Hello again!
Still no customers but that means I can write some more. Yay!
I am in a major post wedding funk. We watched the movie You Again last night and it was about a wedding. Sadness. I tend to avoid things that upset me so I thought about avoiding writing again, but if I keep doing this, it is going to be 2015 by the time I get around to it. No, maybe 2020. Crazy to think that year is 9 years away. This brain fog thing is bad. I am out of it all the time. I don't remember things and even the wedding is a blur.
Wendy-my good friend Katie lives in Cranford! I was in Clifton near NYC. We will be in OC this summer for a few days since my husband's (Still weird to say that) grandparents still live in NJ. I have family in Philly so we will be making the rounds. I still think no one liked us based on their blog post. I was hoping for gushing words, but nope. Then again, I am one of many, many brides. I would like to think we are awesome. I would also like to know why I care so much about it
The Disney Wedding Blog thing was cool, but here is a little secret. My friend who I met here on the boards knew I was bummed about nothing being written on the Roots blog so she contacted Carly and sent her our wedding pictures so Carly posted them. It is very sweet of her to do that and I appreciate it, but it is because of my friend, not because Carly saw our stuff and thought WOW! That chick rocks! Let me post her stuff. But still, it was cool and it made me smile.
Back to the welcome dinner stuff. Like I said, I probably would have moved it inside. I would have looked at the location before hand. For some reason, when we were planning the whole thing, I was thinking it was going to be on the beach area. Not sure why I got that idea being that it was a marina but I thought water=beach. I just can't believe how dark it was where we were. It also annoyed me that we spent a ton of money to have the Wishes soundtrack music at the marina and people came and stood around us and got to hear it. Oh well! A little magical moment for them
Now that I see the pictures I wish we would have just watched the fireworks instead of posing for the pictures that really did not turn out. Instead of having them come to the welcome dinner we should have stuck to the family session we planned on doing after the wedding. I say that but that would have been another day of something to plan. The boys were really sick and would they have cooperated? No. But we only have 2 pictures of the 4 of us at the wedding and it makes me sad.
As I was writing this I had a total meltdown. Tears, sobbing, everything. Bryan asked me if I was sad because no one was coming to my sale. Um, no, that is not it. It was sweet though. The wedding isn't the only thing I am sad about, it is other things too, but just thinking about it makes me sad. I told my friend I was sad about the wedding and some of the pictures and things I wish I did differently. She told me no one knew of anything that went wrong (nothing major did go wrong), the wedding was beautiful, everyone had a good time, and there is nothing I can do about it. True. I need to just get over it. But how does one do that? Do people have post wedding blues? You wait your whole life for this one day (I really didn't but then got caught up in it) and then bam, it is over. So sad. Man, I am a depressing person. So sorry!
Bottom line on the welcome dinner: I was glad we had everyone there. The food was good, I only found out later there were brownies and ice cream that were amazing....should have paid more attention....but then again, it was so dark you could not see anything!
I often think about what is really at the core issue of my sadness with the wedding being over? I really think it is wedding envy. I get angry at myself for rushing into the wedding because of my hatred of all things odd number related (no way would I get married in 2011 and I was not waiting until 2012 because I was 34 when I got married and did not want to wait until 36 just because of my weird number thing. On the other hand, the day was beautiful, I love Christmas so the decorations were amazing, I hate hot weather and humidity so December was perfect, and everyone was there to be at the wedding and to spend Bryan's birthday with him. OH and it was in an even year so it all worked out. So was it really how quickly we got married? No, because I know I wanted to marry him. We were already living together so it was not a big deal. What the real issue is, how fast I booked everything. I was sure things would fill up, vendors would be booked. I booked the first people I heard about without doing any real looking. Yes, I had someone booked for pictures and I was able to get out of that, but all I did was go with the only person I had heard of for video, and I got sucked into using the vendors many people used on here without really thinking about it. It was as if I were at a going out of business sale where there were no refunds, and everything was being sold and I just had to have it ASAP so no one else would snatch it up. Bad example, but maybe it makes sense. I was so worried someone else would get who I MIGHT want that I went ahead and booked them without really thinking. More about this later. Not complaining about my vendors-just saying I would have done things differently had I had more time.
On the other hand, maybe it is better that I didn't explore lots of ideas, locations, etc. It was all so simple, but is that better in the long run? Looking at the boards now, the wedding blogs, the photographers sites, etc. it all makes me sad and that is just not good. I have had to take extreme measures. I am rarely on here because I get too upset reading about other people's days. Yes, I am thrilled for them, but then I think why didn't I think about that? Why didn't I know about that? Then I perseverate on it when there is nothing I can do. I so need therapy
I have also had to hide the Disney Blogs, Photographers Websites, etc. from my FB feed. I see a link to a wedding, see how much was written about them, see that they got the amazing photos I did not get and it all just makes me sad.
I hate that I am feeling this way. I hate that I am so negative (I will post what was fabulous!) I hate that I care so much. But I do. This is me. This is who I am. I am trying to change it, but looking at all the boards and blogs maybe gives me a thread to hang on to, but it is a bad thread. One that causes sadness.
Seriously, what is wrong with me? I would not read my posts if I were not me. I am a downer. Seriously. This will get better. I will get better on this journal. I hope. If you do still want to read, thanks.
More to come!
So the foot issue is clear. No clearing up of the ear issue, and the brain fog is getting worse. Braces are still on and I went from the large "penguin" rubber bands and graduated to the super small, thick and tight "Impala" rubber bands. Ah, the pain but it is moving the jaw so I hope that helps in the long run. 
