We're leaving the kids at home, but the GUILT...

[bigbabyblues]

Not the self-imposed guilt, I'm working through that. It's the guilt we're going to get from friends/family who don't understand why we'd leave them at home that I don't know how to deal with. Here's the deal:

DH is going to start school in the fall for a paramedic. It's a 1-year program, but he's going to have to quit his "real" job and work part time as an EMT and part time as a dispatcher, and I'm going to have to pick up more hours at work. Basically we aren't going to see much of each other for a year. Our marriage is fine, but it's going to be a rough year. We have 2 boys, ages 20 months and 4 years right now. I think it would do us good to get away for a few days before all this starts, and we're booked for the end of August. It started out as a couple days at a cabin or something around here, but DH wanted to go to Disney, like we did on our honeymoon. The $$ for the trip is not coming out of our family budget, it's coming from my paycheck, basically it's my extra money to do with what I choose (paid for my braces this way, and a few other big things). We took our kids last fall for 10 days and had a blast, and we'll be going again when he's done with school as a family before the oldest starts Kindergarten. I think we have a right to this trip, my mom is going to keep the boys here at our house, and the IL's may have them a couple nights too, not sure yet. I'm tempted not to tell anyone where we're going, because it's not the trip that will be the problem, it will be the destination. We will have our cell phones, so they can reach us if they need to.

Has anyone done this, and what did you tell people? I know certain people are going to give me a rough time over it, one friend already did and she doesn't know where we're going.

Thanks

 

[DJBounce]

We did the exact same thing last January and it was wonderful. We just told people that we were going on our second honeymoon. My hubby was in the middle of school and I was working a lot. We didn't really see much of each other. We needed the time away, just the two of us. We did miss the kids while we were gone, but we really connected. We didn't get much grief from friends or family, but when we did, I just said that we need this time alone. Your friends and family will get over it. Go and have fun. Reconnect with your spouse. You won't regret it. Eat at places where you normally wouldn't with the kids, take a long stroll around the World Showcase after Illuminations (very romantic!), go to Pleasure Island, but most of all, relax and take in the magic of Disney.

 

[rkmassa]

We took a 10year/belated honeymoon trip in Dec. with no kids. It was the best thing the two of us have done in a long time. We really enjoyed time with just the two of us. My DH coaches basketball and teaches, so we don't see each other much during the season. We really needed to get away this last year, so we chose the place we had originally planned to honeymoon at but couldn't due to a change in jobs right after we were married. We had the same problem with people giving their opinions, despite never asking for them. We both agree we made the right decision.

The most important thing is that the trip is important to the two of you. A healthy marriage usually makes for a healthy and happy family, kids included. When mom and dad are stressed, that tends to spill over to other areas. Go and enjoy yourselves. Tell people if they ask. Don't feel guilty about doing something good for yourself, your husband, and your marriage.

 

[LucyStorm]

We did the same thing about a year and a half ago. We also called it a second honeymoon. Not one friend or family member questioned us about it after we told them that was what we were doing. We had a blast doing the Food and Wine Festival, just the two of us.....

 

[VWLMember]

My wife and I just booked a trip for the two of us to go May 19-22. We are going for both the Flower and Garden Festival (for her) and Star Wars Weekends (for me) . We have two boys, 6 and 15. We asked them if it was Ok with them for us to go alone and they both agreed . My wife feels a little guilty for not taking them, but I reassure her they are OK with it and we could use the time alone. Sometimes you have to take the time out to ensure sanity!

 

[minkydog]

Me,me,me We just got back from a couples trip and we had a great time. There is a time and place for everything. And there is no reason to feel you must take the kids on every vacation. It sounds like you are in for a hard year; take some time before the year kicks off to connect with each other. Then plan a family trip when it's over. You guys need this time together.

Cathy--Mom to John,18(bipolar/ADD), Eleni,11,& Christian(autism/MR)
Needs quality time alone with DH

 

[mulgar]

We are going alone for the second time in June to celebrate our second anniversary.
We honeymooned at wdw and had a blast.
Our reasoning for not taking the kids is economics, We each have three children from previous marriages and there is no way to afford to take 8 people on our salaries.
As far as guilt goes we just tell ourselves we deserve this and it will be something we will always remember.

 

[DarthGoofy]

We are doing the same thing in December. It wil be just the DW and I.

IMO, spouses do not spend enough "alone" together as it is. I think it is great that you two are going alone, and I hope you have a wonderful trip.

 

[SeaSpray]

It really annoys me when I hear other people's "friends" or acquaintances giving them a hard time if they take a trip somewhere without their kids. Especially Disney World. My husband and I are going to Disney World in July to celebrate our anniversary. I usually just tell people we're going to "Florida". LOL

You have every right in the world to take a vacation with your DH, without your kids. You said they'll be with their grandparents while you're gone and that will be a wonderful time for your kids as well as your parents. Also, it keeps a marriage healthy when you spend time alone with your spouse and that benefits your children too.

Don't give anyone the chance to give you a hardtime. Tell them frankly it isn't any of their business, but say it with a smile

Go and have a WONDERFUL time!!!!!

 

[bigbabyblues]

Thanks for all the replies and support! I do feel we have a right to do this, but I don't like criticism and I try to avoid things like that.

We are definitely going to go, but DH told me this morning he'd rather go at the end of November to see the Christmas decorations, Osborne Lights, etc. We could take the kids, and we will if the grandparents don't want to keep them during that time, but I don't see why they wouldn't, since they're willing for August. That late in the year will be our Christmas gift to each other more than likely.

Thanks again!

 

[Rachie0507]

My DH and I just got back from one of these trips. We actually went for a cruise on the Wonder and then one day at MK. It was wonderful!!! I felt really guilty at first but not so much by the time we left. My kids are 4 and 2 so they were just as excited about 5 days with Grandma. I never felt guilty about not having them with me, I just missed missed them like crazy at certain times. Most people were really supportive and wished they could leave their kids for a vacation too. My best friend even said we were inspiring.!! Make sure you do big people stuff that you wouldn't do with the kids, it makes it even more special.

 

[PhoohWhoWho]

We are planning on doing the same thing! I have 3 girls 4,2,1. We are leaving them with my mother to go on our long needed honeymoon. I feel but i need it! Hey when the best time to book the trip any way i see you been there around this time many times! Soon the better or to wait for deals is better?

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

So, I've been "lurking" for a few weeks, and finally registered just to send you a reply! Good for you! You both deserve time to yourselves! I'm planning a similar trip for DH and I next year (May 14-20, here we come!) and we will be leaving two little ones behind (they'll be 23 mos and 3 1/2 at that point). Neither DH or I have been to the world since we were kids (for me, 1976), so we wanted time to rediscover the magic by ourselves. We are also planning a trip with the kids (and Sis and her family and kids and Grammy) for Oct. '07. Did I mention we are planning WELL in advance? I hope you have a FABULOUS time by yourselves!

 

[Julia M]

DH and I try and get away once a year for ourselves. It doesn't really matter where you are going.........it's good to get away. We'd do WDW ourselves, but since we're so far away, it doesn't work.

Go and have a great time.

Julia

 

[lewdyan1]

If you feel better I will share the guilt with you...I asked my husband if he wanted to sneak away for his birthday weekend and he chose WDW... DS9 and DD8 didn't get it at first, but the car is pulling out on March 11...
Thanks for the great ideas of what to do, I like the World Showcase after the fireworks, sounds perfect!

 

[slk537]

I love Seaspray's suggestion about just saying "Florida" for the destination!

DH and I are hoping to get past the personal guilt too, and go to WDW for our #10 in 2007. DS will be 6 then and the veteran of many trips so here's hoping!

I understand your feelings and would like to also support your decision. It shouldn't matter what people say and think, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sting, does it?

I would also like to endorse the week after Thanksgiving...wow! Just WOW! The Christmas lights and decorations and festivities are magnificent and we have fallen in love with the parks at that time. If you can go then, I highly recommend it. Temperatures and crowds are fantastic too.

Good luck!

 

[G&J's Mom]

I felt guilty about leaving the kids when we went to WDW in October. We went to the F&W Festival and had a wonderful weekend. I am over it and I we are going back again this October without them.

Have a wonderful time!

Denise

 

[LSK]

We are going on a "second honeymoon" at the end of April. Our daughter, who will be hard to live without for a week, is staying with family. She's 1.5 and would be a blast to take, but I promised my husband a Disney honeymoon when we got married and this is it! People's eyebrows raise when we tell them she's staying at home but when we say it's a second honeymoon they understand. I don't know what is so magical about that phrase, but no further explination is needed.

We are really looking forward to our first "adult" trip to Disney. The last time both of us went, we were kids so this will certainly be a different perspective. Congratulations on your upcoming trip and good luck in the following year!

 

[lindaso]

Last year my DH and I went on our first "alone" trip since having kids. It was amazing!! We went to Vegas and just had a blast being alone together. We've decided we're going to try to do an alone trip once a year to reconnect. We take the kids on vacation and on day trips a lot so we didn't feel guilty. I admit I did miss my youngest one night at a restaurant and had a little cry but it was over quickly!!

Have a great time!!

 

[Princess Wannabe]

Count me in with everyone who says, "GO FOR IT!!!"

My DH and I have 7 kids between us...in order to keep our marriage (and our sanity) intact, we ALWAYS take at least one vacation a year WITHOUT the kids. It allows us some time alone with each other (which we don't get a lot of at home!!), and when we come back, our marriage is always stronger.

The kids have learned to accept this and don't mind at all. We usually do a car trip vacation with them in the summer, so they know they'll have a vacation, as well.

In January 2003, my DH took me to WDW for my very first time (me, being a 40-year old woman!). We left the kids with grandma (bless her heart), and I told everyone we were doing a 'scouting' trip for a future trip with the kids.

That's exactly what it turned out to be. I got there to WDW and was so taken by the magic, that I kept looking at DH and saying, "When we bring the kids here...." I knew right then and there we were coming back with the kids. BUT...having time to ourselves allowed us to go to the nicer restaurants, do more adult things, take some of the backstage tours, and stay at the romantic GF. We DID take the kids 6 months after that, and my 'pre-trip' allowed me the knowledge and experience to really, really plan an outstanding trip for the kids. I knew the ins and outs of the parks; how the Fastpass system worked; the better rides for little ones; the rides the teens would enjoy; etc. My kids were AMAZED at how "smart" I was...tee hee!

Have fun! Take notes! And use this trip to plan your own future trip one day with the kids!!!