Pay for the person behind you trend? (chains)

[Southernmiss]

What does it matter if someone is 'less fortunate' or more deserving of a pay it forward chain at a drive through?.

My daughter was part of a high school club who had a t shirt made that said "Throw kindness around like confetti".

We could all use some more kindness, especially this year.

If you can continue the chain, great. If not, smile and say thank you.

 

[cedricandsophie]

I’ve paid for the person behind me at Starbucks drive through several times. MAkes me feel good. I don’t care what they choose to do. And I’ve paid for coffee or food for cops.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I also think that you should not be required to pay the whole bill, if you want to do this. Especially if their order is a really big one. Maybe just pay what you paid for your order to be applied to the following person's bill.

This may just be my opinion but that's probably just even more against the practice when it's done as a drive-thru thing. I know I know but either you're doing it to because you want to give a gesture or not. There's a lot of attention being paid to what the amount is the quantity of the order in which it's conditional; you'll only give this amount not the whole amount. If this is causing someone to really think that way maybe it's better to give back a different way. Of course the fact that you're offering is great too and I don't wish to diminish that but pay it forward is about so much more than a person's order in a drive-thru and there's a lot more ways to give back than worrying over how much someone's order is or that they had this many from their order

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My experience. I had read about people doing this but never experienced it myself. Then one day last year my son bought coffee for a police officer behind him at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru. It made my son happy and I’m sure the officer appreciated it. I was proud of my son for doing that, especially considering he didn’t have much of an income at the time. But it was just from the goodness of his heart.

Fast forward to March or April. I wasn’t feeling my best. I had just lost my mother after caring for her at home during a prolonged illness. I was nursing an injury myself. And I was experiencing some long, tough shifts in the Covid ICUs. I had to leave for work quite a bit early as we had to collect our PPE before the shift, lines were long for PPE and for things like elevators due to distancing, we had to figure out where we were assigned, and it took time to change, etc. Not normally wearing a surgical cap, I put mine on before I left home so I could make it look halfway decent.

So wearily, I was sitting in the drive thru line spacing out a bit when I went up to the window and the girl there told me the woman in the car in front of me had paid for my coffee. Darn, if I didn’t actually start to bawl right then and there (as I still get teary about it right now). Someone actually cared enough about me to do this (at a time I wasn’t feeling very cared about)! I know it’s just a small, random act of kindness, but to me, right then and there, at that moment, it meant the world to me. I wish I could’ve thanked her but she had driven away. And there was no one in line behind me then. But I’ve tried to pay it forward with little kindnesses to other people, such as buying homeless people I encounter a meal, or bringing something home cooked into a patient who has no visitors coming in, etc. I believe these little things are important in life and do more good than we realize. Sure, I still make donations to organizations, too, but the personal touch to these random acts of kindness can not be substituted. We never know who will appreciate it the most, but we can still try. Things are so tough in our world right now. I read something the other day that described someone doing something nice for people who looked like they needed it. Not a bad idea, really. And thanks for the re-inspiration.

 

[disneychrista]

I've never had someone pay for me in a drive-thru but I rarely go through a drive thru.

I did have a group of people buy me a beer because I moved from a table to the bar so they could sit there. The only reason I was at the table was because there was no space at the bar when I got there.

 

[Where'sPiglet?]

I was part of a chain at Starbucks and I learned my lesson. I’ll say no next time. The order behind me was over $40 and my order was $5. My daughter had a gift card with about $5 on it and so I said I’d take her through. It meant not using the gift card and having to pay cash. How do you even order $40 at Starbucks?

Oof.

Hmmm.....

My take is, if you want to "keep the chain going" it's up to you.

I also think that you should not be required to pay the whole bill, if you want to do this. Especially if their order is a really big one. Maybe just pay what you paid for your order to be applied to the following person's bill.

This happened to me a couple weeks ago at a Dairy Queen. The cashier at the window told me the car in front of me had paid for my order. I have no idea if it was part of a chain or not. I asked how much the order behind me was, it was over $20; mine was $8. I I just applied the amount of mine to theirs.

I've never had someone pay for me in a drive-thru but I rarely go through a drive thru.

I also rarely go through the drive-thru. I prefer to park and go in, but with Covid, that isn't possible at many places. (Yes, still.)

 

[disneychrista]

I also rarely go through the drive-thru. I prefer to park and go in, but with Covid, that isn't possible at many places. (Yes, still.)

I haven't been to many places since March because drive thru being the only option.

 

[Where'sPiglet?]

I haven't been to many places since March because drive thru being the only option.

Sometimes I just want that Dairy Queen blizzard! Although I think that my Tillamook in the freezer at home is better ice cream.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Not necessarily. If the person in front of you pays for your order (let's say it's $25), and you decide to use that money to pay for the person behind you (and theirs is $10), YOU benefit. And why does anyone need to "benefit" immediately in the first place?

There's nothing that says you have to pay for the person behind you EVER, much less at that point in time. I think the point is people are trying to do something nice for a total stranger with no expectation of thanks or appreciation.

Has our thoughts really gotten to this? Where doing something nice is considered a "bad" thing?

Never said it was a bad thing. If people want to do so then more power to them.
I have limited resources to give away so rather give it to someone down on their luck like purchasing extra canned goods for the food bank while grocery shopping than buying coffee for the hockey mom in the $30,000 SUV behind me in the drive thru.

Everyone’s perspective is different.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Never said it was a bad thing. If people want to do so then more power to them.
I have limited resources to give away so rather give it to someone down on their luck like purchasing extra canned goods for the food bank while grocery shopping than buying coffee for the hockey mom in the $30,000 SUV behind me in the drive thru.

Everyone’s perspective is different.

Holy stereotyping, Batman!

Some of those same people are going to the food bank! Most everyone needs a car.

Whatever. Do as you like.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Holy stereotyping, Batman!

Some of those same people are going to the food bank! Most everyone needs a car.

Whatever. Do as you like.

Exactly! Everyone should do as they like.

You can still make people’s day by being polite and friendly - opening the door for them, saying hello, letting them in traffic. Don’t need to buy them Timbits.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Exactly! Everyone should do as they like.

You can still make people’s day by being polite and friendly - opening the door for them, saying hello, letting them in traffic. Don’t need to buy them Timbits.

When you strip all the coverings away, it really just boils down to each person’s humanity. Everyone has bad days and most can benefit from the kindness of others. Sure, it doesn’t have to have a price on it, but for a few bucks, it can be really unique and fun.

 

[sam_gordon]

Never said it was a bad thing. If people want to do so then more power to them.
I have limited resources to give away so rather give it to someone down on their luck like purchasing extra canned goods for the food bank while grocery shopping than buying coffee for the hockey mom in the $30,000 SUV behind me in the drive thru.

Everyone’s perspective is different.

And of course, you have no idea what the story is for that woman in the $30,000 SUV behind you.

 

[Allison]

I choose not to weight my kindness to others based on assumed financial standing. I also see it as a separate thing from philanthropy. Just my philosophy.

 

[Brett Wyman]

Not necessarily. If the person in front of you pays for your order (let's say it's $25), and you decide to use that money to pay for the person behind you (and theirs is $10), YOU benefit. And why does anyone need to "benefit" immediately in the first place? There's nothing that says you have to pay for the person behind you EVER, much less at that point in time. I think the point is people are trying to do something nice for a total stranger with no expectation of thanks or appreciation.

Has our thoughts really gotten to this? Where doing something nice is considered a "bad" thing?

But that’s just it you aren’t doing anything nice. Its an illusion of doing something nice. It’s a wash until the person who stops the chain gets a free meal. It’s a way for people to make themselves feel like they helped someone when really they didn’t.

Now if you paid for your entire meal and the meal for family in the car behind you, and they stopped. That’s a nice gesture I suppose. But still I’d prefer to know I was helping someone who needed help.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Never said it was a bad thing. If people want to do so then more power to them.
I have limited resources to give away so rather give it to someone down on their luck like purchasing extra canned goods for the food bank while grocery shopping than buying coffee for the hockey mom in the $30,000 SUV behind me in the drive thru.

Everyone’s perspective is different.

Maybe that was a rental car, maybe that was a car used because their other car was in the shop or had just been totaled, maybe they borrowed the car, maybe they've owned the car, maybe they have this car but could use a pick me up because they've had a hard day (don't we all). I didn't realize that generosity came with this idea that you must look like you're just getting by. No ill will meant but perhaps anything connected with a financial contribution should be off the table for you, other acts of kindness without contributing with your wallet seem to be a better fit for you then you won't have to grapple with "do I really need to pay it forward because they don't look like they need any help for anyone." And really I don't mean that in a rude way it just seems like in a few comments it was a sticking point to you this perception of need that comes from buying

 

[disykat]

But the thing now with the chain expectation is that you're not treating the person behind you. Somehow it's become the expectation that that person then treats the person behind them and so on. So basically, the person who is treated is the last person at closing, unless of course they're encouraged to pay for the first person the next morning.

To me, the initial "gift" is lost in the fray. I don't really see any kindness in it at that point, it's more like a contest IMO. One person randomly giving to make someone's day is a random act of kindness. The chain thing? Over 50 posts in and I still don't get it. It kind of confirms my thoughts that if it happens to me I'll accept the gift and then add that amount to my charitable giving budget to pay it forward at another time.

 

[Allison]

If someone is inspired to be kind to someone because they received kindness, it doesn't cancel anything out. It actually multiplies the kindness and we can certainly use more of that.

 

[DisLiss]

It's supposed to just a random act of kindness. No rules. No protocols. No expectations.

It certainly doesn't matter if you start a chain, continue a chain, or end a chain.

It's not something that's supposed to cause anyone stress, uncertainty, or anxiety. It's supposed to be one kindness for one person. If a chain starts it's just because the cars involved all happened to decide to do the same thing on the same day.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

But that’s just it you aren’t doing anything nice. Its an illusion of doing something nice. It’s a wash until the person who stops the chain gets a free meal. It’s a way for people to make themselves feel like they helped someone when really they didn’t.

Now if you paid for your entire meal and the meal for family in the car behind you, and they stopped. That’s a nice gesture I suppose. But still I’d prefer to know I was helping someone who needed help.

Isn't helping someone because you are judging their appearance and situation an illusion of doing something nice? Couldn't someone say you aren't really doing anything nice because you place such heavy restriction on just who you deem needs help or that someone must tangibly benefit from it?