Pay for the person behind you trend? (chains)

[mom2rtk]

I guess I'm a terrible person. Twice in the last month someone in front of me has paid for my order. Each time I had ordered only a $1 drink. Neither time did I feel obligated to purchase for the car behind me. I just smiled and moved on.

 

[emer95]

I do it on occasion at Tim Hortons. I never expect it to be a “chain.” Just a nice way to make someone’s morning a little brighter.

Once, years ago, I saw one of my students and her mom behind me in the drive through. I told the employee that I wanted to pay for their order as a surprise and he said, “Are you sure? It’s $26.” That’s a lot at Tim Hortons! I still paid for it. It was adorable how excited they were. Every so often I run into them and they will mention how much it meant to them.

 

[Allison]

I guess I'm a terrible person. Twice in the last month someone in front of me has paid for my order. Each time I had ordered only a $1 drink. Neither time did I feel obligated to purchase for the car behind me. I just smiled and moved on.

I'm not sure how you got this out of the discussion.

 

[emer95]

I guess I'm a terrible person. Twice in the last month someone in front of me has paid for my order. Each time I had ordered only a $1 drink. Neither time did I feel obligated to purchase for the car behind me. I just smiled and moved on.

Not a terrible person at all! That’s exactly what the person was hoping to do-make you smile.

 

[Brett Wyman]

This isn't new. I agree with a previous poster, you are way overthinking it. It is just a fun, feel good thing. In today's world, that is not a bad thing. You aren't required to participate. Other than the cashier, no one else will know or care.

I think OPs point though, is that if it’s a chain its not really benefitting anyone. So it’s feel good for feel goods sake without actually providing a benefit to anyone except the person who breaks the chain.(That’s pretty non-feel good to me).

To me the take away from this is, if you want to “feel good” donate to a food bank, shelter, or similar programs instead of buying fries for the guy in a Range Rover behind you.

 

[Karin1984]

What does being broke have to do with it? Can't people do something kind for anyone?

It would be a better world if we just appreciated people showing kindness instead of trying to figure it out or judge it.

There is a bigger impact when you pay for someone who actually needs it.

My personal take on this is, most people are brought up to do things for themselves and be independent. When someone does something for you what you are perfectly capable of doing yourself, that clashes. That's why some women object to men opening doors to them, pulling out seat. No one will ever tie your shoelaces as a random act of kindness.

Is it still kindness if you do not take into consideration the receiver? Or should it then be considered selfish as you are only doing it to feel good about yourself?

 

[sam_gordon]

I think OPs point though, is that if it’s a chain its not really benefitting anyone. So it’s feel good for feel goods sake without actually providing a benefit to anyone except the person who breaks the chain.(That’s pretty non-feel good to me).

Not necessarily. If the person in front of you pays for your order (let's say it's $25), and you decide to use that money to pay for the person behind you (and theirs is $10), YOU benefit. And why does anyone need to "benefit" immediately in the first place? There's nothing that says you have to pay for the person behind you EVER, much less at that point in time. I think the point is people are trying to do something nice for a total stranger with no expectation of thanks or appreciation.

Has our thoughts really gotten to this? Where doing something nice is considered a "bad" thing?

 

[Allison]

Kindness is kindness. It is separate from charity.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm not sure how you got this out of the discussion.

Not really the discussion here. Just my internal feelings at the time. It felt awkward, and I've heard enough of these "chain" stories to feel like the expectation is that I'll pay for the person behind me.

 

[Allison]

Has our thoughts really gotten to this? Where doing something nice is considered a "bad" thing?

Isn't it sad? Now we have people judging if someone else's kindness meets their own criteria. The world has gone mad.

 

[cvjw]

Only had it happen once to me. Ordered about $30 from chick fil a in the drive thru line. Start of the pandemic and the line was moving so slow. Got to the window and our order had been paid by the lady in front of us. The employee said she had just had a baby and was celebrating by doing random acts of kindness. Paying for $30 worth of chick fil a for a stranger is a huge act of kindness! I did pay for the people behind us, but it was just a few dollars.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think OPs point though, is that if it’s a chain its not really benefitting anyone. So it’s feel good for feel goods sake without actually providing a benefit to anyone except the person who breaks the chain.(That’s pretty non-feel good to me).

To me the take away from this is, if you want to “feel good” donate to a food bank, shelter, or similar programs instead of buying fries for the guy in a Range Rover behind you.

Ah but what's the point when you're trying to do something feel good....to judge someone by appearance alone? That doesn't strike me as very kindly. If you want to do something kind don't look at the fact that they drive a Range Rover. The take away should always be do something nice or kind for someone else. Whatever that nice or kind thing may be, there are endless possibilities and certainly not confined to spending money either.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

There is a bigger impact when you pay for someone who actually needs it.

My personal take on this is, most people are brought up to do things for themselves and be independent. When someone does something for you what you are perfectly capable of doing yourself, that clashes. That's why some women object to men opening doors to them, pulling out seat. No one will ever tie your shoelaces as a random act of kindness.

Is it still kindness if you do not take into consideration the receiver? Or should it then be considered selfish as you are only doing it to feel good about yourself?

This may highlight the difference in viewpoints. You can be independent and brought up to be independent and yet also be aware and conscious of those around you. When someone internalizes a door being open for them, a seat pulled out, etc as meaning they are incapable of doing it themselves it might mean perhaps stepping back for a moment to consider "is that really what they are saying by this act alone?". Most people nowadays do these things, especially holding the door open, as just the thing to do regardless of the gender and that is usually something not taught to generate a feel good moment but rather a manners driven thing.

I have actually seen people tie shoelaces for someone else, usually it's for people who seem to struggle (maybe elderly, appear to have motor control issues or they have stuff in their hands).

You can still feel good about yourself and yet not become self-righteous about it which I feel your last statement kind of touches on.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I was part of a chain at Starbucks and I learned my lesson. I’ll say no next time. The order behind me was over $40 and my order was $5. My daughter had a gift card with about $5 on it and so I said I’d take her through. It meant not using the gift card and having to pay cash. How do you even order $40 at Starbucks?

This happened locally a few years ago. A chain started at a Starbuck's drive-thru a couple days before Christmas and made the evening news. The next day was Christmas Eve and it was still going. It was great for the Starbuck's because they had a long line all day. People were rallying for it to continue until the store closed that day. Finally, a guy came along and ordered a coffee. He was told the car ahead of him paid. He asked how much the car behind him spent. They had a huge order of Venti drinks and bakery items. He didn't pay for them. They staff was interviewed again by a reporter and they told the story of how the chain was broken. I can't say I blame the guy. When people hear about these chains, there are likely to be some who will try to take advantage. It becomes more than a casual act of kindness.

 

[CdnCarrie]

My in-laws love to purchase police officer's food when they are at a restaurant. They also do that for those who served in the military if they know it (my step-father-in-law is retired navy). It's just their thing they like to do to show appreciation for the service these individuals do or have done. The pay it forward typically has nothing to do with someone's perceived level of income but rather a way to share some kindness out there. If it's not your thing hey that's okay. Your way of sharing some kindness can just as easily be donating some money to a homeless shelter. We use AmazonSmile and donate to the cat rescue/adoption place where we got our cat. It's our way of giving back to them even as tiny as an amount it can be (we also have dropped off some newspaper and other small things).

I love the idea of paying for those in service!

Meh. I just rather give the money to those in need. Just my opinion.

 

[Donald13]

I was part of a chain at Starbucks and I learned my lesson. I’ll say no next time. The order behind me was over $40 and my order was $5. My daughter had a gift card with about $5 on it and so I said I’d take her through. It meant not using the gift card and having to pay cash. How do you even order $40 at Starbucks?

That’s about 5 drinks. Lol. For real thou it’s easy to spend $40 there.

 

[disykat]

We were part of a chain once. It was nice. I’ve also randomly paid for the cars behind me.

Maybe you can answer my questions. How did you know you were part of a chain? How do you know how much the order for the people behind you will be?

YES, to all the people who say I am overthinking it. It's called having a discussion on a discussion board. I'm really curious about how this works. I'm asking people who may have been part of one. This has NOTHING to do with randomly deciding to pay for someone's coffee, do something nice for someone, or help some out who is struggling. It has nothing to do with charitable giving. This has to do with finding yourself in the middle of a 350 car chain that has inexplicably all decided to pay for the order behind them. The whole thing is an enigma to me so I'm asking.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I was part of a chain at Starbucks and I learned my lesson. I’ll say no next time. The order behind me was over $40 and my order was $5. My daughter had a gift card with about $5 on it and so I said I’d take her through. It meant not using the gift card and having to pay cash. How do you even order $40 at Starbucks?

With my luck, I'd be ordering just a shake and the person behind me would be ordering 100 big macs for the big mac eating challenge.

Hmmm.....

My take is, if you want to "keep the chain going" it's up to you.

I also think that you should not be required to pay the whole bill, if you want to do this. Especially if their order is a really big one. Maybe just pay what you paid for your order to be applied to the following person's bill.

 

[sam_gordon]

Maybe you can answer my questions. How did you know you were part of a chain? How do you know how much the order for the people behind you will be?

YES, to all the people who say I am overthinking it. It's called having a discussion on a discussion board. I'm really curious about how this works. I'm asking people who may have been part of one. This has NOTHING to do with randomly deciding to pay for someone's coffee, do something nice for someone, or help some out who is struggling. This has to do with finding yourself in the middle of a 350 car chain that has inexplicably all decided to pay for the order behind them. The whole thing is an enigma to me so I'm asking.

You should have no idea how long the chain is if you're in one. All you should know is the car ahead of you paid for your order. Then you decide to either just accept it or ask about paying for the person behind you.

As far as finding out how much the car behind you owes, when you pay for your meal, ask.

IMO, you should never be told how long the chain is/was UNLESS you decide to continue the chain. Only the store employees would have that information, and should never make you feel bad if you break the chain.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

IMO, you should never be told how long the chain is/was UNLESS you decide to continue the chain. Only the store employees would have that information, and should never make you feel bad if you break the chain.

I agree with this. When my mom told me her story many months ago I thought it was a bit off to actually tell people. I got the point the employees were getting at but I also felt that could really put someone in an awkward position if they don't wish to do it ya know?