This is Us- Season six

[PollyannaMom]

He got her to a point where she could explore a real life and her passions. If they have never married that would not have happened.

But the same goes for him. He told Kate straight out that he was a mess before her. She did as much to get him to a point where he could grow as he did to get her there.

It's just a shame they grew apart and not together.

Any thoughts on how they filmed the "old Toby"?..were these parts filmed a long time ago or did they just do a really good job with prosthetics?

I think it was prosthetics.

I think so too.

I am #TeamKate# all the way, however. Toby just said it over coffee. "This family will only work if you and the kids move here. That just has to be." Oh, thank you, Grand Pooba. So much for exploring and taking time and investigating and compromising. Now, I feel good about her eventually ending up with Philip.

Me too. I'm not saying she's perfect, and I was even kind of mad at her for fantasizing about "old Toby" at first. - I felt like deep down she was jealous that he lost the weight and she didn't.

But I realized it's so much more than that! "New Toby" isn't just thin, new Toby let confidence go so far to his head that he's stuck in the wrong century, where the man makes all the decisions for the family, and his wife is treated as a just another child - who not only has no say, but is "protected" even from information.

And that right there is her answer to "Why should I?" - She is finally ready to not be protected - to grow up, climb the hill, everything...Kate is ready to swim.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I see Kate as selfish. She wants Toby to give up everything but she won't budge on anything.

 

[mom2rtk]

That comment from Toby about how she has to move there seems way too easy a way to make him the bad guy in all of this. I don't buy that overbearing comment from him, even after the time they've been apart. Makes it way too easy to side with Kate.

Kate likely wouldn't be able to afford to stay in her house and get the sort of help Jack will need without the high income Toby is apparently now making. If (when) they split Toby will likely be paying most of the bills.

It all seems just so sudden though. And neither one of them seems to want to try and find a compromise. And they both seem like they love each other enough that they would want to find a compromise. So the episode just didn't work for me.

 

[anniemae]

I see them at an impasse and it is so sad. Toby is happy and fulfilled in SF and Kate is happy and fulfilled in LA. They both worked so hard to fight demons and get to a place were they are finally happy, unfortunately one of them will have to give up that happiness to be together as a family. My heart is broken, I love Kate and Toby. I didn't like how Toby told her she had to quit her job and move to SF. He should have known that would not work with Kate.

 

[soccerdad72]

Any thoughts on how they filmed the "old Toby"?..were these parts filmed a long time ago or did they just do a really good job with prosthetics?

My understanding is that all the episodes when Toby was larger were shot with prosthetics. He was never that large in real life

 

[mickey916]

My understanding is that all the episodes when Toby was larger were shot with prosthetics. He was never that large in real life

I did see an interview at the beginning that they added extra padding. What amazes me is his face. I can see how they'd add padding to his belly but pulling off the face and making it look natural is really something....

 

[SC Minnie]

I found it interesting at the pool when they were younger-- Jack 'threw' Kevin in to 'sink or swim'-- he needed to learn. But with Kate he used kid gloves. She didn't want to get her face wet and he didn't force it. Kate was coddled and not forced outside of her comfort zone while Kevin was treated differently.

I didn't think I would like this episode but I did. At the end Kate found herself and realized she needed to take control of her own actions and if she believed she could then she had to try. She had grown up not wanting to try because she wasn't comfortable.

 

[lisaviolet]

That comment from Toby about how she has to move there seems way too easy a way to make him the bad guy in all of this. I don't buy that overbearing comment from him, even after the time they've been apart. Makes it way too easy to side with Kate.

Me too.

However, I think Toby has enjoyed the distancing from Kate's family. From the beginning he has struggled with that dynamic, it has been shown in both small and more expansive ways almost every single episode that involves the extended family.

I can only imagine how freeing it must be for him to be in San Francisco and not have the same complete dynamic that he struggles with so frequently. I am not agreeing with his thoughts on family, simply noting them.

I honestly saw that *You will do what I say* moment as much a way of having a life sans daily parts of the Pearson's, as a coming to a solution as a couple and a family.

---------

And in tandem there is an underlying part of Kate that is being missed. A quiet part, that is huge.

As I have said many times, my mother had dementia for years. During her last years I had a relationship where I was asked to move away with him. It was not a marriage, so I might be being completely unfair and unjust here - but I do believe that I would have chosen my mother over any form of relationship move during those years, including marriage Not a relationship, but a relationship move. Someone would have had to literally kidnap me from her side. I know that is not productive for another's life - but it is the truth.

I am not a Kate fan but do not underestimate the hurt - and clarity - she must have felt to have Toby make these decisions and ultimatums without taking her moments with Rebecca at least into the broader conversation of the moment.

 

[lisaviolet]

I
found it interesting at the pool when they were younger-- Jack 'threw' Kevin in to 'sink or swim'-- he needed to learn. But with Kate he used kid gloves. She didn't want to get her face wet and he didn't force it. Kate was coddled and not forced outside of her comfort zone while Kevin was treated differently.

Rebecca saw the difference in parenting, and it was clear to me watching her face that she did not agree with it.

 

[mickey916]

Also, besides the distance from her mother, Kate also has very valid concerns about Jack having to "learn" a new environment. That's no small task and kind of selfish of Toby to ask....

 

[bethbuchall]

I found it interesting at the pool when they were younger-- Jack 'threw' Kevin in to 'sink or swim'-- he needed to learn. But with Kate he used kid gloves. She didn't want to get her face wet and he didn't force it. Kate was coddled and not forced outside of her comfort zone while Kevin was treated differently.

I didn't think I would like this episode but I did. At the end Kate found herself and realized she needed to take control of her own actions and if she believed she could then she had to try. She had grown up not wanting to try because she wasn't comfortable.

I saw that as the different nature of the kids. Kevin was always ahead of himself. He was ready to jump off the diving board and touch the drain before he has the ability to swim. He didn’t build foundations and just jumped into life. Jack wasn’t so much forcing him to learn to swim as he was forcing him to make sure he had the skills he needed to jump into what he wanted.

Kate was very reticent and needed to feel the security before she was able to believe in herself enough to try. Forcing her into the water before she really felt that stability beneath her wouldn’t have worked for her.

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

So for starters, Chris Sullivan was AMAZING in this episode. Having seen him sing on a Broadway stage, it was nice to hear his singing voice again (thanks to all in this thread who confirmed it was him!). Knowing Chrissy Metz also co-wrote this episode is probably why i enjoyed it so much (highly recommend her memoir "This Is Me").

I also love we are getting some final chances to see the middle big three shine. They have truly grown over the years as actors and I cannot wait to see them all in their future projects.

WE GOT TO SEE GREGORY AGAIN! Seriously miss seeing Timothy Omudson, and even though he was far away in the shot, he looks great! I love hearing about all the therapy and stuff he has had to go through post stroke and how its helped him, and I am so happy to see it in person albeit on TV.

I also LOVE that they are hitting home that speech Rebecca gave about them living their lives because SO MANY PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR IT.

I also will say, I really wish we had the secondary big three get a trilogy (the secondary big three being Beth, Toby and Miguel) beause while we have had episodes dedicated to them, i feel if they were somehow connected to this final big three trilogy we'd be getting a lot more insight.


ALL THAT BEING SAID lets get into it: 1) I stand by my prior statement that Toby and Kate should've moved halfway between the two cities. 2) Both of them had excellent points regarding Jack and his surroundings. Kate is right you can't just up and move him just as he is getting used to his own home (also love how they planted him singing early on) and Toby is right that his care alone is going to be expensive and often times daunting. I have friends who teach special eduction and friends of children with various disabilities. All agree that the evaluations are among the worst times of the year because often times they have to deal with so many factors on both sides it's not funny. I commend anyone who advocates for children with disabilities and their education. It is no easy feat. 3) They seriously need couples therapy 4) TOBY HOW HARD IS IT TO GIVE KATE AN UPDATE REGARDING A JOB OFFER IN LA?!?!?! Even if you said "hey its not nearly as good as pay and the insurance is total garbage especially in terms of Jack, I think I should stay here IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BAGILLION TIMES BETTER 5) Kate YOU ARE NOT OFF THE HOOK EITHER. I am glad she went for Sheila's job-she should be considered. But girl do not be pulling what Toby is doing to you with him 6) Do people not realize people change? I feel like that was a huge thing in Kevin's episode last week and will obviously be one in Randall's next week (I have a feeling we are gonna see an amazing Deja scene next week). Toby planned that whole day and while i would've been elated to go to a museum, planning around a cocktail party AND for someone who has to schedule every minute of every day between her job and the kids is a no. Kate also refuses to accept she has and can change (as shown by when she refused to climb up the fence-girl you know they aren't going to let you fall though tbh one of the boys should've gone last in order to help their sister).


Ok I got it all out. Bring on the conclusion of the trilogy with Randall .

 

[bethbuchall]

I don’t think that Kate did the exact same thing as Toby by inquiring about that job without his input. He made the complete decision without any input from her. She is just starting a ball rolling. He had just given her an ultimatum of move to San Francisco as the only was this will work. She proved to herself that she can rely on herself in tough times and made the call. This doesn’t mean that she isn’t going to discuss the possibilities with him. She hasn’t actually accepted the job yet. Even if she had, though, it was in direct response to the ultimatum that Toby had laid down. She made the choice that she was given.

It seems that on comments I’ve read on Facebook that people think they need to be either Team Kate or Team Toby. I think that it is a sad situation where they have both grown and are both finding happiness but is no longer with each other. I also get the feeling that people think Kate hasn’t grown because she hasn’t lost weight missing all the growth in confidence that they have shown in the character. Yes, she looks the same and is living in the same place, but she’s anything but stagnant. I don’t see her as miserable and unhappy either.

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

I don’t think that Kate did the exact same thing as Toby by inquiring about that job without his input. He made the complete decision without any input from her. She is just starting a ball rolling. He had just given her an ultimatum of move to San Francisco as the only was this will work. She proved to herself that she can rely on herself in tough times and made the call. This doesn’t mean that she isn’t going to discuss the possibilities with him. She hasn’t actually accepted the job yet. Even if she had, though, it was in direct response to the ultimatum that Toby had laid down. She made the choice that she was given.

It seems that on comments I’ve read on Facebook that people think they need to be either Team Kate or Team Toby. I think that it is a sad situation where they have both grown and are both finding happiness but is no longer with each other. I also get the feeling that people think Kate hasn’t grown because she hasn’t lost weight missing all the growth in confidence that they have shown in the character. Yes, she looks the same and is living in the same place, but she’s anything but stagnant. I don’t see her as miserable and unhappy either.

I’m so happy someone bought up Team Kate and Team Toby-this isn’t twilight for Pete’s sake! While they aren’t real people, This Is Us has always been one of the most realistic shows and this could very well be happening to people we do or don’t know. God I hate the team stuff! (The only time I will use team is when discussing the character as a whole like “I’ve always been team Beth because she speaks the truth and often admits her faults” not “I’m team Beth because Randall is an idiot because of xyz”).

It’s funny you mention her no seeming miserable or unhappy. Because I can see that. I think she’s content right now, and applying for that job will help get her out of that.

 

[brockash]

I will never understand Kate. That said, tonight's episode was good. I think it presented both of their cases well. I'm still team Toby though.

They will get a divorce and Kate will get the house his tech job paid for in the divorce settlement. Then she'll act like she made the ultimate sacrifice divorcing him to find herself in the teaching job. In real life, she would never be able to afford that cute little house in the middle of LA on her salary alone. He got her to a point where she could explore a real life and her passions. If they have never married that would not have happened.

I don't know, I just think they are building toward making Toby the bad guy and the British dude the white knight and that makes me sad. Toby pulled her out of her own head and helped her build this life she loves so much. His job that she hates is what has been paying for it and making it all possible and she refuses to admit that.

Hmmm...I guess I see it a little different as it appears to me both Kate and Toby helped the other grow and I don't think either would be where they are without the other.

 

[redboat45]

I think Kate is looking into the possibility that she CAN provide for the kids alone. Many private schools give free tuition to kids of full time teachers. SO by taking a full time position Jack may be able to have his special needs school for free.

 

[AustinTink]

Kate likely wouldn't be able to afford to stay in her house and get the sort of help Jack will need without the high income Toby is apparently now making. If (when) they split Toby will likely be paying most of the bills.

That's the part that gets me. Everyone says Kate is being strong and independent, putting herself first, etc. But none of that would be possible without her soon-to-be ex footing the bill. It's easy to follow your passions when someone else is there to pay for it all.

 

[mom2rtk]

Me too.

However, I think Toby has enjoyed the distancing from Kate's family. From the beginning he has struggled with that dynamic, it has been shown in both small and more expansive ways almost every single episode that involves the extended family.

I can only imagine how freeing it must be for him to be in San Francisco and not have the same complete dynamic that he struggles with so frequently. I am not agreeing with his thoughts on family, simply noting them.

I honestly saw that *You will do what I say* moment as much a way of having a life sans daily parts of the Pearson's, as a coming to a solution as a couple and a family.

---------

And in tandem there is an underlying part of Kate that is being missed. A quiet part, that is huge.

As I have said many times, my mother had dementia for years. During her last years I had a relationship where I was asked to move away with him. It was not a marriage, so I might be being completely unfair and unjust here - but I do believe that I would have chosen my mother over any form of relationship move during those years, including marriage Not a relationship, but a relationship move. Someone would have had to literally kidnap me from her side. I know that is not productive for another's life - but it is the truth.

I am not a Kate fan but do not underestimate the hurt - and clarity - she must have felt to have Toby make these decisions and ultimatums without taking her moments with Rebecca at least into the broader conversation of the moment.

Very valid point. But unless I'm misremembering, she didn't even mention her mother in their discussion. It was all "you found your happiness there" and "I found my happiness here" and that was that.

And while I'm not saying Kate has to give up on her personal happiness and career, who's going to watch the kids while she's at work? Not sure what position she's going after, but once again, she's going to need Toby's high income to even afford day care. Clearly it needs to be in their home since Jack apparently can't learn new surroundings.

 

[prairie_girl]

I am not looking forward to next weeks episode. Randall is a lot to take.

 

[Gracedis1]

I loved this episode. I think they did a great job showing how both Toby and Kate have made mistakes in the relationship, and how they have both grown in different ways. It's sad to see that they did not lean on each other through all the challenges. I would be furious if my husband did not tell me about a job offer in the city where I and our children lived! And if I found out about it from his boss!

The symbolism of the hill was powerful to me. Toby doubted that Kate could climb it, and she showed herself that she could. That to me symbolized she could live life without him. He's happier in San Francisco, she's happier in LA. It happens.