If you care for someone romantically

[Poohforyou]

My husband and I have been married almost 24 years and never once has either of us given the other reason to be jealous.

I can't imagine being/staying in a relationship where jealousy was something I had to deal with.

 

[sonnyjane]

My life would suck if my husband was jealous. I travel often and love to chat with everyone - both male and female. I have friends that have to worry about what they wear/where they go/what pictures they post to social media because they have jealous spouses and others that have to check in throughout the meal/night to reassure that nothing is going on. I honestly think their husbands are abusive and that my friends are warped for staying in the relationship so, um no, I don’t think that a lack of jealousy means you don’t love your SO! I think it means you love and trust them completely.

 

[manning]

I have no need to flirt. Why want coal when you have diamond

 

[missbrooke06]

and they just never get jealous, is this ok ?

I get we are all different, but to me not getting jealous equals not really carrying

My husband thinks like you. So now I fake jealousy on occasion and it's all worked out.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

My life would suck if my husband was jealous. I travel often and love to chat with everyone - both male and female. I have friends that have to worry about what they wear/where they go/what pictures they post to social media because they have jealous spouses and others that have to check in throughout the meal/night to reassure that nothing is going on. I honestly think their husbands are abusive and that my friends are warped for staying in the relationship so, um no, I don’t think that a lack of jealousy means you don’t love your SO! I think it means you love and trust them completely.

I'm genuinely surprised that you have more than one friend in this situation. I don't know anyone personally with a spouse that controlling. I thought relationships like this were mostly made for tv.

 

[sonnyjane]

I'm genuinely surprised that you have more than one friend in this situation. I don't know anyone personally with a spouse that controlling. I thought relationships like this were mostly made for tv.

Not a ton, but I’d say 4 that I can think of.

 

[ols386]

Wo aren’t jealous. But I have to admit there have been a handful of times, when DH was interacting with another lady, and I felt just a twinge, but have never mentioned it to him.

 

[Tattylou]

I don't think jealousy is necessarily always about how much you care.....
It isn't always a lack of trust either, but it obviously can be.
Sometimes it's about the jealous persons own low self esteem or lack of confidence.
Sometimes it's about power and control.
Sometimes it's harmless or even flattering....but sometimes there are bigger issues behind it.
I guess it depends on the context, the intensity of it, etc.

 

[low-key]

Wo aren’t jealous. But I have to admit there have been a handful of times, when DH was interacting with another lady, and I felt just a twinge, but have never mentioned it to him.

everyone gets a little jealous from time to time, there all lying

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Not a ton, but I’d say 4 that I can think of.

Interesting. That really surprises me.

 

[sonnyjane]

Interesting. That really surprises me.

Last night my friend and I were out at a restaurant meeting a former coworker of hers and her new boyfriend. I had never met either of them before, ever. It was loud so I leaned in to be able to hear him as he introduced himself. She only somewhat jokingly pushed me away from him and said “back off my man.” I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I’d known her for about 30 seconds. Later on in the night a married couple took the two stools next to my friend. The husband initially was going for the stool next to us but the wife cut in and sat there instead. She said “No, I know you, if you sit there you’ll talk to her.”

That was just within a two hour period with strangers. Not just “for TV”.

 

[indimom]

I suspect DH may have a woman or two at work who are crushing on him simply because he works in a rough 95% male environment, and a good number of these guys are not always "gentleman" around the women who work there. My husband doesn't tolerate that. He was raised to treat women as ladies and he's very protective so he has stepped in a few times when "the guys" were getting out of hand. So, I wouldn't be surprised if there are a couple women who would be interested if he gave them an opening.... But, he's also all about loyalty, so I'm not losing any sleep.
He's got nothing to be jealous of. I'm a wall-flower outside my own environment, people very rarely notice I'm there.

 

[keri125]

I would say there’s a difference between other people flirting with your partner and your partner flirting with other people (which we would probably be jealous/upset about if it ever happened, but it never has).

Totally agree. I haven't had a lot of experience in relationships, and when I got together with and married my now-ex, I was pretty naive. I was always a little shocked at how jealous I was during our relationship as I never saw myself as being a jealous person. After we divorced I spent a lot of time exploring the person I was during that relationship and who I wanted to be, and looking back on it I figured out I was jealous because he was giving me reason to be. When other women would flirt with him he would flirt right back, right in front of me, and not in a teasing manner, either. Very serious flirting. He would then act like I was crazy for feeling upset about it. Turned out the guy was a diagnosed narcissist and saw me as ripe for the picking.

We've been out a few times where a guy has hit on me with him right there. He usually lets me handle it, except once, when the guy would not let up. That one time he told him to back the heck up and beat it. The guy did leave. Other than that we don't have jealousy issues.

Yeah, to me there's a difference between being jealous and not liking how someone approaches or treats your spouse. When DH and I first started dating, we worked together at a state park. One of our coworkers had a thing for me. I wasn't remotely interested. He would go back and forth between fawning over me and calling me inappropriate names to other coworkers. I told him to cut it out. DH was upset about it BECAUSE I was and asked me if I wanted him to say anything to the coworker or our bosses (he had worked there for several years and was pals with them). I said no and he didn't. But he sure didn't like how I was being treated.

Yes to both of these. I think there is a big difference between jealousy and stepping in when someone is clearly being aggressive towards someone you care about.

ETA: I can imagine myself at a nice restaurant and the wife busting in and throwing a drink on the guy and then I'd get to throw my drink at the guy...but that's far too much work and I don't have the flare for it.

While I know in real life being upset enough to throw my drink in someone's face isn't something that I would really want, the overly dramatic part of me thinks that just once it would be awesome to be in a situation where I could throw my drink in someone's face and storm out!!

 

[lisaviolet]

Last night my friend and I were out at a restaurant meeting a former coworker of hers and her new boyfriend. I had never met either of them before, ever. It was loud so I leaned in to be able to hear him as he introduced himself. She only somewhat jokingly pushed me away from him and said “back off my man.” I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I’d known her for about 30 seconds. Later on in the night a married couple took the two stools next to my friend. The husband initially was going for the stool next to us but the wife cut in and sat there instead. She said “No, I know you, if you sit there you’ll talk to her.”

That was just within a two hour period with strangers. Not just “for TV”

Wow.

Unreal.

A bit OT but I have a different take on flirting. My parents' generation, or maybe just my parents and their group of friends , seemed to regularly flirt with each other. And it was taken for what it was - harmless and fun. And I guess it was probably the lighthearted kind. I actually think people have become too serious about it all. People are thinking they are respecting and protecting relationships by not partaking, but I find people are way more reactive and territorial in comparison.