Parenting Question

[cabanafrau]

OP's signature suggests her son is one year old. Did the league legitimately let an underage child be signed up?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think that if you need to personally instruct your child, then get as close as you can to him, along the fence line or whatever...

Maybe I'm wrong but I picture you sitting in the stands next to this woman just yelling your head off. That would bother me too.

 

[mom2rtk]

Let the coach handle it. If you want to talk to him about it in a constructive way in the car later, then do that.

But I also agree that the other mom was out of line.

Definitely bring a book or headphones next time and don't step in unless coach asks for your help.

My personal opinion is this is probably too young for organized sports. It seems like it's definitely too young for the OP's child. And that's OK. Every child is different, they all mature at different rates.

 

[DisneyOma]

I actually let the coach handle it for the most part and stay out of the way, but my son requires more direct intervention on occasion. I talk with my son after the practices, but there are a few times where he needs to be corrected on the spot or he won't understand what he did wrong. I most certainly won't be correcting him during games.

That's still the coaches' job, not yours.

I have talked to the coach and he will be handling it during the game. I am only intervening right now during practice, and I only do that as a last resort when his behavior can get him hurt. The coach is planning on putting him in the outfield for games to help keep him from getting hit with the ball.

Isn't it a really soft ball for t-ball? And how hard do the kids really hit it? Maybe a soft whack by the ball would get him to focus, I'm just kidding, BTW, about getting hit by the ball. But still, stop butting in.

Yelling at your kid to let them know what they need to do & where they need to be is a part of sports. Those that want to leave everything to the coach have probably been coaches in youth league or haven't played sports beyond youth league themselves.

Nope, haven't played beyond youth league, but I know better than to be a sideline coach. Just because some parents have to live through their kids' sports doesn't mean it's right. Unless you are the coach, keep it zipped, except to cheer. Older daughter competed in her sports at the national level - I didn't butt in to coach for either sport.

 

[1Mouse2RulethemAll]

This is an excellent point. I would never go to my kids classroom and tell them to listen or pay attention. Let his coach handle it. Don’t be that. Mom.

Actually, we have had to do this with him at the school's behest.

 

[Hikergirl]

Actually, we have had to do this with him at the school's behest.

Am I understanding this right- the school had you go in to his classroom during a school day to yell at him?

 

[Nancyg56]

I’m always amazed at the responses when people ask parenting questions. It gives such good insight into why kids are the way they are these days.

OP, it’s your kid. If you want to yell things at him from the sidelines, go right ahead. I’m assuming you yelled something to the effect of “pay attention” and not something “I can’t believe what a stupid loser jerk you are! Can you please pay attention!”.

I can recall my own sports days. My parents didn’t sit quietly on the sidelines while I was playing. They yelled things. Sometimes they yelled “good job!”. Sometimes they yelled “good try”. Sometimes they yelled “pay attention”. Amazingly enough, I grew up to be a productive member of society even without continuous constant positive reinforcement for everything I did including the screw-ups.

As far as what to do about the other parent and their commentary? I’d have probably either shot her “the look”, or said “well the good news is there’s plenty of field space for you to move where you can’t hear me” or, as a PP said, given her the syrupy sarcastic “well bless your heart”.

I have to say that hearing a parent yell at a 4 YO during a TBall practice would annoy the dickens out of me too. I would not say anything, but I would not like it one bit. I disliked parents yelling at their kids at all levels of sports. IMO there is a time to let go and to allow a coach to address any concerns. I believe that any team activity is not just about one child, but the entire team and parents yelling is very distracting to the others.

 

[luvsJack]

Some kids get “into” the game at this age and pay attention, some don’t and in the outfield at this stage can be so boring for them, especially at practice.

My kids were older when they played t ball but yds was definitely a butterfly chaser, plane watcher, glove thrower in t ball. We never said anything except an occasional “hey, yds, the game is this way” just to jerk his attention. Of course he was far from the only one.

If you can, move down the fence closer to where he is and just remind him. But don’t just yell constantly because that’s worse.

 

[1Mouse2RulethemAll]

Am I understanding this right- the school had you go in to his classroom during a school day to yell at him?

Not yell, but deal with his behavior issues.

 

[Klayfish]

What should I have done or do in the future with regards to this mom? And please don't say to not yell at my kids, my children all know I love them and that if I am break out the stern voice, it is time to act better.

I haven't had time to read all the responses, but if it were me, I would have had some not so PG words for the mother. Sorry, I know some may not agree, but that's just me. Just wouldn't tolerate that.

We're a year round sports family too. All 3 of our kids play, lacrosse and football (DD10 doesn't do football obviously, but does year round lacrosse). We've been doing it for years. I do leave the coaching to the coaches, but have I yelled something like what OP did during practice? Absolutely. Especially when they were younger. I don't do it as much now that they're older, because the coaches have much higher expectations of the kids...heck, my boys football coaches don't put up with any nonsense. If you're not paying attention, you're running laps, or the entire team will run laps and the coach will make it known which player was the one causing it. But I'd have no problem with a parent yelling an instruction to their kid once in a while during practice. I see it every day.

 

[frostedpink]

When my DD was in t ball the “coach” was a teenage boy. With a large group of 3 and 4 year olds I hardly expected him to keep the kids in line. I think it was perfectly acceptable for parents to help and intervene when necessary.

If you only yelled out to your kid twice I think it’s ridiculous that the mom made that comment.

 

[Hikergirl]

Not yell, but deal with his behavior issues.

Ok, that paints a somewhat different picture I guess.
I have never heard of a teacher asking a parent to come in to class and deal directly with their child to discipline them. Through the years, and 3 kids, I've been notified of a behavior issue here and there, but it is more of a head's up and request to deal with it at home.

 

[Liberty Belle]

So I am looking for your thoughts on an issue I had with a mom at my son's t-ball practice tonight.

My son loses focus easily and was goofing off with an orange cone while in the outfield. I sternly hollared at him to stop playing with the cone at one point. A few minutes later, I yelled at him again to pay attention. (My son is used to my stern voice and knows that mommy means business when he hears it and I typically only use it to get his attention.) After that, another player's mom snidely told me it was annoying her and she doesn't want her son to hear me yelling at my own kid. (One of her non-playing kids (18 months old) was wondering the playing field while the practice was going on and she just walked behind him.)

At that point, I just shook my head and walked off without saying a word to her. Had I responded to her, it would have not been pleasant, nor fit for small ears.

What should I have done or do in the future with regards to this mom? And please don't say to not yell at my kids, my children all know I love them and that if I am break out the stern voice, it is time to act better.

I won't tell you not to yell at your kids, but I will tell you that most people do not want to hear it.

My oldest was in gymnastics for years. When he was younger, I used to holler to him to pay attention quite a bit. Then one day I realized that other kids goofed off and no one yelled at them. I tried to step out of myself and see what it seemed like from a different prospective, and I didn't like what I saw. After that, I talked to him after class if I felt it was necessary.

How to deal with the mom? I guess if she said something again, I'd apologize and say you're parenting the way you feel is appropriate (but really, I'd stop yelling).

 

[okeydokey]

You should let the coach handle the discipline on the field at practice and games. As far as a teacher asking you to come to school to handle your kid during her class, it sounds like there are more serious issues at play here.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Just my initial thoughts....
No outright specific judgement intended.
1. Don't yell at your child while on the field. Just don't. That does make you seem to be 'one of THOSE parents'. And, yes, that applies to practice, games, and at all times. You seem to be trying to justify. But really, that doesn't fly.
2. Ignore the other parent. Ignore them, for no other reason that because you do not have to pay attention to them... NOT because to engage would add to the drama and what transpires might not be family/DIS friendly.

The issue of another young child on the playing field is a whole nother animal.
The coaches and refs involved should not be allowing that, at all, for many many reasons.
Not just rule violations... But a def. safety issue.
That issue shoud also be brought up with the coaches and referees, perhaps after the fact... without engaging with another parent.

I also would not be apologizing to the other parent.
Why???
Rules of engagement, people.

 

[Klayfish]

I won't tell you not to yell at your kids, but I will tell you that most people do not want to hear it.

My oldest was in gymnastics for years. When he was younger, I used to holler to him to pay attention quite a bit. Then one day I realized that other kids goofed off and no one yelled at them. I tried to step out of myself and see what it seemed like from a different prospective, and I didn't like what I saw. After that, I talked to him after class if I felt it was necessary.

How to deal with the mom? I guess if she said something again, I'd apologize and say you're parenting the way you feel is appropriate (but really, I'd stop yelling).

I would say that's an "each to their own" situation. No disrespect meant whatsoever, but I'm honestly not concerned whether another parent wants to hear if I yell something to my kid in practice. Nor am I concerned if other kids are goofing off...that's between them and their parents. Yes, there are clearly lines to be drawn. Nobody wants a parent who yells non-stop all during practice, or gets downright mean. At the same time, I am fully in support of a parent who yells something to their kid in practice a time or two. If my kid is staring off into space, I would absolutely do what OP did. If someone else doesn't like it, sorry.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The coaches and assistants are there to manage and teach and look out for the kids...
That is why they are there...
Let them do their job.

They are not there to have a dozen other people who are 'THOSE parents' yelling, butting in, distracting, etc...
We all know the habit, urge, inclination, is there.... I think most of us understand that.
But, really..... Just don't.

If your child is simply not able to handle the situations, practices, etc... Then, perhaps they should not be there.
If the coaches and assistants are not doing their job, and/or do not seem to be able to handle the kids and keep them as focused and as safe as possible... then again, maybe that is not where you want to put your kid.

 

[Hikergirl]

I would say that's an "each to their own" situation. No disrespect meant whatsoever, but I'm honestly not concerned whether another parent wants to hear if I yell something to my kid in practice. Nor am I concerned if other kids are goofing off...that's between them and their parents. Yes, there are clearly lines to be drawn. Nobody wants a parent who yells non-stop all during practice, or gets downright mean. At the same time, I am fully in support of a parent who yells something to their kid in practice a time or two. If my kid is staring off into space, I would absolutely do what OP did. If someone else doesn't like it, sorry.

You are right to each their own, I would yell something to my kid- get your head in the game, glove down, things like that (and not at the t-ball level, I'm talking older kids).
However I would not choose to sternly hollar at him to discipline his behavior on the field, that would come after the practice/game.
I wouldn't embarrass him in front of everyone, and I wouldn't subject the other parents around me to my hollaring at him like that.
This was a t ball game of 3 and 4 year olds, nothing is going to that outfield, plus if it was a true t-ball then it wasn't a real baseball anyway, so it wasn't like his behavior put him in imminent danger.
Part of learning how to be safe, is playing and letting the coach do his job and teach about safety on the field at that age. It isnt about mom screaming at you from the stands.

 

[tvguy]

As a former Umpire, Coach and Little League board member I echo the "let the coach handle it" comments.

Most leagues forbid parents disciplining their children during a game or making negative comments about any player on either team.

Positive comments "nice effort Jimmy"....cheers and applause however are welcome.

 

[tazdev3225]

I coached t-ball for many years, when my kids were young and then for my grandkids. I have 2 grandsons who are on the spectrum and one has ADHD with the autism, one of the reasons I coached. I told parents from Day 1 if the kids learned how to not all chase the ball and cry if they didn't get it by the end of the season we accomplished something.

3 and 4 is a tough age to coach and that was my team every year. They will pick dandelions, chase butterflies or dogs and if the ice cream man comes all bets are off. One of my favorite pictures is 4 of my kids lying on the field in a circle staring at the clouds. OK, yes I did take the picture but then I told them we had to play ball. They all refused to go back on the field because the clouds were pretty. It was so much fun and I miss it.

I loved parent involvement but not them yelling at the kids and OP, I understand your reasons but it is actually distracting to the other kids. I agree with tvguy, reinforce the positives.