Kid and cell phones

[Darcy03231]

My kids got them when they went to middle school and started having more after school activities, so around 11-12.

 

[RangerPooh]

Our girls got them in 5th grade. We do monitor their data usage and they lose their phone if they go over. Our oldest is heavily involved with school organizations and both are active in Girl Scouts. All have group threads via text, Remind, or Group Me for planning events and working on group projects, so they do serve a practical purpose. Plus with the school being so far away it helps let them know when their grandparents (who run carpool) are running behind.

A coworker of mine just bought her 6th grader a "burner phone"; pay as you go flip phone. He was embarrassed by it at first but it serves the purpose. For games he has his ipad. A friend of mine switches her teens smart phone out for a burner flip phone when they go over their data or grades dip (rather than take it away entirely as they want them to still be accessible to mom and dad in an emergency).

 

[tvguy]

Our kids got cell phones when our oldest was 10 and our twins were 7. Glad we did it. They love YouTube, they watch that more than they do TV. We honestly don't monitor them all that close.

Wow. The only way my kids could go online was on the one computer in the house, in the family room, in plain view.
I worked graveyard, by wife worked days so one of us could always be at all their activities, so need there.
And needing one in class wasn't a thing yet when they were in school, and now with all the Federal grant money, the schools here all have I-Pads for all the students..

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

First, not looking for judgements or debates.

My DS is turning 10 in November. He keeps asking for a phone. I keep saying no. But I hear so many kids lately that have them. So it made me wonder...

When did your kids first get a cell phone or when are you planning to first get them one?

6th grade — when they started walking on their own to middle school — got it for a practical reason. I have a ton of parental controls on it and do check the phones periodically. They are not on social media.

 

[Klayfish]

Wow. The only way my kids could go online was on the one computer in the house, in the family room, in plain view.
I worked graveyard, by wife worked days so one of us could always be at all their activities, so need there.
And needing one in class wasn't a thing yet when they were in school, and now with all the Federal grant money, the schools here all have I-Pads for all the students..

We live in a different world then when we grew up. We've talked to the kids about internet dangers, but really don't feel we need to constantly watch what they're watching. Just not our style.

As someone brought up earlier, phones are being used now for school...a lot. Not only academics, but sports. Kids get "reminds" and such for school work on their phones, and all kinds of notices and alerts for sports practices, games, etc... Frankly, without their phones they'd be at a huge disadvantage.

 

[tvguy]

We live in a different world then when we grew up. We've talked to the kids about internet dangers, but really don't feel we need to constantly watch what they're watching. Just not our style.

As someone brought up earlier, phones are being used now for school...a lot. Not only academics, but sports. Kids get "reminds" and such for school work on their phones, and all kinds of notices and alerts for sports practices, games, etc... Frankly, without their phones they'd be at a huge disadvantage.

I guess. The high school my kids went to still ban them from the classroom during school hours. They have to be in their locker or car.

 

[wenrob]

When my twins (now 20) were 8 and in second grade, DH, due to his work schedule, would often be about five minutes or so late picking them up from school, and DD started having anxiety about it. We bought one Nokia phone so she could call DH if necessary, with rules about usage and her in charge of it (lol), and her anxiety immediately plummeted. And funny, she rarely called. But just knowing she could if she wanted to helped so much. Then she could enjoy a few mins on the playground after school with DS instead of standing there crying. They later got iPods, then eventually we all got IPhone 3GS's.

I remember these types of threads from ten years ago. This one seems similar where many people don't want their kids to start out too early with personal phones, and I can respect that. But I do think our world has changed a lot since then as far as technology goes. As some have already mentioned, there aren't too many land lines around anymore, assignments, grades, and things like activity scheduling and communication are often done online now, and there can certainly be safety issues that are legitimate concerns, such as being home alone, and ride pick up and such. And even when mine were in HS they were starting to use phones in the classroom. (Which was a big change even in the four years they were there.) I can only imagine how quickly things have been evolving over the last few years. I think I would want my children to be able to keep up and not be lost on using technology (like some of us old folks!).

But I think the thing that would really seal it for me was watching and reading stories of survivors of some of the school shootings (which, actually, could be anywhere) and how important their phones became at that point - literally a life line in talking to their families and getting instructions over Twitter on what to do, what was happening outside and how help was on the way, etc. I'll see if I can find the one story that stood out to me and if I can, I'll post it here. But ultimately, it's each family's choice on how they want to handle it.

ETA Here it is: https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/19/us/santa-fe-high-school-deedra-van-ness/index.html

When older DD was in grade school the schools here could ban cellphones. Not just for the kids but teachers as well. With the rise of school incidents a bunch of moms and teachers got together to fight that and won. So while technically they can tell the kids they can’t use their phones during school hours and that they must be shut off they can’t confiscate them simply for bringing them. Now the policy is left up to each individual teacher. The overwhelming majority incorporate them into the classroom in some fashion. For me, knowing they can call for help gives me a little bit of peace when I send them off every morning.

I have to say a surprise for me was that being able to use a phone in school has helped DS immensely. Like me he gets overwhelmed in loud, crowded rooms. Being able to put his earbuds in when he is done with his work has made a huge difference in his grades and attitude about school in general. He gets a break from the chaos that is middle school. Not all teachers allow it but just being able to do that at lunch gives him a little relief.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow. The only way my kids could go online was on the one computer in the house, in the family room, in plain view.
I worked graveyard, by wife worked days so one of us could always be at all their activities, so need there.
And needing one in class wasn't a thing yet when they were in school, and now with all the Federal grant money, the schools here all have I-Pads for all the students..

I’m a SAHM, there was no way I’d be sticking around for all of their activities! Dropped them off at gymnastics, dance, sports, music lessons - I think swimming and ice skating were the only ones I stuck around for. I live in a small (but high population) town, I was literally 5 minutes away at most. Ds19 was the oldest to get an iPhone (16). They did use them in school, and he was definitely teased (he’s very easy going so it didn’t bother him). He just wasn’t very responsible (but he got one junior year, and he still has it, and he’s a junior in college).

 

[Minnesota!]

Both got them in 5th grade - so 10. That was when I started letting them walk home alone. Older son might have been 9...but it has been so long that I can't recall.

 

[aprilgail]

Wow. The only way my kids could go online was on the one computer in the house, in the family room, in plain view.
I worked graveyard, by wife worked days so one of us could always be at all their activities, so need there.

No way would I want to have to had stuck around for all my daughters activities- play rehearsals were 3 times a week and ended when they got the scene right so anytime from 1-4 hours- I was not sitting around for that. Plus ice skating, soccer, and random other things.
I never monitored anything my daughter did online- I did have her facebook password when she was in grade school/jr. high and checked on there once or twice. She had an ipad in around 5th grade (they had just come out or she would have had it earlier I am sure) and a computer in her room from the time she was in kindergarten. I would walk into the room and she never would quickly close out a window when I did so I was not really worried about it. Plus she really didn't "live" on the computer, she was more often than not on her bed reading a book-she much preferred reading.

 

[Nettester]

Not judging anyone personally, just for the sake of discussion in general, I'm kind of surprised that so many people feel their kids need a phone because they are in activities. I have to wonder if we have lost the need to slow down a little. If soccer practice is scheduled from 5:00-7:00, but it happened to end at 6:30, I wouldn't see it as a big deal if my kid had to wait for her ride for 30 minutes, she would not melt. She can hang out, read, or talk to her friends. If I got there at 7:00, and practice ran a little late, it wouldn't bother me in the least to just wait. I can understand that there are sometimes exceptions to end times, but I can't believe so many organized activities go on with people have no idea when they will be done. What did we do back in the 1980's? Somehow we made it work, and there was never a long line of 30 kids waiting to use a school phone after practice either. A few maybe, but really, not that many people needed to communicate with their parents immediately. Why do we need to today?

I remember being in carpools when I was younger that worked just fine before cell phones. When I was older, I remember just being independent, walking home or riding my bike home from games and things (that was a small town, of course. But in the city we live in now, both my kids have been exposed to and learned to use public transit in their early teens) Or maybe catching a ride with a friend, or stopping at a friend's house sometimes on the way back from school or an after school activity and then just using their landline to check in and let my mom know where I was. We did a lot more communicating beforehand too, so before school I would just tell my mom, I'm going to the library after band practice. And she'd say, OK, be home by 6 for dinner. I knew I'd be walking home, or maybe if my friend Jane arranged to go to the library too, I could catch a ride home with her mom if she was being picked up. No need for a cell phone. I wore a watch. We used landlines at school and at businesses, but only very rarely if we really needed to. I find it hard to believe this kind of thing would never work today. Are we even willing to think outside the box? Have we just become a society used to instant everything and fear our children would be unsafe without a phone or constant supervision? Sure it's probably way less convenient than instant communication but I wonder if the benefits of kids not having their faces constantly glued to their phones or getting everything instantly might outweigh some convenience.

 

[tvguy]

No way would I want to have to had stuck around for all my daughters activities- play rehearsals were 3 times a week and ended when they got the scene right so anytime from 1-4 hours- I was not sitting around for that. Plus ice skating, soccer, and random other things.
I never monitored anything my daughter did online- I did have her facebook password when she was in grade school/jr. high and checked on there once or twice. She had an ipad in around 5th grade (they had just come out or she would have had it earlier I am sure) and a computer in her room from the time she was in kindergarten. I would walk into the room and she never would quickly close out a window when I did so I was not really worried about it. Plus she really didn't "live" on the computer, she was more often than not on her bed reading a book-she much preferred reading.

Different strokes I guess. My wife worked until 5 pm, didn't get to activities unitl 530-545 pm and to this day she still tells me how jealous is was, and is, that I was able to be at all the kids activites. My kids are 27 and 31 now and they both have said how much they appreciated it too.

 

[NHdisneylover]

FWIW, both my kids (and my 19 year old nephew ( who grew up with lots of access to cell phones and had their own at young ages back when it wasn't even common, are the types to use the phones as tools and cameras but also very happily put them away too . DN19 drives his parents nuts because he'll take off camping or hiking and not even take his phone, DS19 locks it in the safe on two week cruises and won't even use his free days of wifi or data Etc

I think a lot more than just age of access goes into whether or not kids are overly dependent on tech

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

I think my DD (11) is the only kid I know who DOESN'T want a phone. I asked her about it now that she is in middle school and likes to stay for after school activities and she said she didn't want to have to deal with one or the responsibility of keeping it safe. I still might give her one just so I can reach her if there is a delay in picking her up after school.

 

[mjkacmom]

Not judging anyone personally, just for the sake of discussion in general, I'm kind of surprised that so many people feel their kids need a phone because they are in activities. I have to wonder if we have lost the need to slow down a little. If soccer practice is scheduled from 5:00-7:00, but it happened to end at 6:30, I wouldn't see it as a big deal if my kid had to wait for her ride for 30 minutes, she would not melt. She can hang out, read, or talk to her friends. If I got there at 7:00, and practice ran a little late, it wouldn't bother me in the least to just wait. I can understand that there are sometimes exceptions to end times, but I can't believe so many organized activities go on with people have no idea when they will be done. What did we do back in the 1980's? Somehow we made it work, and there was never a long line of 30 kids waiting to use a school phone after practice either. A few maybe, but really, not that many people needed to communicate with their parents immediately. Why do we need to today?

I remember being in carpools when I was younger that worked just fine before cell phones. When I was older, I remember just being independent, walking home or riding my bike home from games and things (that was a small town, of course. But in the city we live in now, both my kids have been exposed to and learned to use public transit in their early teens) Or maybe catching a ride with a friend, or stopping at a friend's house sometimes on the way back from school or an after school activity and then just using their landline to check in and let my mom know where I was. We did a lot more communicating beforehand too, so before school I would just tell my mom, I'm going to the library after band practice. And she'd say, OK, be home by 6 for dinner. I knew I'd be walking home, or maybe if my friend Jane arranged to go to the library too, I could catch a ride home with her mom if she was being picked up. No need for a cell phone. I wore a watch. We used landlines at school and at businesses, but only very rarely if we really needed to. I find it hard to believe this kind of thing would never work today. Are we even willing to think outside the box? Have we just become a society used to instant everything and fear our children would be unsafe without a phone or constant supervision? Sure it's probably way less convenient than instant communication but I wonder if the benefits of kids not having their faces constantly glued to their phones or getting everything instantly might outweigh some convenience.

Kids have way more activities these days, do you have a child who later baseball? Did theater? My kids have been involved in a zillion activities, but these stand out as ones that never ended even close to on time. As for letting kids wait, my DH coached a zillion teams (tball, basketball, and countless soccer teams). You realize the coach has to wait when parents don’t show up. Back in my day we had landlines, should we have gone without because the previous generation managed without telephones? Maybe one could manage with just a couple of kids, having 5 kids with tons of activities would’ve been a nightmare without cellphones.

 

[Hikergirl]

My oldest got her first cell when she was very young, maybe around 8. It didn't have a number pad and parents programmed a few phone number in to it. I think she got a real phone when she was in 5th grade.
My other two were about the same, 5th or 6th grade. It was mainly because they were all involved in activities and I wanted them to be able to reach me, or vice versa. I was not gong to have them constantly use someone else' phone (this was before unlimited texting was the norm) and I wasn't going to make the coach or another parent wait around if I wasn't there.
It is a different world, I wasn't going to judge what my kids should or shouldn't have because I didn't have it because it didn't exist back then.

And no OP, watching Youtube doesn't end. My kids are 15, 18 and 20 and they still do.

 

[goofyintoronto]

My son is 18 now and got his first phone at the age of 8 or 9 I believe. I needed to reach him when he was at his dads place. Otherwise he wouldn't have had a phone until much later. And yes kids nowadays have phones at a much younger age.

 

[Colleen27]

The summer between 5th and 6th grades. It wasn't so much a conscious decision about the right age as a matter of when having a phone became more practical than not having one.

My oldest went to public school and 6th grade is when busing ends, sports shift from parent-run rec programs to school leagues with buses to games/practices after school, and the kids start doing more without constant adult presence. So we got him a phone so he could keep us apprised on the changing after-school plans, call if a practice was canceled for weather or an away game ran late, etc. Then we moved our younger two to private school when middle child was starting 6th grade and got her a phone almost immediately because suddenly her activities and friendships were no longer centered around our neighborhood or our little town. Now the youngest is in 5th grade, and she'll get a phone this summer because middle child is a senior and this is the last year of having her home to walk to/from school and be home with the youngest if I'm in the office. We don't have a landline, so with DD17 leaving for college next summer and DS20 working and going to school, I'll want DD10 to have her own phone to keep in touch if no one else is around.

As far as the YouTube question, point out to your son that data is a finite resource. My youngest had been asking for a phone so she could watch YouTube when away from the house, but abandoned that campaign when I pointed out that I almost never let her use my phone that way because of how much data it uses. We have an unlimited plan that throttles after a certain point, and she's experienced first-hand the fact that once you hit that point, streaming anything becomes nearly impossible. So when she realized a phone isn't a 24/7 ticket to YouTube without restrictions, it became far less appealing. (And if DD17 and DS20 are any indication, the YouTube phase doesn't actually go away but it does get a little less annoying - DD's room looks like Pinterest exploded mostly due to YouTube tutorials, and DS20 is constantly sharing some random science video or another with me! Both are far better than the slime-making and Minecraft tutorials DD10 likes)

 

[FlightlessDuck]

We got our daughter a cell phone when she started walking home from the bus by herself to a house where nobody would be home for an hour or so. In our case, that was fifth grade. At the time, she had a "feature phone" (this was 2006). I don't think either child got a smartphone until their mid teens.

And then our son got his first phone in fifth grade as well, to follow precedent. His was a "feature phone" too.

 

[Kingdome8]

We went with 13. As she was starting to babysit. We didn’t allow snap until 15.
Of course that’s all they do now. Also we don’t have a home line. So if she is home alone with my younger kids she would need it as well. But once there in they are on.

Now that school is back in and started high school we take it away at 930 every night.