WWYD - Boyfriend's separated wife is being creepy

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yes, WHY does the wife still have access to credit card statements when the husband supposedly lives elsewhere and should be having his mail sent to this new address?

Maybe it's how the account was set up? If it was only the husband on the account I would assume a simple adjustment in address is all that would be required and would be the first thing I woud think of in the event of a divorce (basically all mail going to a new place even if it's a PO Box). If they were both jointly on the card maybe it's more entailed; probably moreso if they both used it (like one being an authorized user, etc).

How I would feel about it would depend on the exact situation. If it's really only his CC only then it would be odd to maintain that address but also odd for the wife to open the mail and dig through the expenses.

 

[okeydokey]

Please don't come on a message board and proudly announce you are dating a married man.

Ha ha, you should get over yourself. The pearl clutching on this thread is hilarious. The OP doesn’t need to answer to you or anyone else here about her dating life. It’s not unusual for people who have been separated for two years to date,

 

[Skywalker]

So I was traveling yesterday afternoon and didn't realize this thread has gotten so many acton..lol.

There are a lot of judgement, assumption and imagination from one small paragraph I gave, but I guess that's how the internet is.. It's anonymous so people are not afraid to make statements.

I posted yesterday morning because I was pissed that my privacy was invaded. After some hours, I've calm down and now don't really care.. She can use it however she wants.

None of my IRL friends stopped being friends with me because I'm dating a separated married man and none of his IRL friends stopped being friends with him for leaving his wife. I think those actions override opinions from stranger on the internet.

But you solicited those opinions. Now you don't like them so it's a problem? And the part about "It's anonymous so people are not afraid to make statements"...well that right there is the value of it all. People in your real life might not give you their honest opinion about everything. Here, people hand you the truth of their opinions (as requested)...it's a good thing.

 

[Allison]

You must be new here, welcome. This is what happens. Stick around they will turn it into a working moms vs stay at home moms fight in a minute

So what was your previous username?

 

[Flowers12]

So what was your previous username?

Nice try.

 

[Allison]

Nice try.

Not trying anything. Just curious. Obviously, you aren't a new poster. A new poster wouldn't have made the comment you did.

 

[leebee]

I'm not going to pass judgement on the "dating a married man" situation. We all have our opinions on this. OP is going to do what she wants in that respect.

My sister dates married men. She's looking for a long term relationship and meets guys online who say they are also looking for a long term relationship. She hasn't dated anyone married who hasn't been up-front about being married. The stories why they are dating while still married vary. While none of them have left their wives for her, one thing she has learned is how widely the separation/divorce laws vary from state to state, and she's shared some of that with me in the past. Knowing this, I have an opinion about the pictures, the credit card, etc. For example:
>In some states, infidelity IS still grounds in a divorce suit, and the wife will make out better, financially, if she can show that the husband has a girlfriend. Maybe that's part of the PI-picture taking issue. Doesn't matter if it's innocent or not. Doesn't matter if OP is totally independent and not looking for a roommate or help on the rent or not. All that matters is what it looks like in court, what the wife's lawyer can make it appear to be.
>In some states, the husband can't take his name off accounts without it appearing to be abandonment and similar to stealing. I would guess that both husband and wife originally had their names on the credit card accounts, and the husband has been advised not to cut her off from the card. It's easy enough for the wife to get copies of the bill, online; her having access to it would have nothing to do with where the credit card bill is sent, if she is still on the account (which she may be, based on advice given by the husband's/boyfriend's lawyer).
>In some states, the length of the marriage plays into how things like mutual finances, retirement accounts etc. are divided. Might explain why she is dragging her feet on getting divorced.

I am not saying that any of this is what is or isn't happening, just that, depending on the state, the divorce laws differ and it could be to the wife's financial benefit, in the long run, to build a case agains the husband/boyfriend. Also... I don't blame her for dragging her heels, if she doesn't want to get/be divorced. She might be holding onto this marriage, this financial standard, for as long as possible if she doesn't want to be divorced.

 

[Flowers12]

Not trying anything. Just curious. Obviously, you aren't a new poster. A new poster wouldn't have made the comment you did.

I’m not. Been around a while.

 

[Kitty 34]

But you solicited those opinions. Now you don't like them so it's a problem? And the part about "It's anonymous so people are not afraid to make statements"...well that right there is the value of it all. People in your real life might not give you their honest opinion about everything. Here, people hand you the truth of their opinions (as requested)...it's a good thing.

Agreed.............and she should know all this as she is a long time poster.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OP I suppose it's a good thing you're shrugging it off but boy was that a quick turn around into NBD-land. Kinda got whiplash from the 180 degree turnaround here if I'm speaking honestly

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hey, maybe there are some so-called 'pearl clutchers'. (and, that IS name calling... Just sayin')
I am not one of them... I have no super religious or archaic precepts here.
The fact that some here might have that 'pearl clutching' viewpoint does not in any way take away from all of the advice here.

The thing is, there are many people who do have a basic viewpoint that it is not okay (not a good thing) to date a married man. They have a right to their viewpoint. There is nothing WRONG with that viewpoint. That is a valid viewpoint. And name-calling just reflects on those who name-call.

Sure, the OP tries to make it sound more palatable... He has his own place... He left her first... My friends are okay with it... But, seriously, those things mean nothing.... There are MANY married men (or women) who "are getting that divorce... someday... soon. when this or that happens..." And, the truth of the matter, that is not always what happens. They might get a divorce and that still does not mean that they are committed to the relationship with the other woman/person. Generally, many of these people just do not take that kind of commitment seriously. It is what it is. How many times have we heard this story.

So, not only do we have a wife in the picture, but a LOT of pretty disturbing drama and personal intrusion. (Just based on what is posted) The OP is going to get the feedback that she is seeing here. Maybe she doesn't like it. Did she really think that everyone here would applaud her situation???

But it is valid feedback, and perhaps some good advice as well.

 

[EMom]

Taking morality out of it completely, she’s dating a married man, which means there’s a wife. She should EXPECT bumps in the road, some severe. That’s just reality. It’s not a certainty, but the odds are good. If you walk into a storm, you shouldn’t be shocked when it’s not sunny and 70.

 

[Heather07438]

I was also wondering how he spent his Thanksgiving

Good question. Who ends up being the priority when holidays roll around? That can speak to where his head is at.

This was exactly when I figured out the guy I was newly dating might be married. He was very out of reach the whole weekend. We went out to eat later that week. I asked him and he gave me the truth. By that point I had found out already for myself, because a lady I worked with was friends with the mailman on his route, and they confirmed yes he is married... to a divorce attorney! No kidding. But I appreciated that he did answer my question honestly when asked, and I met my husband-to-be weeks later.

 

[disneychrista]

Good question. Who ends up being the priority when holidays roll around? That can speak to where his head is at.

This is also very true for single men too. If holiday's roll around but you never seem to spend them together then he's just not that into you.

 

[Searc]

Taking morality out of it completely, she’s dating a married man, which means there’s a wife. She should EXPECT bumps in the road, some severe. That’s just reality. It’s not a certainty, but the odds are good. If you walk into a storm, you shouldn’t be shocked when it’s not sunny and 70.

See post 21.

 

[Heather07438]

This is also very true for single men too. If holiday's roll around but you never seem to spend them together then he's just not that into you.

Yep. Probably doesn't want to pass up the opportunity to roam gatherings.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Wishing you all the best on your new relationship. Hopefully his divorce can begin to move forward so everyone can heal.
I’m shocked by some of the reactions on here. Triggered much?

 

[Hikergirl]

It seems relevent to me that a PI would go to the lengths of trespassing and impersonating someone to get video of the two inside a private place when it would've been so much easier and lawful to just get a picture of the two of them outside somewhere where he wouldn't be breaking any rules and taking pictures on truly public property.

So why was that so important? OP has said he doesn't live there. To me it doesn't pass the smell test - whether it was made up, or whether there's more going on than OP realizes. Caveat emptor.

I was also wondering how he spent his Thanksgiving

Why?

 

[Allison]

Wishing you all the best on your new relationship. Hopefully his divorce can begin to move forward so everyone can heal.
I’m shocked by some of the reactions on here. Triggered much?

It isn't a new relationship. At least to my standards, 1.5 years isn't new.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Why?

A couple of pp’s already answered this