Parents--help me understand ADD/ADHD

[DopeyDame]

Well...he's about 14 now and probably starting high school....wonder how he ended up doing? Wouldn't that he funny if he was like a star first baseman or wide receiver now? lol

D'oh!!!! I'm usually better at zombie threads.
I'd totally love an update!

 

[Wishing on a star]

ADD / ADHD does, definitely exist....
It has absolutely nothing to do with mental discipline or 'burning off energy'.
My husband worked with a grown almost middle-aged adult that I would swear had one of the absolutely WORST cases of ADHD.
Couldn't focus long enough to get thru a short conversation, or even sometimes, sentence....
He did things like drive his company vehicle off into a ditch and into a tree (could have been very serious injury or death) because he was not maintaining focus and was reaching for his way-ward cellphone. Don't blame the phone... could have been anything....
He seriously needed to be medicated.

Anyone in the OP's position should quit reading books, and looking for agendas and justifications. (gasp!!!! there just cant be anything wrong with my angel!!!!)
If it comes the time when you, and others, feel that this might be an issue that is negatively affecting your child's life.... The only resource I would go to would be a very good and thorough and objective pediatric neurologist.

 

[pweyl36]

You need to talk with your peds first , then see a child Neurologist.
Not from the internet.

 

[OneOftheB's]

This is a topic which interests me. My nephew has ADHD and anger management disorder. My brother and SIL opted to try some non traditional medicine alternatives for him and it has worked very well. He was actually asked to leave his private preK due to ongoing issues (some of which ended up being bullying issues where he was the target for not only his classmates but older kids on campus). He gets a super high dose of a fish oil supplement daily, and between that and a change of schools, he is a new kid. Some of the issues also seem related to the fact that he was bored in the first school; he is an extremely intelligent kid and the school would not accommodate his level. The current school allows him to move up to study math, etc with the next grade level if it is appropriate for him.

Other things that were brought up to my brother & SIL as possible treatment plans were increasing his magnesium levels (apparently a lot of kids who have focus issues have very low Mg levels). Another study my husband looked into showed a potential correlation to kids who snore/ have sleep apnea. My nephew is a finger sucker (two middles) to this day when he is tired/asleep. That makes some since, if you are not sleeping well it's pretty hard to focus even as an adult.

 

[Sleepy425]

I have 4 year old identical twin girls. Both have ADHD (yes I know that this is early to have them diagnosed as ADHD. But due to the circumstances of their pregnancy and what they were exposed to - they’re adopted, so not my pregnancy- the developmental pediatrician was confident in diagnosing them. They had plenty of testing prior to ensure there are no other underlying issues).
Even as identical twins with identical an diagnosis, their symptoms are so different. It’s an amazing reminder of how different ADHD can look. One is doing well in preschool. The other one is doing so poorly that when she starts kindergarten in the fall she will not be permitted on a normal school bus. While her twin and two older brothers get to board a normal bus, she will be on a special bus for kids with behavior issues. She can’t sit still, can’t control her impulses, and can be a danger to herself and others if there isn’t an adult to supervise her closely. It’s sad to talk to her after a “bad” day at school. She will tell you, “ I don’t know why I do it. I want to be good!!!”
Both girls have been much more hyper than their peers since they were very young. They figured out how to unbuckle from their strollers by the time they were 1.5, just so they could get and run. By 2.5 they could escape car seats. They could scale fences at age 2, and would climb in and out of the fenced area at daycare to retrieve toys other kids tossed over (we knew day care well, we all let it happen because it got some of their energy out in a productive manner). We always KNEW they were not typical kids. They get the same kind of discipline and upbringing as my two “typical” kids, and have since we brought them home from the hospitals three weeks old. So I know it isn’t that. Their brains just aren’t wired right.

 

[pezgirlroy]

I have 4 year old identical twin girls. Both have ADHD (yes I know that this is early to have them diagnosed as ADHD. But due to the circumstances of their pregnancy and what they were exposed to - they’re adopted, so not my pregnancy- the developmental pediatrician was confident in diagnosing them. They had plenty of testing prior to ensure there are no other underlying issues).
Even as identical twins with identical an diagnosis, their symptoms are so different. It’s an amazing reminder of how different ADHD can look. One is doing well in preschool. The other one is doing so poorly that when she starts kindergarten in the fall she will not be permitted on a normal school bus. While her twin and two older brothers get to board a normal bus, she will be on a special bus for kids with behavior issues. She can’t sit still, can’t control her impulses, and can be a danger to herself and others if there isn’t an adult to supervise her closely. It’s sad to talk to her after a “bad” day at school. She will tell you, “ I don’t know why I do it. I want to be good!!!”
Both girls have been much more hyper than their peers since they were very young. They figured out how to unbuckle from their strollers by the time they were 1.5, just so they could get and run. By 2.5 they could escape car seats. They could scale fences at age 2, and would climb in and out of the fenced area at daycare to retrieve toys other kids tossed over (we knew day care well, we all let it happen because it got some of their energy out in a productive manner). We always KNEW they were not typical kids. They get the same kind of discipline and upbringing as my two “typical” kids, and have since we brought them home from the hospitals three weeks old. So I know it isn’t that. Their brains just aren’t wired right.

I think that is one of the hardest parts is when my daughter says I don't know why I cannot do it. I am trying. At 7, it has helped to explain to her that she has something that is making it more difficult for her. It helped her to have something to blame it on but she knows that she cannot use it as an excuse. I always say to her that her brain isn't wrong just different and we just have to figure out how to work with that difference.

 

[luvsJack]

Ds was misdiagnosed in junior high with ADHD. As an adult, he has been diagnosed with bipolar which explained so much.

But having worked with several kids with ADHD, knowing several others from my kids and now knowing some adults; it’s defintily real and it’s not a discipline problem.

I do know one young man that as a kid, his dr suggested many things along with his medication. They kept a food diary and then cut certain things from his diet. And he only had a small amount of time each week that he could play video games instead having time that he actively played. All of it together helped a great deal. Would that help all kids with ADHD? Probably not but it did help him so not so sure it should be completely dismissed.

Another young man was diagnosed young and he was very much a hand full. His mom got tired of the medications and went totally with behavior modification. And it worked great. Perhaps he was misdiagnosed. Honestly don’t know.

Had another kid that was in our after school/summer program. His mom would give him meds before he arrived and bring us what he was supposed to take at lunch. The poor child was like a zombie all morning. I finally told her we were unable to give him his meds during the day because I wasn’t sure how much he was taking in the a.m. He honestly did so much better without taking any mid day. He acted out when she got there but was fine other than that. Maybe his problems were strictly with an inability to focus in school, I don’t know for sure as our days were filled with activity and fun stuff not something he needed to focus on.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

My younger DS has ADD with hyperfocus. He had issues in 2nd and 3rd grade and finally by 5th grade I figured out that he had 9 of 10 common traits of ADD. I went to his pediatrician and test were done and surveys filled out by his teachers. Doctor finally gave me a trial dose of Adderal for him. Said if he had it the meds would work and we would see a noticeable difference. Boy did we ever! Had a family friend come over the day he took the medication and he ask me what we had done to him. The difference was startling. Best thing to do along with getting him to a doctor is find a good behavioral therapist. Ours was wonderful explaining how to help him cope and be successful. He only took medication when he needed to focus- such as for school. Didn't take it at all during breaks. Today he's in college and still sees the therapist along with taking a minimal amount of Adderal when he needs it.

 

[neverlandsky]

ADHD/ADD exist? Yes
ADHD/ADD overly diagnosed? Yes. Good to have 3-4 doctor's opinions on it.
ADHD/ADD in schools? Yes.
ADHD/ADD as an excuse for some teachers not wanting to deal with kids? Yes. I've seen teachers push their ADHD/ADD opinion onto parents due to the classroom workload. Kindergarten now is like the end of 1st/start of 2nd grade 30 years ago.
Are majority of doctors and society quick to find quick fixes such as a pill vs. diet? So much yes here.

I wish with treating a person, we focus more on treating the individual person vs. lumping people into the one size fits most solution.

 

[MacMama0930]

As someone who has ADHD, who’s father has ADHD (never medicated), a niece with ADHD (never medicated) and who’s daughter may someday get the diagnosis based on her personality (I never say never), I don’t think it should be looked at as something that needs to cured. Some of the most talented, creative and successful entrepreneurs have ADHD. Some of the most spontaneous, funniest, charming people I know have ADHD. I’ve been treated with medication during times when I need to “tone down” my impulsive tendencies, but I’ve also been lucky enough to find a career where my ADHD traits are helpful, not harmful. My niece has had a lot of success with occupational therapy to learn to cope more with the explosiveness and emotional irregularity. During times when I’m on medication, I notice that yes, I’m able to focus longer, or finish tasks more efficiently, but my personality is also way toned down. Not as much spontaneous dance moves, or wildly inappropriate jokes, etc. it’s hard to see those traits get stifled in order to fit into a box society wants to put us in.

 

[North of Mouse]

Wow, @Deb in IA, you have to be the trophy winner for the longest post ever (and one that surely wasn't read)

 

[luvsJack]

As someone who has ADHD, who’s father has ADHD (never medicated), a niece with ADHD (never medicated) and who’s daughter may someday get the diagnosis based on her personality (I never say never), I don’t think it should be looked at as something that needs to cured. Some of the most talented, creative and successful entrepreneurs have ADHD. Some of the most spontaneous, funniest, charming people I know have ADHD. I’ve been treated with medication during times when I need to “tone down” my impulsive tendencies, but I’ve also been lucky enough to find a career where my ADHD traits are helpful, not harmful. My niece has had a lot of success with occupational therapy to learn to cope more with the explosiveness and emotional irregularity. During times when I’m on medication, I notice that yes, I’m able to focus longer, or finish tasks more efficiently, but my personality is also way toned down. Not as much spontaneous dance moves, or wildly inappropriate jokes, etc. it’s hard to see those traits get stifled in order to fit into a box society wants to put us in.

Don’t disagree with you in the least. I have seen it, especially with the adults I know. They feel that their creativity is stifled from the medication.

 

[tcufrog]

My sister and mother have ADHD and have to take meds for it. When my older son was 4 he was diagnosed with a genius level IQ, high functioning Aspergers, ADHD and mild sensory issues. We expected the Aspergers diagnosis, suspected the IQ, and already knew about the sensory issues but were surprised by the ADHD diagnosis. As he's gotten older though, the ADHD has become more and more obvious. We tried almost everything other than diet (he already had a super healthy diet) and didn't see enough improvement so we very reluctantly started him on medication. The difference was night and day. The medicine didn't blunt his personality or turn him into a zombie. It made him happier and less frustrated because he could focus better. He still has lots of issues to work through so he goes to a social skills group and a cognitive behavioral psychologist but we couldn't deal without the medicine. We used to give him medicine breaks because we hated the fact that he has to take it. We stopped when he told us that he liked himself better on the medicine.

I do agree that many people are misdiagnosed with ADHD. The symptoms look similar to many other problems so it's crucial to have an expert diagnosis a person. We thought when I was in that I might have ADHD-Inattentive but luckily I was taken to a medical school for a full battery of tests. It turns out I have something else so ADHD medicine would have been problematic. Unfortunately, the full testing process is too expensive or unavailable to too many people.

 

[Mermaid02]

Zombie thread! Some of the kids mentioned in this thread are probably adults now!!

Yup! My son is 21 now and I totally forgot about him locking himself in the trunk of the car. Seems like a lifetime ago!

 

[Lilacs4Me]

As someone who has ADHD, who’s father has ADHD (never medicated), a niece with ADHD (never medicated) and who’s daughter may someday get the diagnosis based on her personality (I never say never), I don’t think it should be looked at as something that needs to cured. Some of the most talented, creative and successful entrepreneurs have ADHD. Some of the most spontaneous, funniest, charming people I know have ADHD. I’ve been treated with medication during times when I need to “tone down” my impulsive tendencies, but I’ve also been lucky enough to find a career where my ADHD traits are helpful, not harmful. My niece has had a lot of success with occupational therapy to learn to cope more with the explosiveness and emotional irregularity. During times when I’m on medication, I notice that yes, I’m able to focus longer, or finish tasks more efficiently, but my personality is also way toned down. Not as much spontaneous dance moves, or wildly inappropriate jokes, etc. it’s hard to see those traits get stifled in order to fit into a box society wants to put us in.

Your comments intrigue me, so please don't take any of this the wrong way. it's coming from a very interested and good place. We have had custody of our nephew for one full school year now, so I am still learning about ADHD.

You say that when on medication, your personality is toned down, and you give two examples (I know...just examples) of behaviors that unless you are at a nightclub at 1am or in REALLY understanding company (or a stand-up comedian as a career), would be considered inappropriate in most social or business situations. Why do you think you are being stifled?

Both of those things are things that my nephew does and we are trying to get him to a point where he realizes that these types of behaviors are inappropriate most of the time. He will come into the living room and stand in front of the TV and start dancing, or interrupt conversations that he is not part of to say a joke (and it almost always is NOT funny, or doesn't even make sense). He is very impulsive, and unfortunately didn't have much guidance his first 11 years...nobody modeled good behavior, or called out his bad behavior so now when we redirect him, he is shocked and surprised that he is doing something inappropriate. From what I know, a big part of ADHD is the person not understanding or realizing when they are being annoying or inappropriate, then truly not understanding why their behavior is bothersome to the people around them.

Nephew explained to us that when he was on medication before, he felt like he was in a box with the lid closed. He could hear everything going on outside the box, but he couldn't get out of it to join in. Once his medication wore off, he was able to get out of the box and "become himself" again. His doctor brought up a good point. He said that the "box" was nephews mind, and all the noise he could hear were "distractions". He said that Nephew's WANT was to join in the distractions because that that what his brain is used to doing. The medication is the lid of the box saying - Wait...it's time to be quiet and focus right now...once I am over helping you focus, the box will open and you can be distracted again."

The doctor said that he needs to stop thinking about it in terms of being "himself" or not being himself on medication and understand that while the medication helps with focus, he is STILL IN CONTROL of his behavior. So, the dancing...and interrupting...and getting up from his seat 10 times during dinner...and annoying the other kids at school for attention....etc, etc, are not affected by the MEDICATION per se...but the medication can help the brain realize that these behaviors *are* inappropriate and gives the person the ability to curb them.

So, that is from the outside looking in. My question to you is - how accurate it all of that? I'm trying so hard to do the best things for my nephew, but without having experienced ADHD myself, it's hard to know exactly what he is going through every day, and what he can, and cannot help.

Also, if you don't mind saying, what field are you in? My nephew's aspirations right now are to work at his favorite fast food place lol, and play video games. He hasn't really developed an interest in anything (not that he has to at age 12 by any means) but it would be nice to know what careers work well with ADHD so we can start to help give him a path that could lead somewhere one day -or at the very least, a related activity now that he might find fun!

(And BTW...Nephew is a sweet, kind, caring, loving kid. We have zero problems with attitude or defiance. We are not trying to change him...we are trying to give him the tools to be able to succeed. We love him just the way he is

 

[katie01]

Oops, didn’t realize this was a zombie thread!

 

[katie01]

Your comments intrigue me, so please don't take any of this the wrong way. it's coming from a very interested and good place. We have had custody of our nephew for one full school year now, so I am still learning about ADHD.

You say that when on medication, your personality is toned down, and you give two examples (I know...just examples) of behaviors that unless you are at a nightclub at 1am or in REALLY understanding company (or a stand-up comedian as a career), would be considered inappropriate in most social or business situations. Why do you think you are being stifled?

Both of those things are things that my nephew does and we are trying to get him to a point where he realizes that these types of behaviors are inappropriate most of the time. He will come into the living room and stand in front of the TV and start dancing, or interrupt conversations that he is not part of to say a joke (and it almost always is NOT funny, or doesn't even make sense). He is very impulsive, and unfortunately didn't have much guidance his first 11 years...nobody modeled good behavior, or called out his bad behavior so now when we redirect him, he is shocked and surprised that he is doing something inappropriate. From what I know, a big part of ADHD is the person not understanding or realizing when they are being annoying or inappropriate, then truly not understanding why their behavior is bothersome to the people around them.

Nephew explained to us that when he was on medication before, he felt like he was in a box with the lid closed. He could hear everything going on outside the box, but he couldn't get out of it to join in. Once his medication wore off, he was able to get out of the box and "become himself" again. His doctor brought up a good point. He said that the "box" was nephews mind, and all the noise he could hear were "distractions". He said that Nephew's WANT was to join in the distractions because that that what his brain is used to doing. The medication is the lid of the box saying - Wait...it's time to be quiet and focus right now...once I am over helping you focus, the box will open and you can be distracted again."

The doctor said that he needs to stop thinking about it in terms of being "himself" or not being himself on medication and understand that while the medication helps with focus, he is STILL IN CONTROL of his behavior. So, the dancing...and interrupting...and getting up from his seat 10 times during dinner...and annoying the other kids at school for attention....etc, etc, are not affected by the MEDICATION per se...but the medication can help the brain realize that these behaviors *are* inappropriate and gives the person the ability to curb them.

So, that is from the outside looking in. My question to you is - how accurate it all of that? I'm trying so hard to do the best things for my nephew, but without having experienced ADHD myself, it's hard to know exactly what he is going through every day, and what he can, and cannot help.

Also, if you don't mind saying, what field are you in? My nephew's aspirations right now are to work at his favorite fast food place lol, and play video games. He hasn't really developed an interest in anything (not that he has to at age 12 by any means) but it would be nice to know what careers work well with ADHD so we can start to help give him a path that could lead somewhere one day -or at the very least, a related activity now that he might find fun!

(And BTW...Nephew is a sweet, kind, caring, loving kid. We have zero problems with attitude or defiance. We are not trying to change him...we are trying to give him the tools to be able to succeed. We love him just the way he is

Oops, zombie thread, sorry! But I have similar questions to this PP

 

[MacMama0930]

Your comments intrigue me, so please don't take any of this the wrong way. it's coming from a very interested and good place. We have had custody of our nephew for one full school year now, so I am still learning about ADHD.

You say that when on medication, your personality is toned down, and you give two examples (I know...just examples) of behaviors that unless you are at a nightclub at 1am or in REALLY understanding company (or a stand-up comedian as a career), would be considered inappropriate in most social or business situations. Why do you think you are being stifled?

Both of those things are things that my nephew does and we are trying to get him to a point where he realizes that these types of behaviors are inappropriate most of the time. He will come into the living room and stand in front of the TV and start dancing, or interrupt conversations that he is not part of to say a joke (and it almost always is NOT funny, or doesn't even make sense). He is very impulsive, and unfortunately didn't have much guidance his first 11 years...nobody modeled good behavior, or called out his bad behavior so now when we redirect him, he is shocked and surprised that he is doing something inappropriate. From what I know, a big part of ADHD is the person not understanding or realizing when they are being annoying or inappropriate, then truly not understanding why their behavior is bothersome to the people around them.

Nephew explained to us that when he was on medication before, he felt like he was in a box with the lid closed. He could hear everything going on outside the box, but he couldn't get out of it to join in. Once his medication wore off, he was able to get out of the box and "become himself" again. His doctor brought up a good point. He said that the "box" was nephews mind, and all the noise he could hear were "distractions". He said that Nephew's WANT was to join in the distractions because that that what his brain is used to doing. The medication is the lid of the box saying - Wait...it's time to be quiet and focus right now...once I am over helping you focus, the box will open and you can be distracted again."

The doctor said that he needs to stop thinking about it in terms of being "himself" or not being himself on medication and understand that while the medication helps with focus, he is STILL IN CONTROL of his behavior. So, the dancing...and interrupting...and getting up from his seat 10 times during dinner...and annoying the other kids at school for attention....etc, etc, are not affected by the MEDICATION per se...but the medication can help the brain realize that these behaviors *are* inappropriate and gives the person the ability to curb them.

So, that is from the outside looking in. My question to you is - how accurate it all of that? I'm trying so hard to do the best things for my nephew, but without having experienced ADHD myself, it's hard to know exactly what he is going through every day, and what he can, and cannot help.

Also, if you don't mind saying, what field are you in? My nephew's aspirations right now are to work at his favorite fast food place lol, and play video games. He hasn't really developed an interest in anything (not that he has to at age 12 by any means) but it would be nice to know what careers work well with ADHD so we can start to help give him a path that could lead somewhere one day -or at the very least, a related activity now that he might find fun!

(And BTW...Nephew is a sweet, kind, caring, loving kid. We have zero problems with attitude or defiance. We are not trying to change him...we are trying to give him the tools to be able to succeed. We love him just the way he is

Haha! I realize I didn't give the best examples. And I what I more meant, was these are little things that make me unique and/or funny. I am a mother to two children and we often turn on music and bust out random dance moves for songs. These are things that I just don't seem to do as often when medicated. What's the saying...I'd rather be completely ridiculous than completely boring...? That's kind of where I'm at. I don't want to feel ordinary. I like being a little bit strange. And like I said, I am lucky enough to be in a career that thrives on quick thinking, creative, spontaneous decision making. I also get to work from home. Of course the house is full of distractions, but I need distractions to take a break, so it actually works very well for me. I work for 45 minutes, see my cat walk in, lay on the floor and cuddle with my cat for 5 minutes, and then get up and I feel like I can work again. I realize this might not make perfect sense, and it's hard to explain. I'm not anti medication. Like I said, I do still use it. If there's a big project coming up that requires hours of excel reporting or something like that, I'll use medication so that I can sit and work at my desk for more than 1 hour at a time. But I do feel like parts that I DO like about myself are stifled during that time, that's why I try to only use it minimally. Luckily it isn't like an anti depressant that requires daily dosing in order to be effective. It's immediately effective.

As far as your nephew, it sounds like he's in the right hands now. Bless his heart. And yours. Like I said, I am not anti medication. In fact, sometimes I think my dad would've been better off if my grandmother had allowed him to be medicated as a child. He's the classic ADHD. While his older brothers went on to be doctors and engineers, he struggled and it hurt his self esteem. But it's hard to say how things "would have" been for him, because all I know of him is who he is without his ADHD being treated.

My niece is 10, like I said in my post, she REALLY benefited from an occupational therapist, something you might want to look into if you haven't. She was a blurter and a incessant joke teller. The OT taught introduced her to "Was Funny Once" and a lot of other really creative, useful tools. We've seen MASSIVE improvement.

I wish you luck in your journey. I know it's not an easy position to be in at all!

 

[MacMama0930]

I will say that my impulsivity has gotten me into trouble at times, sometimes serious trouble. It has also been the catalyst for some of the most amazing aspects of my life. Both sides of the coin have been equally impactive on my life - good and bad.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Oops, zombie thread, sorry! But I have similar questions to this PP

I think we have revived it rather than start a new one. So much of it still pertains!