Would you still go?

[aclass]

Any chance you could go in the next couple of weeks before he deploys? If not, keep the ressies and go in Dec.

 

[pixiemagic30]

I know that this is a little different, but in May we had our Disney vacation planned and were packing the car to leave at noon. At 9-930am that morning, I got word that DH grandmother just died! What were we to do? It was a very difficult decision, but we decided -- no, my husband decided -- that we were going to go on with our plans. Yes, we could have changed our plans, but chose not to. Why? 1. DH and his mom knew that his grandma would have had a fit if we had changed our plans. 2. This would have been the DC 7th funeral in 6 years. . .

Some people may have a fit when they realize that we missed/skipped the services, but it was the best thing for our family. While on our trip, there were little moments that reinforced our decision: 1. Driving down, we saw a beautiful double rainbow. . . 2. My DH has many memories of camping and fishing with his grandparents and the day of the services, he was out on the water fishing while we were camping. . .

All of this is to say that I truly feel that you should go on with your plans. I love yur idea of saving the special activities for another trip. Disney can be such a wonderful time for you and your children to spend some quality time together.

Blessings,

 

[Boncho]

I really appreciate everyone's insights, and never realized when I signed up for the DisBoards that I'd have a support network like this (the training "team" he's on is put together from various people in the state, and so the family network for this group basically doesn't exist -- although I think they're planning on some activities).

I spoke at length with DH and the kids. DD7 wants to go, full steam ahead (go figure). DS12 knows that DD7 wants to go (and himself wants to go), but said that we should wait until he gets back. DH (who grew up and worked at Disney) has reconsidered and said we really should go (as long as we promise pictures). So I'm going to cut back on the events (cancel the CP package, HDDR and the Luau), make the whole thing more low-key, and plan to do them for the next trip. I'll probably plan on more CS meals as well (I'd planned to bring lunch everyday).

I think I'll wait on the decision to extend through Christmas until after he goes -- we'll see how things go (and what my in-laws wind up thinking about us going.....LOL).

Thanks again, everyone. I think it was mostly shock yesterday (ya know it's coming, but.....).

I'm glad it's all worked out. Have a good time, take lots of pictures,maybe even a couple of postcards to Dad while you're there would be nice.

 

[phantom728]

I agree with other posters that you should go . My DH is fulltime national guard, so life changes for us several weeks per year (sometimes more) and it still moves on even when we don't want it to. Once your DH finds out about returning home, you can start planning the "family" trip, which he will enjoy, especially after being away from you and the kids.

Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with your DH for his brave service to our country and also to your family for supporting him during this tour of duty

 

[KATHINOWA]

I'm happy to hear you're going. Your husband will be missed, but think of all the things you'll see and say "wait 'til Dad sees that next time we come."

 

[WI_DisneyFan]

I can see that you already made your decision, but I thought I would just throw in my two cents to reinforce your decision to carry on with the trip. My wife's brother is a medical tech in the Army Reserve. He was deployed to Afghanistan a couple years ago, and the one thing he made me promise him was that I kept his sister busy. He wanted to make sure she didn't just sit around and worry about him for a year. So I think this trip will go a long ways in helping you and your kids unwind and "de-stress" a little bit. And I love the idea of having a toned down trip. Save all of the really big stuff for when your husband gets back. I hope you have a great time!

 

[DisneyFairy19]

I will pray for your husband and the other men and women in the service and their families.. As to them I look up with so much respect..
I say to go and try to make the best of it with your kids

 

[byoung]

I also say still go.

 

[carrie s]

Have a great trip. I'll be praying for your husband.

 

[allaboutmm]

I asked my DH what he thought ( Gulf War veteran )....it's a catch 22, part of you doesn't want them to go b/c you want to be part of that family memory, but the other part of you wants them to go, after the reality of the deployment has really sets in, a trip might be a good way to feel some happiness. Whatever your family chooses, know that they are in our thoughts.

 

[mommyesq]

From the point of view of an ex-serviceman, I may be able to shed a little light on his reasons for wanting to postpone this trip. I was in the Army for the years leading up to and through the first Gulf War. I traveled all over the world in numerious deployments in one of the busiest divisions around. Although most of them were for training, it still ment a good deal of time away from my wife, and our newly born son. (2 weeks after his birth I was deployed for 3 weeks.)

When serving this great nation and it's way of life, the brave men and women of our military miss so much of what the normal family takes for granted in their everyday lives. Birthdays, first steps, Valentine's days; They all slip quietly by. A family vacation to Walt Disney World woud definately be a hard thing for a father to miss. Just as takeing the vacation might be a way of preserving some sense of normalicy in the rest of the family's lives through this difficult seperation.

Either way, it isn't going to be an easy decission, and I don't envy you for having to make it. But I do want to pass on my heartfelt appreciation for the hardships of your family's service to our country, and best wishes for your husband's speedy and safe return.

THis was my thought to - he is already going to miss alot while he is gone and maybe he does not want to miss the experience of what my be a once in a lifetime family trip...I would sit down as a family with the kids and discuss the best course of action for everyone - leave the guilt at the door if the kids still want to go and make sure if you do haul the video camera so you can make your husband a part of the experience

 

[6mouskateers]

with my 0.02...

I say go and don't change a thing. Why would you want to miss all the Christmas things like the CP etc? I understand that he will be missing you all, and you him, but really why the need to tone it down?

DH was ADAF for 20 years (we were married for 18 of it-he retired almost 2 years ago ) and had many deplyments long and short. He always said the best way for him to stay focused on his mission was knowing that we were fine and maintaining normalcy. Our 4 kids and I did so many things without him, because really we never knew when he would be back or when he would leave again. If you keep life normal with grace and fortitude (which it sounds like you are doing a great job!) your kids will learn to do the same. I can proudly say our kids have weathered deployments, serious illness and emergencies, and also the JOYS of life with and without dad home, and remarkably well.

A really fun thing to do would be to have the kids keep journals of the trip or make scrapbooks with tons of pictures or something like that to send DH so he can see the trip through their eyes. They can also help plan your post-deployment trip! Let them keep track of what dad would like to do,eat, see etc. It's a great way to keep dad in their thoughts and channels lots of energy into something very positive. Trip planning also makes the time go by (at least for us) I really understand what you are going through, especially with a 12 year old.

And don't worry about what the in-laws think!!!! You and DH need to do what YOU feel is best for your family, not the in-laws. I would be quite tempted to extend for Christmas!

Please feel free to PM if you want. Meanwhile, I wish you all the best. Thank you to entire family for your sacrifice for our great nation.

 

[lovesmurfs]

with my 0.02...

I say go and don't change a thing. ...

And don't worry about what the in-laws think!!!! You and DH need to do what YOU feel is best for your family, not the in-laws. I would be quite tempted to extend for Christmas!

Thanks so much! The CP (at LeCellier....) was really for DH (he's a music professor in real life), and the HDDR and Luau were really family activities -- there's no emotion with my kids when we talked about that (and it will give me more park flexibility with the kids). We are going to the MVMCP (with hope that Disney will actually respond to my email about the possibility of returning DH's ticket....). The kids will have a great time, and yet when DH returns and we go (hopefully) in December 2008, the kids won't be completely "been there, done that". Next trip, we'll plan to stay on property (versus our house rental), and take advantages of the onsite stay.

I also appreciate your insights. The vultures are hovering over this "extra" space on our trip, and I feel quite like the momma bear protecting her cubs. To her credit, DMIL is really great (we get along well in small doses) and will be helping out with kid sitting when I have to travel for my job (she lives 4 hours away).

My parents are trying to pressure the kids and me into going to NJ for Thanksgiving (with the WDW trip 2 weeks or so from then). Money's not the problem (PTL) but I don't want to disrupt the kids' lives any more than they will be, and so I declined and invited THEM to visit.

I'm being firm with all of the "well-wishers". When this is all over, I'll write an article on what NOT to say when you find out someone's being deployed.

 

[MariaEllerºoº]

Okay. We've just received word today that my husband's being deployed to Afghanistan, most likely the end of October. He's been in the National Guard 26 years and this is his first deployment. I'm okay with it -- we're promised strength and grace for the hour.

On to Disney...... Our trip is planned (and really PLANNED, down to the GF Perfectly Princess Tea, Candlelight Processional Package, HDDR, Luau, and MVMCP tickets) for December 14-23 (for us and DS12 and DD7), and we've all been psyched. He's saying I should cancel, as nearly everything's refundable (except tickets, which don't expire, and the deposit on the rental villa). The deployment's likely to be for 18 months (we haven't gotten the orders yet).

WWYD? I don't mind taking the kids on my own at all. I'm just looking for different points of view on it. I would not consider bringing someone else along as a substitute -- we'd cancel all of his stuff and it would just be the three of us. A thought had crossed my addled brain to even try to extend our stay over Christmas so that we won't be by ourselves.

My hubby was deployed to Iraq for a year. If your children, especially the 7 year old, is anything like my son or like the other children of my hubby's unit of that same age group she's going to have a really hard time with the deployment...from sleepless nights, falling grades, crying, moodiness, nightmares, etc...I would definitely take the kids to Disney while your hubby is gone. They're going to need something special for just them during the deployment. I would however switch your ressies from the rental villa to a resort on property. It would make things a lot easier on you transportation wise.

I'll keep your hubby and the family in my prayers.

 

[6mouskateers]

The vultures are hovering over this "extra" space on our trip, and I feel quite like the momma bear protecting her cubs.

My parents are trying to pressure the kids and me into going to NJ for Thanksgiving (with the WDW trip 2 weeks or so from then). Money's not the problem (PTL) but I don't want to disrupt the kids' lives any more than they will be, and so I declined and invited THEM to visit.

I'm being firm with all of the "well-wishers". When this is all over, I'll write an article on what NOT to say when you find out someone's being deployed.

AMEN! Isn't it amazing what comes out of some of them? I know my folks and in-laws love us, but holy cow! I can just imagine some of your conversations! I have probably had the same ones.

Sounds like you have "the big picture" . Good for you. Whatever you decide, have fun with the kids. You will all need it. I'll be thinking about you.

Where in NJ are your folks? My folks are there also (at least part of the year). We made that trek a couple of times just to shut everyone up. Mostly, I did what I wanted. I'm a baaaaaad girl. (that's why DH loves me )

Best wishes!

 

[lovesmurfs]

AMEN! Isn't it amazing what comes out of some of them? I know my folks and in-laws love us, but holy cow! I can just imagine some of your conversations! I have probably had the same ones.

Sounds like you have "the big picture" . Good for you. Whatever you decide, have fun with the kids. You will all need it. I'll be thinking about you.

Where in NJ are your folks? My folks are there also (at least part of the year). We made that trek a couple of times just to shut everyone up. Mostly, I did what I wanted. I'm a baaaaaad girl. (that's why DH loves me )

Best wishes!

Thanks for the moment. I grew up in Central Jersey (Somerville) -- now they're in Bridgewater. Back for vists -- it's enough. Short spurts are better. Thanks again for the support.

 

[luvmikids]

I apologize if it has already been suggested..... Have you checked into changing your plans before he leaves? I am sure disney and the airlines would understand especially if you have something in writing. My prayers are with you and your family and for his departure. My best friends husband also got deployed there 2 months ago for an 18 month tour. He is in the Army Reserves (15 years). Good luck

 

[lovesmurfs]

I apologize if it has already been suggested..... Have you checked into changing your plans before he leaves? I am sure disney and the airlines would understand especially if you have something in writing. My prayers are with you and your family and for his departure. My best friends husband also got deployed there 2 months ago for an 18 month tour. He is in the Army Reserves (15 years). Good luck

Thanks, but there's no way at all. We've got less than a month to get everything together.

If we went, we wouldn't be having fun, just thinking about what we should be doing back home. My husband's a music professor at a local college, and needs to help find replacements for his ensembles, etc. It's amazing all of the little things that need to be put into place (doctor's/dentist appointments, etc.) before he leaves.

 

[luvhockey]

My brother in law is in the military stationed in Iraq since last Jan. Whenever my family (DH me DS 7 & DS 4) go on outings/trips/get togethers with my sister, niece & nephew we take along flat Jeff (b-i-l).

We drew, colored and laminated (about 5x7) a picture. We take him along and take pictures of 'him' with us. Eating his favorite biscuits & gravy when camping, his 10th anniversary party etc. We send the pictures to him and he knows we're thinking of him while doing these activities.

You could make a flat dad and take pictures of him on rides, eating with the family, sleeping etc. My oldest son and niece made flat pictures of themselves and sent them to iraq. He took pictures of them eating at the mess hall, sitting on tanks etc.

It all stems from the book/website Flat Stanley. If you'd like more info or pictures of some things we've done PM me and I'll explain more. It has really helped the kids cope and not feel bad about doing things without dad/uncle.

Angela/luvhockey

 

[DBC]

Since he's saying you should cancel I would honor his wishes. Just my opinion of course.

Whatever you decide, thanks to him (and you) and I hope he stays safe and can go with you in the not too distant future.