Kathryn Merteuil
Barden Bella
- Joined
- May 11, 2012
I am only child, but I have seen people with controlling siblings. It is scary. Seems like aging parents and money bring out the worst in people.
Well, I'm not bending over and I have this thread to show for it..
Don’t listen to the projectors, it sounds like you want to maintain a relationship with your family, and that is fine. Some people are controlling, you aren’t going to change them, and you don’t need to do what they say. As for the hotel and car, I think I’d be hurt if my sister chose to stay somewhere else, but we vacation together (and she lives in another state so we only see each other a few times a year).Well, I'm not bending over and I have this thread to show for it...
That might be the reason why.
Not everyone was at her house....your brother was barred. I would have celebrated with my brother. No one...not even my husband could give me what amounts to an ultimatum.If everyone else in the family is showing up at her house for holidays, and she won't allow my brother to come, what am I supposed to do about that? If I boycotted, everyone else would still go to her house, and my son and I would have been by ourselves.
If it's as bad as you say, that's a risk I'd be willing to take.
Sometimes doing the right thing, showing strength is the hard, difficult thing to do. Tyrants get away with their behaviour because people are unwilling to rise up against them and call out their behaviour.
You would have been alone, but you would have shown strength and highlighted that shunning a family member is wrong. It would have been an act of love and acceptance for your brother.
nkereina....
I would not consider this to be a business trip, where one is paid to take care of an employer's business, where and when it is needed.
I would not consider this a vacation...
I would not consider this bachelorette thing to be an established group of family or friends, based on your comments.
I would not have any expectation that you would have had much input, if any at all, in this kind of trip that was planned by others.
I think I would equate what you have described to being invited to an event. You either accept or make your apologies.
So, I don't see that this comparison really applies to the OP's situation at all.
nkereina....
I would not consider this to be a business trip, where one is paid to take care of an employer's business, where and when it is needed.
I would not consider this a vacation...
I would not consider this bachelorette thing to be an established group of family or friends, based on your comments.
I would not have any expectation that you would have had much input, if any at all, in this kind of trip that was planned by others.
I think I would equate what you have described to being invited to an event. You either accept or make your apologies.
So, I don't see that this comparison really applies to the OP's situation at all.
Oh for pity sakes. She was not saying it was the same as the bachelorette trip. She was saying sometimes as an adult you should just suck it up and go with the flow. One night in the same hotel with her brother and sister is hardly going to be the end of the world.
luvsJack is spot on and caught what I was throwing.
Wishing on a star, if you re-read my post, you'll see that my mention of the bachelorette trip I went on was just to say that when dealing with other adults in certain situations, its sometimes worth it to go with the flow and choose your battles wisely. I was not comparing the trips. I was simply disagreeing with the battle the OP has chosen to take on against her sister when it comes to the hotel situation on this trip.
I think you also missed that I put "business trip" in quotes to mean it's a trip to take care of familial business. Not literally a business trip you take for work. It's a trip none of them seem to want to take and its not for something fun. If this were a vacation the three of them opted to spend hard earned money and vacation time on, then I could understand fighting for the lodging and comfort you want. But for a brief trip that has to be made out of necessity and obligation, to "take care of business", then I would just opt for the path of least resistance. Especially if only for a night or two.
In essence, the OP WAS invited along. The OP could have declined the trip all together if she truly wanted to. When going along with others for something that has the potential to be contentious to begin with, I would not want to start out on the wrong foot.
YES AND YES unfortunately. Controlling sibling all of my life. When our Dad passed in 2013, it was bad enough, her taking control while my Mom was still alive. THEN, when our Mom passed in 2017, she was VERY CONTROLLING and the EXECUTRIX....FUN, FUN!I am only child, but I have seen people with controlling siblings. It is scary. Seems like aging parents and money bring out the worst in people.
However, before anything was booked the OP specifically told her sister that she would like to be involved in the decision regarding where to stay, and the sister completely disregarded her. It isn't as if the OP is just being a pain after the fact, she gave her sister warning that she was happy to go on the trip but that she wanted a say in this one decision and an opportunity to be collaborative from the get-go, and the sister chose to disregard her and book what she wanted.
I understand. But my opinion still stands that when doing things like this, you may have to put up with some stuff you wouldn't choose yourself. It is annoying that the sister didn't include OP as requested, but the sister is taking care of all other logistics and settling the estate. And regardless, the situation can still be remedied for the OP even though the OP wasn't able to be involved in the planning. It sounds like the sister and brother have since asked OP to at least come stay at the hotel, which she declined. Since OP isn't fond of the hotel choice, another option is to suggest a hotel that's acceptable to all and have OP offer to pick up any cost difference so the estate isn't out anything more. If none of these are acceptable, then so be it, but the OP should then brace for tension on the trip, which is not what I would want to deal with when settling my father's estate with my siblings.
YES AND YES unfortunately. Controlling sibling all of my life. When our Dad passed in 2013, it was bad enough, her taking control while my Mom was still alive. THEN, when our Mom passed in 2017, she was VERY CONTROLLING and the EXECUTRIX....FUN, FUN!
Via his death certificate, our affadavits & birth certificates, etc., and the fact that there is no other next of kin making counter claims. And because we're not talking about millions of dollars. Banks don't get to just keep a deceased person's money because there is no will or attorney involved.
They may have to send it to the state as an escheatment.Of course they don't. But they don't also get to release it to the next of kin without an estate plan in place.
We've already received money from various accounts, actually. So no estate plan was needed.Of course they don't. But they don't also get to release it to the next of kin without an estate plan in place.