I will try to re-focus on the OP's situation, and respond to the ongoing conversation after this....
OP, I am trying to be objective and helpful here.
And, I really see absolutely nothing valid about the whole 'who is selfish' thing.
That is not what this is all about!!!!! Not at all !!!!
OP, just to point out the obvious. (NOT ALWAYS WELCOMED OR POPULAR, I KNOW!!!)
You and your family have been to WDW several times.
You have mentioned that your DH did not like Disney, as well.
You must realize that you can't keep claiming that "He just sprung this on us."
You can not really overcome a situation, unless you come to terms with it and understand it, FIRST.
In your last update, once again, you also mentioned how personally meaningful it was to share Disney with your Father... And then you suddenly lost him.
For anyone, that is a LOT of emotional and psychological influence!!!!
This seems to be illustrated by the fact that you have started a pre-trip report months, and now possibly a year, before the scheduled trip.
I do understand that. I am trying to be understanding and helpful. Not necessarily judging at all.
The thing is, you can't keep forcing and 'transferring' all of this onto your DH.
He can not be expected to step in and fill those shoes and those expectations, if he is not really, personally, 'onboard'.
I am quite sure he has his reasons that he is not only NOT a big Disney Freak... But, that Disney just doesn't seem to work for him.
It sounds like he has tried to give it a go and to 'be there', several times over the years.
But, everyone has their own feelings and limitations.
I will venture an assumption that, if you continue to refuse to recognize this, and to force and transfer all of this onto your DH, it could very well make things worse.
I know that I might have problems and issues if being expected to fill my DH's mother's shoes.
And, a DH, by the same token, should not be expected to step in and fill a womans father's shoes.