Teen Female Suicide Way Up

[DLgal]

Social media. The kids are not alright.

It's not only social media.

I have an 12 year old suicidal nephew. He is not even on any social media and only got a phone a few months ago. He was suicidal before that.

 

[GreatLakes]

I think all of society, children and adults, are suffering a loss of real connectivity and social interaction. There isn't anything inherently wrong with social media, it is tool like any other tool, but like most things in life it needs to be used in moderation. I look at it like adults and alcohol. For most people there is noting wrong with a little bit of either but if you are the kind of person that can't control yourself it is best to abstain completely. There is no "just one" for you whether that is drinks or clicks.

That said, if 100% of your social interactions are through that medium you will just not have a healthy life. Even at the height of lock down we made sure to get together outside with friends and not live our lives in total isolation. There is enough research to show lack of close, interpersonal, face to face relationships is unhealthy. As soon as the world got back to normal we made it a point to get together with friends often, plan group trips, and have more get togethers. Maybe we took those things for granted too much before.

COVID was bad but it is over. At this point if anyone, adult or child, hasn't waded back into society it is a choice.

 

[starlite_]

It's not only social media.

I have an 12 year old suicidal nephew. He is not even on any social media and only got a phone a few months ago. He was suicidal before that.

Agree. It's honestly so many things. At the top of my head: healthcare, basic human rights, the housing market, the economy, the possibility of a good retirement, climate crisis, future job security, the cost of college, teens and preteens on social media convincing each other that liking ppl their age makes them sexual predators (yes really), liking a cartoon makes them sexual predators (I wish I was joking), lack of safe (and accesible) spaces for them to hang out offline AND online ... I could keep going.

Imo what social media and the internet has done is make teens aware of all of this issues a lot earlier than previous generations. For good and for bad.

 

[Frwinkley]

Probably better not to start on the conspiracy theories here folks. Lockdown did indeed hurt ppl, but disease hurts them too. Can we all just agree it was a no win situation no matter what happened and leave it at that?

I do want to comment on the too much screen time, while I do agree. Has anyone here ever question why parents allow it? If someone has to work 2 jobs to make ends meet, of course they cannot control everything their child watches or does. Not saying it's the situation for everyone, some parents are just neglectful, but lets not assume the worst of every parent.

Parents are using screens as babysitters. Every parent for the last 50 years has done that. The only difference is that when I sat my child is front of the TV to watch "Sesame Street", I knew she was watching Sesame Street. Parents are handing kids devices or letting them retreat to their rooms with computers and have absolutely no idea what these kids are watching. Kids are stumbling upon things that are completely inappropriate for their age, and thereby becoming desensitized to lots of very adult content.

 

[starlite_]

Parents are using screens as babysitters. Every parent for the last 50 years has done that. The only difference is that when I sat my child is front of the TV to watch "Sesame Street", I knew she was watching Sesame Street. Parents are handing kids devices or letting them retreat to their rooms with computers and have absolutely no idea what these kids are watching. Kids are stumbling upon things that are completely inappropriate for their age, and thereby becoming desensitized to lots of very adult content.

For sure, some out of laziness and some out of necessity.

 

[kerry1379]

One interesting thing I am noting in high school is the addiction to the phones the kids have. In elective classes I have helped in (maybe it is different in the core classes but I doubt it), I see teachers that allow some use of phones (for example: to look up inspiration for an art project, or to listen to music). All they ask in return is that the kids NOT use their phones for games, videos, and such and actually work on the project at hand. Many of the kids cannot seem to do it. The teacher gives several reminders through out the class period and they get docked points toward their grades. But still, at just about any moment, I can look around and see kids on their phones playing games and such. It is like they physically cannot put the phones down. And then if there are a few minutes of free time, the phones always come out. Very few kids actually start turning to each other and talking. It is scary to witness.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

My daughter (17) started going to a therapist 2 months ago. She has anxiety. Mostly over school stuff and friends issues. When her doctor gave me the list of recommended therapists, I was shocked at what happened. I must of called 10-15 and none of them had availability and/or not taking on any new patients. I eventually found one and waited almost 3 months to get in. The office building we go to has about 8 offices all with therapists and 99% that I've seen so far are kids. I'd say the youngest I've seen is about 10 years old. The majority in their teens.

 

[Pink Partridge]

It's not only social media.

I have an 12 year old suicidal nephew. He is not even on any social media and only got a phone a few months ago. He was suicidal before that.

This is (sadly) interesting. Is he bullied at school by social media/phone addicts? Do they think it is chemical?

12 years old. Very heartbreaking.

 

[DLgal]

This is (sadly) interesting. Is he bullied at school by social media/phone addicts? Do they think it is chemical?

12 years old. Very heartbreaking.

Chemical? What do you mean by that? He might be bullied, but he has denied that.

This kid has always been anxious, even as a toddler. He was barely able to sleep through the night in his room by himself. Always ended up on the floor next to my sister's bed, all the way up to now. He is an only child. At 12, after a traumatic experience last December (sudden violent loss of his dog) he is back in his parents room on an air mattress, full time. He is an only child. This, to me, speaks to a serious underlying issue.

I have my suspicions about what is going on with him. When he was 2-4, he loved Disney princesses, wanted to always dress as a girl, paint his nails, had a Pink Disney Princess bathroom, wanted to grow his hair long "like Rapunzel", loved to sing and perform for his family, etc. His parents encouraged it, supported it, etc. When he started Kindergarten, his parents seemingly put the squash on ALL of that, redecorated his bathroom, pulled all the princess art off tye walls, and suddenly he "loved" Star Wars and sports and all the typical boy things. And the light went out from his eyes. He adopted a flat affect. He tried ALL the sports. Didn't like any of them. Never had a close friend until he was 8, a boy who he told me was "a total sweetheart." They were best friends for 3 years, then he moved away. Then he started Middle School. And it has been a disaster. He was physically sick in the mornings with anxiety. He was not making friends. He was overwhelmed with the change from elementary school (multiple classes, multiple teachers, a block schedule). He just didn't adjust well at ALL. At this point, my sister FINALLY seemed to figure out he needed therapy. But she didn't do anything to get that started. Then, in December, his 7 year old dog, his best friend, was hit by a car and killed. Later that day, he told his parents "I wish it had been me instead." THAT is what finally lit the fire under my sister to get him in with a therapist. This kid needed therapy YEARS ago. My sister is a teacher. She is a smart person, but she has no common sense and is very stubborn sometimes. I told my mom several years ago that I was worried about my nephew and feared he would become suicidal. My mom agreed with me. We all saw it. My sister is the "everything is fine" type. She probably sees this as a parenting failure and didn't want to face that.

I think my nephew is unsure about who he is, or who he wants to be. I think the early message he received from his parents was "you can be who you want inside these 4 walls, but not when it's time to go out into the world." It's very sad. I think this child is definitely somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum and has parents who OUTWARDLY support this when it comes to other people, but who have sent mixed messages to their own child about it. He is still very sheltered, immature, and naive at 12, so I'm not even sure how much of this he even fully understands himself, but it seems clear that he is deeply unhappy. His best friends are his younger cousins (2 amd 4 years younger), and he doesn't seem to have strong social connections at school.

I'm hopeful that he will eventually figure out who he is and what makes him happy.

 

[Moliphino]

Chemical? What do you mean by that? He might be bullied, but he has denied that.

I'm guessing they meant chemical imbalance in the brain? Though Google tells me that now they believe that isn't really a thing, but I definitely remember it from antidepressant ads from years back.

 

[RamblingMad]

Chemical? What do you mean by that? He might be bullied, but he has denied that.

This kid has always been anxious, even as a toddler. He was barely able to sleep through the night in his room by himself. Always ended up on the floor next to my sister's bed, all the way up to now. He is an only child. At 12, after a traumatic experience last December (sudden violent loss of his dog) he is back in his parents room on an air mattress, full time. He is an only child. This, to me, speaks to a serious underlying issue.

I have my suspicions about what is going on with him. When he was 2-4, he loved Disney princesses, wanted to always dress as a girl, paint his nails, had a Pink Disney Princess bathroom, wanted to grow his hair long "like Rapunzel", loved to sing and perform for his family, etc. His parents encouraged it, supported it, etc. When he started Kindergarten, his parents seemingly put the squash on ALL of that, redecorated his bathroom, pulled all the princess art off tye walls, and suddenly he "loved" Star Wars and sports and all the typical boy things. And the light went out from his eyes. He adopted a flat affect. He tried ALL the sports. Didn't like any of them. Never had a close friend until he was 8, a boy who he told me was "a total sweetheart." They were best friends for 3 years, then he moved away. Then he started Middle School. And it has been a disaster. He was physically sick in the mornings with anxiety. He was not making friends. He was overwhelmed with the change from elementary school (multiple classes, multiple teachers, a block schedule). He just didn't adjust well at ALL. At this point, my sister FINALLY seemed to figure out he needed therapy. But she didn't do anything to get that started. Then, in December, his 7 year old dog, his best friend, was hit by a car and killed. Later that day, he told his parents "I wish it had been me instead." THAT is what finally lit the fire under my sister to get him in with a therapist. This kid needed therapy YEARS ago. My sister is a teacher. She is a smart person, but she has no common sense and is very stubborn sometimes. I told my mom several years ago that I was worried about my nephew and feared he would become suicidal. My mom agreed with me. We all saw it. My sister is the "everything is fine" type. She probably sees this as a parenting failure and didn't want to face that.

I think my nephew is unsure about who he is, or who he wants to be. I think the early message he received from his parents was "you can be who you want inside these 4 walls, but not when it's time to go out into the world." It's very sad. I think this child is definitely somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum and has parents who OUTWARDLY support this when it comes to other people, but who have sent mixed messages to their own child about it. He is still very sheltered, immature, and naive at 12, so I'm not even sure how much of this he even fully understands himself, but it seems clear that he is deeply unhappy. His best friends are his younger cousins (2 amd 4 years younger), and he doesn't seem to have strong social connections at school.

I'm hopeful that he will eventually figure out who he is and what makes him happy.

Part of growing up is figuring out who you are and learning to conform based on what the education systems says you should be. And then doing this as both your mind and body develop.

I grew up in the 80s, where parents were absent. We had to cope and figure this stuff out.

The kids that went to therapy were basically drugged. The kids that didn’t go found alternative drugs. And some avoided them altogether.

There are no right answers. The science keeps on changing. What might be right today probably won’t be in the future. Regardless, learning to cope is something this kid seems to need to learn.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Chemical? What do you mean by that? He might be bullied, but he has denied that.

Sorry, I meant chemical imbalance.

Your description of what is going on with your nephew shows me that he is lucky to have someone like you in his life. I hope he can spend more time with you along his journey through his teenage years.

 

[Frwinkley]

Chemical? What do you mean by that? He might be bullied, but he has denied that.

This kid has always been anxious, even as a toddler. He was barely able to sleep through the night in his room by himself. Always ended up on the floor next to my sister's bed, all the way up to now. He is an only child. At 12, after a traumatic experience last December (sudden violent loss of his dog) he is back in his parents room on an air mattress, full time. He is an only child. This, to me, speaks to a serious underlying issue.

I have my suspicions about what is going on with him. When he was 2-4, he loved Disney princesses, wanted to always dress as a girl, paint his nails, had a Pink Disney Princess bathroom, wanted to grow his hair long "like Rapunzel", loved to sing and perform for his family, etc. His parents encouraged it, supported it, etc. When he started Kindergarten, his parents seemingly put the squash on ALL of that, redecorated his bathroom, pulled all the princess art off tye walls, and suddenly he "loved" Star Wars and sports and all the typical boy things. And the light went out from his eyes. He adopted a flat affect. He tried ALL the sports. Didn't like any of them. Never had a close friend until he was 8, a boy who he told me was "a total sweetheart." They were best friends for 3 years, then he moved away. Then he started Middle School. And it has been a disaster. He was physically sick in the mornings with anxiety. He was not making friends. He was overwhelmed with the change from elementary school (multiple classes, multiple teachers, a block schedule). He just didn't adjust well at ALL. At this point, my sister FINALLY seemed to figure out he needed therapy. But she didn't do anything to get that started. Then, in December, his 7 year old dog, his best friend, was hit by a car and killed. Later that day, he told his parents "I wish it had been me instead." THAT is what finally lit the fire under my sister to get him in with a therapist. This kid needed therapy YEARS ago. My sister is a teacher. She is a smart person, but she has no common sense and is very stubborn sometimes. I told my mom several years ago that I was worried about my nephew and feared he would become suicidal. My mom agreed with me. We all saw it. My sister is the "everything is fine" type. She probably sees this as a parenting failure and didn't want to face that.

I think my nephew is unsure about who he is, or who he wants to be. I think the early message he received from his parents was "you can be who you want inside these 4 walls, but not when it's time to go out into the world." It's very sad. I think this child is definitely somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum and has parents who OUTWARDLY support this when it comes to other people, but who have sent mixed messages to their own child about it. He is still very sheltered, immature, and naive at 12, so I'm not even sure how much of this he even fully understands himself, but it seems clear that he is deeply unhappy. His best friends are his younger cousins (2 amd 4 years younger), and he doesn't seem to have strong social connections at school.

I'm hopeful that he will eventually figure out who he is and what makes him happy.

My goodness. This is so heartbreaking. I wish parents would love and accept their children as they are.