do have a lot of boxes delivered all the time!"
"What on earth do you buy?"
"I've been watching that rash on your neck lately and it looks worse today, maybe you should go see a doctor"
"your daughter is cute...how old is she?"

i'm in the Midwest, and I like for people to leave me alone and not comment on me or what I'm buying/having delivered, so yes, I completely agree that it's different depending on who you are and (possibly) where you live.

I'm not saying I would lose sleep over it, but the OP's mail person is not being very professional. If it were me, I would just smile and not answer, or give a one-word answer, but if she kept asking day after day without taking the hint, I would probably get a little snippy in my final response.

 

[muffyn]

I have a few friends who work for USPS. I wrote to one of the mail carriers what he thought of your quandary asking if the mail carrier was just making conversation or was being rude.

he wrote back :
the mail carrier was completely out of line. It is totally unprofessional to comment on what she is delivering. wonder if she was a regular USPS letter carrier or a USPS rural carrier. Rural carriers tend to be less professional but it’s still wrong. I suggest she call her local USPS office and explain the situation.
<spouse said> :But if it were me I’d leave her a note politely asking her to please refrain from making comments about my purchases. I wouldn’t make it a snarky note if she has to deal with this woman on a reg basis. She can also hit her where it hurts. No Xmas tip.

 

[amberpi]

What if you're standing waiting for the fireworks at Disney, is it permissible to speak or do you prefer stony silence then as well?

I HATE that; it's so awkward to be polite and to signal that you have no interest in their conversation. Seriously, I'm there to be with my friends/family and not strike up conversations with randos in the line, ya know? However, it won't phase me, some people are just super chatty. I'm not so much with strangers.

 

[BadPinkTink]

It's rude to say to someone, pardon me, I see you're buying X, have you tried them before?

actually yes, and and I would most likly give you the stinky eye and walk away from you. What I have in my cart is none of your business and I have no interest in having a conversation about what I am buying!

What if you're standing waiting for the fireworks at Disney, is it permissible to speak or do you prefer stony silence then as well?

When I am in Disney I am solo, and most of the time I dont talk to people, I keep to myself. Sometimes I do chat to people when waiting in line but its usually if someone asks about a ride or Fastpass or show or is looking for directions.

 

[soccerdad72]

People seem to be overthinking this one, IMO.