Pretty much exactly like the previous poster. 4 kiddos, ages 21, 20, 13, and 9. I'm probably about a 5. I'm very strict on kindness, helpfulness, schoolwork, politeness, behaving in public, cleanliness, friends. I'm lenient on food choices, clothing, music, bedtimes, hairstyles, no curfew, etc. I always ask myself if this rule is really going to matter in 20 years and if the answer is yes, it stays. I've got great kids so far, 2 in college and on the dean's or president's list, depending on the semester, and the 2 younger ones are doing great as well in their advanced/gt classes. Part of the situation is that 2 of the kiddos are autistic and we've had to learn different ways to punish/reward/motivate those particular children and that has benefited the whole family. The typical time-outs/spankings/ grounding just didn't work. In turn, our kids are very well behaved w/ and innate desire to do good in the world and help others.
Now my parents were probably about a 9/10 on the scale. Lots of arbitrary rules and consequences that made no sense. They were not abusive, but then again, I was the easy kid.....my sisters might not say the same.