wedding proposal question

[MrsDuck]

Just have him propose earlier in the day and do the fireworks cruise as a celebration, not the proposal venue.

I think this is a good option.

 

[mousefan73]

Only read the first page. My main question are the 3 of you sharing a hotel room? If so that puts the rest of the evening on a dull note.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think that if the son wants to propose on the cruise, he should pay for it. I still think mom shouldn’t be there, especially given new information. I think some privacy will be aappreciated.

 

[mjkacmom]

Only read the first page. My main question are the 3 of you sharing a hotel room? If so that puts the rest of the evening on a dull note.

Lol that was my thought, I think there are certain expectations the night of your proposal.

 

[LSUmiss]

It never ceases to amaze me how left the DIS can take things.



WOW how do you make that leap. OP booked fw cruise, son says cool I'll propose then. She doesn't want to be there & is gonna talk to him. How is she so emeshed that GF needs to run? OP did not set up proposal, exactly opposite.

You don't know the relationship she has with GF. So to make that leap is kinda ridiculous.

Because you may have MIL problems does not mean the OP asking for advice on how to make her son realize this makes her uncomfortable is emeshing herself in their marriage. The fact she can actually talk to him about this says to me the have an open line of communication. Heck she can't talk to GF to express her feelings without ruining this surprise.

Sorry but to me, the SON (a grown man) wanting his MOTHER to be present for such an intimate event is what screams enmeshment especially when no one else will be present. Sorry, but that is bizarre. And I don’t have MIL problems even is she wanted to overstep her boundaries b/c my DH doesn’t allow it if it’s inappropriate. I don’t even have to get involved.

 

[stephk1981]

I agree with previous posters, try to help your son come up with an alternative way to propose than on the fireworks cruise. If the trip and cruise are on your dime, if it were me I would feel I deserved to enjoy them. If he wants a proposal trip, maybe he should book one himself.

Have you thought of maybe suggesting just a mother/ son trip? For old times sake. When he is ready to propose he can figure out his own idea not on a mother/ son/ girlfriend trip.

I love my mother in law, I am actually as close to her as I am my own mother. I still would not have wanted her on a trip that I just got engaged on.

 

[luvsJack]

Nobody's going to even ask what was meant by "I don't believe in love or marriages"? That's what piques my interest.

I'm curious how supportive OP is about the overall idea of this relationship in the first place? If the concept of love and marriage are important to your son and his prospective bride will you be respectful of their choices?

Now see, I was waiting for someone else to mention if first. LOL I thought I was misunderstanding what she said!

That is a good question though, if one doesn't believe in love and marriage; how can you be supportive of your only child choosing something that you believe is doomed to fail? Or maybe its just a different idea of what marriage is??

 

[luvsJack]

I guess I need to give a little more info:
I don't know how to explain the I don't believe in love or marriage without getting attacked. I didn't date until I was 17 and then with only one guy who I did marry but he left me for someone else. Never loved this guy but since I didn't have any other choices....Anyway been by myself for over 25 years. So that is why I have a big distaste for love or marriage. It does not roll over onto my son.

My mother just passed away in April after a long time with dementia. I live with my parents and had helped my dad take care of her. I wanted to do the fireworks cruise so that I could remember my mother. When my son was young we would go to Maine every 4th of July with my parents and see fireworks over the beach. So the fireworks cruise had a personal meaning to me with regard to healing.

As I said, I live in my parents home. Currently it is my dad, me, son and his girlfriend who just moved in March because her parents were being evicted. I pay the bills at this house. they are living rent free. I do not make a lot of money. In fact I would be classified as lower lower middle class. Son and girlfriend are trying to save money to buy a house. If my son chose to pay for the fireworks cruise then i wouldn't go but I would not give them a fireworks cruise as an engagement present.

I DO NOT want to be in their lives. My wish is that they would move out now.

I do not know what we will do. Right now I want to cancel the entire trip (and probably will). I didn't really even want to go back to disney anymore but I have some tickets left over and wanted to use them up. Disney used to have such good memories for me since my son and I would go there every year but all the changes that Disney has made has made it such a pain in the neck and stressful.

OP, sounds like you have a lot on you with paying the bills for everyone, losing your mom and now your son is getting married so maybe a little of "losing him" too?

I think you should still go on the trip and enjoy. Do the fireworks cruise. Let your SON decide what to do about the proposal. You do you and let them do them. If he chooses to propose on the FW cruise, its his choice. His gf can either choose to live with it or not.

You are not responsible for their choices or their happiness. They are. But you deserve the enjoyment of this trip or whatever trip, too. THEY are tagging along with YOU not the other way around.

I mean it would be great if you could just "gift them this trip" or the cruise, but yeah, I am right there with you on that. Not happening. and you shouldn't be made to feel like you should!

 

[DisneyHardin]

Maybe I am just a selfish person, but there is no way I would just not go on an expensive fireworks cruise that I fully paid for to give my son privacy for a proposal.

I would tell the son that he is welcome to propose on the cruise if he wants to, but that I will be there. The OP stated that when the son give her the cue that he is going to do the proposal that she would step back and engage the captain in a conversation to give them as much privacy as possible for the proposal and I think that is very reasonable.

 

[Kae]

So are you paying for everything? You give a lot to your family, do something for you.

 

[buzz2400]

Deleted

 

[mjkacmom]

I didn't marry son's father because I was pregnant. I dated the guy for five years before marrying him and then got pregnant.

I am paying for the entire trip. We are renting a condo so different rooms. My son knows exactly how I feel about marriage and love and it does not impact him at all.

You married someone you didn’t love? I dated several guys, but DH is the only one I ever loved. From your post, it seemed like you felt you had to marry him.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I understand how one can be upset and jaded by a bad experience...
I can understand a young woman not realizing what things SHOULD be like, and not seeing that something better might be out there... and making that kind of decision. (I've seen it many times!)

But, just honestly, I have to wonder WHY still such the negative and ABSOLUTE opinion about marriage and love???

WHY did you end up even mentioning that in this thread?

I have been trying to stay more positive and helpful here on your thread!!!
But, just, basically... Something to throw out here, for you to consider.
I would suggest that this is not a good thing, and that this is having more of an effect on your son than can begin to realize.
Perhaps WAY more of an effect than you might see.

 

[monorailsilver]

I want to make a few things clear. First I do not want to be present when my son proposed. I have told him so. He insisted. After I told him about booking the cruise, he said he was going to propose then. It was his idea to propose on the cruise. Marriage proposal v. wedding proposal to me is the same thing. I do not even believe in love or marriages. I really didn't think people would pick apart my words.

I am single and I always vacation with my son (with plenty of trips to disney) and now that he has a girlfriend, she has been coming with us on trips. Her parents don't vacation.

I will be talking to my son and telling him everything that was posted. I am hoping that he decides to do the proposal elsewhere. Thank you everyone for giving me your insight.

Whatever he decides to do it will be his decision and that is all that matters in the end!

Oh and I was just thinking of places to propose if not on the boat that when (and if) they have kids or even just future Disney trips they can take pictures in the same spot every trip-the Mickey metal statue near the CR pool. The 4th floor "balcony" at the CR overlooking the MK-we went out there after dinner at CM around 7-8pm and it was DEAD, OK there were a few stragglers but pretty empty. Go to one of the All Stars, Pop, AoA buildings if she or he likes a certain character/item and propose in front of that. I am partial to the Poly since that is where I got engaged and I still think it is tranquil outside (well not at fireworks time). The wishing well in the MK. Maybe if they go on a ride with a photo op, you can be behind them and hold up a sign (cover your face) that says "XXX will you marry me?" and when you go and look at the pictures she will see it and you can scoot away to give them some privacy alone, well alone with all the other ride goers looking at their pictures (I am thinking Splash Mountain).

 

[dvcdream4fld]

I think proposing in the middle of Bay Lake is a good thing. If she says no, she has nowhere to run, or if she does try to make a swim for it, she will likely be eaten by gators :>....

Being that we are obviously Disney fans, I think we have a tendency to want that happily ever after moment, especially when it comes to something like a proposal. My advice for all, son, mother, and commentators alike, is just do what you think is right in this situation. I say if Mom is asking for advice, then mom is probably not confident that being on the boat is appropriate. I say if the son is saying I want some privacy, then he should be man enough to tell his mom and pay for the boat trip himself.

There will be plenty of time for happiness and disappointment after the marriage.

Based on the recent post by the OP, I think the story is more complicated than originally posted. The son and future daughter-in-law are living with you. The fireworks cruise has some special sentimental history to you and possibly your son. You have had recent family and financial issues. I don't want to make any recommendations with regard to the fireworks cruise. Because you have continued to post about your lack of confidence with this situation, I think you are questioning more than whether or not you should be on fireworks cruise and should think about what else may be causing your concerns.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

All I can say is the more I read about other people's proposals the lazier my husband's proposal sounds (and it was lazy) so many years later. But thank god his parents weren't there. That's all I got.

 

[mjkacmom]

All I can say is the more I read about other people's proposals the lazier my husband's proposal sounds (and it was lazy) so many years later. But thank god his parents weren't there. That's all I got.

Lol mine didn’t even involve words, just the ring. Almost 25 years later he has still yet to propose!

 

[RedAngie]

Sounds like there is no way Sonny Boy is ready for marriage. Mom with her limited income will be helping to support him and new wifey for years.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The OP does not mention having taken this fireworks cruise at WDW.
She mentioned seeing fireworks over the beach, in Maine, at the 4th of July.
She also mentions 'healing' and grieving her mothers death.
I don't think I am seeing any real correlation here????
Not with the memories from Maine... And not with a proposal.

The OP does mention how she has negative opinions of love, marriage, etc...
I think that is a huge factor.

While I have my own negative experience with a man who was 'too close' to his parents.
I am purposefully putting that aside, as, whether anyone believes it or not, I can usually be very objective.
I am holding off on any judgment of the son, based on these two things...
1. His objective is to move out into his own place with his fiance.
2. He did have second thoughts, has changed his mind, and does not want 'MOMMY" there for his otherwise private proposal.

The OP has not specifically mentioned that her son is hoping/expecting that mommy will pay for his private fireworks cruise. I will say that, IF this is the case... I am squarely in the RUNNNNNNN!!!!! camp.

The bottom line is this....
HE SHOULD PLAN HIS OWN PROPOSAL, AND DO IT WITHOUT THE OP THERE.

This many pages later, I am wondering, then, what is the problem?????
Tons of different options for a proposal.
Fireworks are a different and separate, and less important issue.

I am seeing that the real issue here is that, instead of working this out... saying "okay, good, son!!! I hope it all works out wonderfully!"
That there is really any issue at all??????

 

[FlightlessDuck]

It never ceases to amaze me how left the DIS can take things.

That's adorable.