Lesli's Changing Life at 40 Journal

[Lesli54]

Ok, I didn't get back here earlier today to make my goals, but I was very productive today! It really felt good.

This morning I was actually ready before getting the kids off to school. Something I have been working on. Even though I am home most of the day, I have begun wearing makeup everyday again and fixing my hair. It used to seem pointless after all who was going to see me. The answer? I was seeing me......or avoiding me in the mirror. When you look like you took time to care for yourself, you just feel better. Really hoping this helps get me to where I want to be in the long run.

After getting the kids off to school, I cleaned the kitchen some and cleaned the ovens. So nice to have a self cleaning oven. I really liked feeling like I was accomplishing things that I usually put off. I decided to add oven cleaning (and refrigerator) to my calendar so that it not only gets done on a regular basis, but so that I feel more in control of life. Time to take charge of the house again.........

Got some bookwork done and a few other odd things. The biggest and unexpectedly most liberating was a very "simple" task. I was packing up used cards to send to St. Judes for the children to make new cards to sell. This is something that I have always wanted to do. So I gathered about 300+ cards, boxed them up and sent them off. In that box were the tons of cards that I kept from my accident almost 4 years ago. Originally, I had thought to keep them, but today, I decided to keep only those few that were most special and donate the rest to St. Judes. For the first time, I actually felt like I was getting rid of the barrier that keeps me saying "before the accident" or "after the accident". It was great! There is no before or after, it is all the past. I have come a long way and by saying that was I was keeping myself tied to what I deemed a better life? My life is good and I can do all things that I used to (except ride a bike). I felt that by making the distinction, I was making excuses as to why I am not reaching my goals.....including weight loss. Time to move on!

Food today:
Breakfast - 1 egg omelet w/cheese, 1 english muffin w/butter, 1/2 c grapefruit juice, 1 c hot tea
AM snack - nuts
Lunch - chicken salad sandwich w/lettuc & tomato, some blue corn chips
PM snack - choc chip granola bar, 2 cookies
Another PM snack - choc chip bar
Supper - 1/2 marie calendar chicken pot pie (shared w/DS)
Late snack - white gold popcorn (caramel corn & almonds covered in white chocolate)
Now - 1 c hot tea

Ok, so things were going good and fell apart. Two things: No balance in food later in the day resulting in high carbs AND I started to get tired but didn't take a nap.

Goals for the rest of the week:
1. Get plenty of rest
2. Eat more fruits, veggies, yogurt, hard cheese.....keep it fresh, less processed

Better get going. I will talk to you later.

 

[toystoryduo]

Sounds like you got a lot done yesterday! Way to go!

Your goals for the rest of the week look good. You CAN do it!

Hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!

 

[Lesli54]

Today has been busy from the start. Went to bed a bit earlier last night, but didn't get up earlier, so I didn't have time for a decent breakfast. Next time, I have to leave early, I will do better.

Went up to see DD22 and take some of the things she forgot over the weekend. She's trying to get settled into her new (first) apartment. We did help her get quite a bit set up over the weekend, but I think I will head back up this weekend to help her finish. No need to stress over it when she has a very heavy semester and is going to try to graduate in May.

Looks like DD22 is not getting married now. The fiance lost his military career when due to his last injury. He had fallen during training and broke his leg pretty good. So, that has created alot of stress needless to say. But right now, she needs to focus on finishing school and he needs to focus on establishing a new career. Maybe things will work out in the long run. Over the holidays, she was here and getting her well rested and back to some semblance of self was a struggle. But she is looking better and today really sounded like herself and confident. What more can I ask for?

Just to catch up.....DD20 is a whole other issue. She is still living with the boyfriend at his mother's. They consider it "their" place, but I do throw in the reminder that neither one is out on their own and the home belongs to his mother. Should I? Maybe not, but this is reality. She has not done much talking to me in the last few months and actually does what she can to avoid me. If she didn't still work for us, I think we would never see her. She now has a certificate as a physical therapist aide and I am encouraging her to go find a job in that field so that it will help her with the rest of her studies. Needless to say, she is not trying hard. I think that it is possible that she is afraid to severe the only connection that she feels she has left open with us. Very tough. I wish she would move back as I think she is finding that the grass is not always greener. Also, I don't think he has her best interest at heart....she's just there. I am learning to accept it and am trying to make better in roads to her but she is not very receptive. Praying that things change soon.

Oh, we got our treadmill today. DH is now setting it up. Can't wait to start using it.

Food for the day:
Breakfast - 6 chocolate mini donuts & water
AM snack - missed
Lunch - bacon cheeseburger w/mayo and tomato, fries, pepsi
PM snack - choc chip granola bar, some spread cheese on tortilla chips
Supper - enchiladas & spanish rice

Breakfast was quick on the run and lunch was out with DMom. Supper is at least homemade.

I did find that the Wii Fit and my scale are 2lbs apart. Also, I realized that I added weight to my Wii person when I accounted for clothing rather than subtracting, so it appears that I wasn't 233, but probably closer to 230. Still not good. I think I am going to follow my scale since that is the one I am used to. However, I will use the Wii Fit to set goals and track the amount lost. I figure the amount lost is the same on either scale.

Well, the good news is that I have lost 1.1 lbs since my post last week. At least that is positive.

Time to set some goals!
Off to set some goals

 

[Lesli54]

Based on today's weight of 224.4 lbs, I will set my goals and go from there. I would like to weigh 150 lbs. That is a weight that I know I can maintain (past experience) and am happy at. It is at the top of the range I should be in, so if I feel like I can lose a few more after hitting 150.....well, tackle that when I get there. For now, I have to get to a healthy weight.

My goals:
10 lbs lost - by Valentine's day!
20 lbs lost - by St. Patty's day (don't know what else is in March)
25 lbs lost - by Easter
32.5 lbs lost - by DAR Conference late April
37.5 lbs lost - by my birthday, May 2
42.5 lbs lost - by end of school, late May
50 lbs lost - by vacation, mid June (I think...need to plan that)
55 lbs lost - by DAR Convention, early July (if I go)
60 lbs lost - by DD22's birthday, mid July
70 lbs lost - by our Anniversary, Aug 15 (that puts me at 154!, DH would swoon)
74.4 lbs lost - by end of August (hit the goal!)


Things to work on in the next month:
1. In bed by 10:30pm, I need better sleep
2. Up by 6:15 so I can exercise in the mornings
3. 1 c. of milk a day
4. No eating after 8:30pm


I will set mini goals so that I can reward myself along the way. Clothing is not included as I will just buy that as needed, no baggy clothes allowed, must feel good. I figure clothing is just part of the cost of weight loss. The mini goals should be fun things that I don't normal do or something that is a treat for me.

5lbs lost - I get a pedicure! I have only had one, but would really like to do it again.
10 lbs lost - I get a facial! This I have never had done, so it will be exciting.


My weight loss journey is about taking care of me, which will better help me take care of my family. Onwards and Downwards!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Lesli,

Your goals look good! You CAN accomplish each and every one of them! I like the idea of mini goals and rewards too. That helps the momentum to keep moving forward.

Sending good thoughts and prayers for your DDs......I hope everything works out for them!

Have a nice Thursday!

 

[goldcupmom]

Wow, Lesli! Your goals look great! And your rewards!

Prayers for the stuff going on with the DDs & you. Not fun....I know!

Great job cleaning out. wanna come do my house next?

Have a great rest of the week!

 

[Lesli54]

Thanks for stopping. Tracy, I have determined that all goals can be met! Julie, I would love to come help you clean out....but first I need to do some more around here.

Just a real quick note.

All food Wednesday as planned except I had green beans instaed of the spanish rice for supper. Didn't eat after 8:30 and made it to bed at 10:45!

Yesterday morning, I was not up as early as I would have liked, but did feel rested. Got my cup of milk in, so off to a good start. I had planned to work out on the treadmill, but after breakfast things went downhill.

DMom called into work because she had fallen and went to ER. In the meantime, I had taken DD12 to the ortho, ran over to get supplies at PetSmart only to find that they closed the store, picked up DD12, found out DMom was serious, went over to hospital and there I staye all day. DH came to take DD12 back to school.

DMom broke 3 right ribs and collapsed the left lung. After getting the pain meds going she was able to relax but in major pain. Surgery was a possiblity, but last night the surgeon said he would wait to see what today brings. It is possible that the lung will reinflate on its own. Bad way for a family reunion.

Food yesterday
Breakfast - 1 egg omelet w/cheese, 1/2 banana, 1/2 c grapefruit juice, 1 c milk
Late lunch - tuna sandwich, chips, pepsi
Late PM snack - small chocolate bar
Very late supper - sm Arby's roast beef, 2 potato cakes, pepsi

In bed late........

I haven't been to the hospital yet today, but no news is good. Working quickly to finish some bookwork that was due yesterday and gather financial info for my mom for the hospital. Headed there in a few.

Food today:
Breakfast - 1 fried egg, 1 english muffin, 1 c milk, 1/2c grapefruit juice
Who knows about the rest of the day............

Gotta go.

 

[toystoryduo]

Continuing prayers for your mom. How is she doing today?

 

[Lesli54]

Long weekend........

DMom is doing better at the moment. After so many ups and downs. Not too thrilled with this hospital since we have had a nurse that was not good at all....too many things to go into there. Then come to find out that things we were told in the beginning wasn't accurate and it took 5 days to find out what the accurate story is. We were told she left lung was collapsed. Today, the Dr. says it was the right lung becuase it was puntured by one of the ribs. Now why didn't we have that story straight a long time ago? No one corrected us all this time. Not thrilled at all, course it doesn't help that I am not fond of this particular hospital to begin with.

The good news is that she will probably come home tomorrow. The big concern now is that she has an air bubble in the wall of her lung (the right one, which is now mostly inflated). Basically, if she has any trouble breathing she needs to go back ASAP and they will put a chest tube in. It is possible that the bubble will disapate on its own. Oh great.....

Food, not so good the last few days. Some chips, some candy, some pop and mostly fast food. On the plus side, I have been getting a decent breakfast and had 2 decent dinners. Also, I have not really been over eating so that should help with the food choices.

Drinking 1 c of milk a day, and most nights I have been in bed before 11pm. There has been some late night eating, but that was mainly due to having supper that late after leaving the hospital. No exercise since I have been at the hospital everyday and when I am home it is mainly to TRY to keep up with some things.

Update: DD22 is officially done with the boyfriend so no wedding. At least she is very confident with her decision and no back and forth. Sad, but in some ways probably the best.

DD12 went on a ski trip this weekend with a church group. She had a great time and found out she loves to ski. DH now wants to go on a ski trip. They can ski, I will be the one on the nice warm sweater with the furry hood, sitting in front of the fire reading, with a hot cocoa...well when I am not shopping.

Really beginning to wonder why I keep falling behind about 20 steps when I finally start getting things caught up. I would really like to be caught up and on top of things again. It used to be that way, but so hard to get back there now. Something to ponder.

 

[toystoryduo]

I'm glad to hear that your mom is doing better. We'll keep her in our thoughts and prayers.

No worries about food the past few days...You've had a lot to deal with! Once things settle down a bit, you can focus on getting back OP.

I like your idea of a ski trip, Lesli!

Hope you have a nice day today!

 

[Lesli54]

Weight is stable. At first I was disappointed, but actually I am happy. I figured with everything so off this past week I could have easily put on a few lbs. So I am just going to be glad that things are the same.

DMom got to go home today. She still needs to be careful and keep her eye on her breathing as a precaution, but at least she is home. DS7 and I went to visit her tonight, took some homemade potato soup that I had in the freezer (figured it would help make meals easier), and some cookies that a friend made for her. Thankfully, DAunt lives with her and can help her as she recovers. But DMom's spirits are up and she was getting around pretty good. It is amazing what being at home will do for a person. On the plus side, I think she is going to quit smoking. It's almost been a week and she had a glimpse of what it would be like to struggle with breathing which is where she is headed since they did say she had the beginnings of emphysemia. I know she wants to, so hopefully, it will work.

Struggled with a slllllooooooooowwwwwww computer this morning. Trying to get payroll done and we had switched to a new system. Not fun when your trying to double check the old with the new, the computer isn't cooperating and you have a deadline at the bank. Then it was on to another bookkeeping nightmare. And so was my morning.

This afternoon, I took it a bit easy, and made sure that my phone calendar was updated with my written calendar (like having the back up). Definitely feel much better now that I can keep track better of what is going on.

Today's food:
Breakfast - 1 fried egg, 1 english muffin, 1 c milk, 1 c grapefruit juice
AM snack - probably a piece of candy
Lunch - pepsi and pepperoni pizza, some candy
PM snack - candy
Supper - oatmeal (couldn't think and not hungry)
Late snack - candy

Ok, so you noticed it was a candy day. Fortunately these were not candy bars.......but small handfuls do add up. I really think it was the fact that I am tired (up very late trying to get laundry done for the week), stressing over the computers (DH also having problems with his), trying to get caught up enough on bookwork, worrying about DMom, trying to figure out how I am going to carry the household, work for DMom, do my work, get the kids where they need to be, help with DMom where I can, AND......finish the book project for DH's aunt that is still hanging over my head. Plus a million more things.

Why is it that when you back off of things you always have tons more to do?

Goals reached today:
1. Got my milk in (guess I should be happy that I at least made one goal)

Gotta go get some rest. Talk to you later.

 

[toystoryduo]

Why is it that when you back off of things you always have tons more to do?

That's a great question, Lesli! I think that's what happened to me yesterday. I was trying to take it easy and wham! I got slammed with a 100 different things all at once. Of course, these things did not fix themselves overnight so it looks like life is going to be extra stressful for awhile. The good thing is that if we put one foot in front of the other, we can and we will make it through!

I'm glad that your mom is home. I hope she continues feeling better and heals quickly. That's great that she wants to quit smoking!

Sending lots of your way today. I hope your Wednesday is a good one!

 

[Lesli54]

What a long week. DMom is feeling better, although surprised at how much energy it takes to heal. She's counting down the days til she goes back to the dr., makes the total time down seem to go faster I guess.

Weight is down to 223.80 lbs. so that is a loss of .6 lbs. I will take it. The last few weeks have been very stressful.

Food hasn't been the greatest, but I am trying to watch my portions and make better choices. Basically, be more aware. My biggest problem is when I don't eat a decent lunch or supper, then I snack on something and think that is free reign on everything. Not every day is that way, but many lately are.

Not getting to bed early enough either. I have spent the last few days trying to get my office under control......thinking it really relates to my life. Although, I am very glad that things are coming along and I am feeling more on top of things, I really wish that I could remind myself that with proper sleep one is actually more productive.

On the plus side, I have been getting in 1 c of milk daily and drinking more water again. Most of the days, I have been able to not eat past 8:30pm. Not a total success, but a partial one is a start.

Food today:
Breakfast - 1 fried egg, 1 slice 7 grain toast w/ jelly, 1 c milk, 1 c grapefruit juice
AM snack - banana
Lunch - salad
PM snack - ??? might be at the store working, so not sure, try to make it healthy
Supper - maybe spaghetti

Goals today:
1. 40 oz water - need to start somewhere
2. 15 min on treadmill - not too much to ask
3. bed by 10:30pm - even though I will want to stay up thinking I can get more work done

Better get going, everyone have a great day!

 

[toystoryduo]

I hope the week ahead is a better week for you! Prayers continue for your mom.

 

[Lesli54]

Thanks, Tracy!

Down another .2 lbs. Yes, I am going to celebrate every step of the way even if it is small.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Didn't get on the treadmill.....the lack of sleep over the last few days really caught up, so in the morning, I went and took a nap. That was a great decision, much better than trying to stay awake doing work and just eating anything just to stay awake. So a big plus there.

Did quite a bit of bookwork in the afternoon, but hit a few computer difficulties. Sometimes, I think that doing things by hand is much better. At the same time, we are also trying to become more integrated with the computers. A catch 22 at times.

Food yesterday was pretty good even though I did slip. AM snack was missed and lunch was changed to 1 c HC chicken & rice soup w/5 saltines & butter. PM snack was 8oz pepsi, sm bag chips, and a twix. Not great and I think part was that I was still tired. Heck, I had even bought fruit. At least it wasn't a large bag of chips and a whole bottle of pepsi. Supper was as planned, then later, I had 4 crackers with cheese. Should have just went to bed at that point, but supper had too much garlic and I was trying to get rid of that taste.

Water was close to 40 oz and I went to bed at 11pm. Little later than planned but still earlier than usual. All in all, I think I had a good day.

This morning I am getting bookwork done. Trying so hard to finish up the year and get it put away. Then I have to go in to work this afternoon since DMom isn't able to obviously, and DD20 has an interview this afternoon. She is hoping to get into the Physical Therapy program at school. Praying that the interview goes well since she has been working towards this and you can tell it lights her up.

Food today:
Breakfast - 1 egg omelet w/cheese, 1/2 c grapefruit juice, 1 c milk, 1 slice toast w/jelly
AM snack - banana
Lunch - 1 c HC chicken & rice soup w/ crackers (left from yesterday and quick)
PM snack - not sure
Supper - depends on where I am and who is with me (night of running kids to places)

Goals today:
1. 40oz water
2. treadmill for 15 min
3. bed by 10:30pm

Better get going, things to do yet before work. Everyone have a great day!

 

[toystoryduo]

We're halfway through the week! Isn't that a great feeling?!?!? I hope you have a great day ahead!

 

[Lesli54]

Hey, halfway through the week is good.

Down another .6 lbs.! I actually am feeling very good today. Probably contributed to better sleep, more water, and not an entire day filled with junk.

Yesterday was a pretty good day and it felt good to actually be up at the store working instead of just at home. Took DS7 to piano lessons, so I was home in the evening doing bookwork while DH took DD12 to dance. I am actually starting to feel like I am accomplishing some things......although there is still much left to do.

Food went pretty well until the afternoon. I had a small bag of chips (need to just get rid of that habit), 8oz of pepsi, and 2 hohos. Supper was a small plate of spaghetti. I ate a bit late, but that was because I wasn't hungry since I had a handful of pretzels earlier. Need to work on the poor snack choices. Then later, I had a bit of White Gold popcorn (white chocolate over carmel corn w/almonds). Water was 60 oz, possibly 70oz! (lost track of a glass)

Fell asleep at 10:45pm! I have taken the last few nights to walk away from the computer and the desk. Instead, I am watching some tv which I think I will replace with reading, but at least I am unwinding for the day. Much healthier than sitting there like this until strange hours of the morning.

Treadmill..none (need to find a good place in the day to fit exercise in)

Food for today:
Breakfast - 1 fried egg, 1 slice wheat toast w/jelly (the breadman did not leave my favorite bread), 1 c milk, 1/2 c grapefruit juice
AM snack - strawberries
Lunch - brat on a bun, cottage cheese
PM snack - cheese & crackers
Supper - ??? will search for a healthy recipe to try

Goals today:
1. Bed by 11pm (picking up DD22 late)
2. 50 oz water (thought I would just keep upping the lower limit until I reach where I want to be on this)
3. stick with the food plan

Time to get going. Lots on my desk that I have yet to conquer. Everyone have a great day!

 

[toystoryduo]

It sounds like you had a good day yesterday! Great job on the weight loss and on your water intake!

It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do isn't it?

I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!

 

[Lesli54]

Wednesday was another great day. Stayed with my food plan, although I did have some ice cream late, then because I really didn't like it and had the taste in my mouth that I couldn't get rid of, I ate a couple pretzels to cleanse the palate. Next time, a cup of tea will do. Supper was herb noodles, teriyaki chicken and corn. Almost went for something quick to fix, but stuck with the plan. Water was about 50-60oz.

I did make it to bed close to 11pm.....AND....I got on the treadmill for 10 mins. Not much, but definitely a start. It really felt good.

So other than a very very very slow computer, it was a good day.

Yesterday was a bit off. Didn't get much done since DH was working on the computer most of the day. Also had to take DD22 back to school, so there went a chunk of the day. Food was ok, but not great. Water could have been better, coming in at maybe 30oz.

Food yesterday: Breakfast was 1 fried egg, 1 slice wheat toast w/ jelly, 1/2 c grapefruit juice, 1 c milk. AM snack missed. Lunch was 3 tacos and a pepsi at Taco Bell. Could have chosen better, but glad I didn't drink all the pepsi. PM snack was 5 strawberries. Almost went for crackers & cheese, but figured w/ lunch and pizza for supper I needed something healthier. Supper was 4 slices (1 cheese, 3 supreme) of thin crust pizza from Pizza Hut. DH was out and brought it home for the usual pizza night. Also a 6oz can of pepsi. Didn't eat anything later. A big plus!

Got to bed closer to 11:30pm. I had reconnected with some friends whom I had seen in 26 years and it was great.

Today's food:
Breakfast - 1 fried egg, 1 slice wheat toast w/butter, 1 c milk, 1 c hot tea
AM snack - missed (ate late breakfast)
Lunch - ??? probably something on the go
PM snack - none. Late lunch
Supper - either broccoli & cheddar soup w/ salad, or baked potato "bar" w/ fruits. Easy and fun.

Today's goals:
1. 50 oz water
2. bed by 10:30pm
3. stick with the food plan

On the plus side, I was down to 222.6 lbs yesterday when I weighed in. Amazing what an increase in water, better sleep, and just watching the food intake will do.

Better get going. I have to go pick up DD22, should have just let her take the car yesterday as she is coming back for the weekend. Oh well. Then the rest of the day is bookwork.....should be a blast.

Everyone have a great weekend.

 

[Lesli54]

Woohoo! Another 2.4lbs down! That puts me at 4.2 lbs down in total since setting my goals a few weeks ago. Making my weight now 220.2lbs. I will take that and run!

So happy, I am. The probability of me taking off another 5lbs by Sunday (first goal) is slim, but I am going to keep trying to see what I can take off. Anything is better than nothing.

Food has been so so. Some days good, some not so good, but overall, I have noticed that I am taking smaller portions and putting snacks in moderation. I have been drinking a glass of milk everyday and for the most part getting to bed by 11pm....although many nights not being able to sleep since DH's snoring has miserably increased.

Most of the days, I am not eating late at night either. The few times that I did was either due to late supper, or because I ate so little that day due to being busy. Water still needs some work.

Food yesterday was decent for proportions, not for overall health. Breakfast was 1 egg omelet w/mushrooms & cheese, 1 slice toast w/butter, 1 c milk, & 1 c hot tea. No AM snack. Lunch was 1 1/2 slices (small slices) of pizza. I was thrilled that I recognized I was full and stopped. PM snack was 3 oreos. Supper was a small bowl of corn chex and a bit later, I had a small portion of nachos. Like I said, not great food, but definitely portioned so that is a huge success.

Today's food:
Breakfast - 1 fried egg, slice toast w/butter, 1 c milk, 1 c hot tea
AM snack - missed
Lunch - baked potato, butter, little sour cream (that will probably be filling enough)
PM snack - maybe a couple cookies, maybe some peaches
Supper - ??? thinking salad though

Goals today:
1. Treadmill for 15 min
2. 60oz water
3. no food after 8:30pm
4. bed by 10:30pm

One thing that is helping is this stupid cold with sinuses draining. I just do not feel like eating much. So I will take full advantage of that.

Another thing that has helped kick me into gear in the last week was a compliment that I recieved. An old friend from high school (of course, a guy) mentioned that I still look really good. Thank God he only had a head and shoulders shot. But it meant alot and got me to thinking that there is no reason why I can't look better all over. It's just nice to know sometimes that other people besides your husband think you look good.

My class reunion is coming up and I seen what many of my classmates look like now. I want to look like me, the me that I know inside. Some of these people have gained so much that I barely recognize them.

The other thought that occured to me was the fact that the day I had my accident I prayed and fought to stay alive so that I could continue to raise my family. So now why am I sitting here with a body that is hindering me at times from doing exactly that all because of weight? No good answer for that one.

So, I am hyped and pumped and continuing down this weigh loss road. Anyone with me?