What would you do in this situation? edited

[Skywalker]

OP here you speak to my heart because I beleive in doing the right thing. That is why I am struggling so much. I know this young man has been through a lot lately and it hurts me to think that i might be hurting him. However, he hasn't been a kind kid for a while. My son is very insecure and he picks on his insecurities. I get that it can be typical behavior but a week of that might be too much for me at this point. Any other parent group I would feel completly comfortable talking to but these parents arent the easiest. There is a bit of a history with them which would include their son coming to my house and telling me that his mom said I am a horrible person and named off a few reasons why, the dad cut my son from his team even though my son was a decent player etc. very competetive. So talking to them wouldn't be easy. I shoudl say that Iive a very drama free life. I am comfortable with confrontation but just don't see the need for it as they clearly aren't good friends. I just hurt for the kid. He will be crushed.

To the bolded part, I don't know why you would necessarily believe that with all you have said about this boy. You've caught him lying to you before so I would cut the mom some slack on what she supposedly said.

Either way, being honest, I would not invite the other boys this year. Justified or not, exclusion hurts at that age, and can hurt especially cruelly if it seems like adults are joining in. Maybe by next year he will have either cleaned up his act, or the boys will have distanced themselves from him a bit more. I'm sure your kids can have fun with just the family?

 

[okeydokey]

Your family should have the trip you want. If your sons wish to bring friends, then let them bring friends. The other family may not find out at all. Or they may find out and not say anything. Or find out and mention it. You don’t owe them any explanation, and if they ask you can tell them this was worked for your family this year.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Tough situation all around! But, even if none of the other issues had happened and this boy was an angel, I personally would NOT want to bring a kid on vacation who's parents I had a falling out with.

I also wouldnt bring a child who had been unkind to my kid more than a few times.

Lastly, did this boys Dad go out of his way to talk to you and let you know why he was cutting your child from the team? If he didnt, I don't think you need to go our of your way to let him know why your're not inviting his child on your vacation. If the boys parents reach out and ask you why, by all means tell them.

Again, a tough situation all of the way around and I don't envy the position your in.

Good luck OP!

 

[TLSnell1981]

I promise you we keep on showing love and support. It has been hard to watch him struggle, his struggling has led him to put our son down and make fun of his grades (something my son is very sensitive about) and my first reponsibility is to my son. But we include him in most things but the trip would more than likely push us past our limits.

This is a tough situation since the kids have been friends for a long time. Relationships change and this one doesn't sound like a healthy one for your son. It may be a better to limit time with this child altogether. It's sad he is going through so much but I wouldn't let his issues harm others. JMO

 

[sdoll]

Tough situation all around! But, even if none of the other issues had happened and this boy was an angel, I personally would NOT want to bring a kid on vacation who's parents I had a falling out with.

I also wouldnt bring a child who had been unkind to my kid more than a few times.

Lastly, did this boys Dad go out of his way to talk to you and let you know why he was cutting your child from the team? If he didnt, I don't think you need to go our of your way to let him know why your're not inviting his child on your vacation. If the boys parents reach out and ask you why, by all means tell them.

Again, a tough situation all of the way around and I don't envy the position your in.

Good luck OP!

No he didn't tell us at all, the night before he was cut we were making arrangements for rides and the next season. He was such a coward he had the assistant coach call us. zero explanations and like i said our son was playing well. Good point on explaination as we haven't gotten one to this day. We don't really need one and my son ended up in a better situation for the next season but oh that was bad...

 

[fly girl]

You don’t owe anything to anyone. Invite the two boys that would enhance the vacation, not the one who has the definite potential to bring it down. I personally wouldn’t address it unless asked. Your trip is your business, no one else's.

However, I would tell your sons and the two invited boys to not discuss it in front of him as it would be rubbing salt in a wound. Nobody deserves that.

If the kid asks, I would be honest. Tell him you love him, but his cruel actions and lying is something that cannot be tolerated.

No doubt it is always hard when it’s a kid, even if he is not your favorite. You parental heart hates it, but it is a life lesson for the kid.

Good Luck!

 

[disykat]

Not only do I think you don't owe an explanation, I think you would be CAUSING a big problem by approaching them with this. Some things are better just left alone rather than starting a whole big thing. Fly girl said it really well. Address it only if he asks and then keep it minimal. YOU are not the one causing this change, his behavior made it clear he didn't want to be part of it. (Seriously, he was so miserable he had to pretend his dog had died? You are doing him a favor leaving him home IMO. He made it very clear he didn't want to be invited again.)

Whatever you do, please do not make your son spend his vacations with his neighborhood bully! (Who do you think made his dad, the coach, remove someone from the team who was playing well?) It doesn't matter what is causing his behavior, your son is your priority.