Kid and cell phones

[wenrob]

Not judging anyone personally, just for the sake of discussion in general, I'm kind of surprised that so many people feel their kids need a phone because they are in activities. I have to wonder if we have lost the need to slow down a little. If soccer practice is scheduled from 5:00-7:00, but it happened to end at 6:30, I wouldn't see it as a big deal if my kid had to wait for her ride for 30 minutes, she would not melt. She can hang out, read, or talk to her friends. If I got there at 7:00, and practice ran a little late, it wouldn't bother me in the least to just wait. I can understand that there are sometimes exceptions to end times, but I can't believe so many organized activities go on with people have no idea when they will be done. What did we do back in the 1980's? Somehow we made it work, and there was never a long line of 30 kids waiting to use a school phone after practice either. A few maybe, but really, not that many people needed to communicate with their parents immediately. Why do we need to today?

I remember being in carpools when I was younger that worked just fine before cell phones. When I was older, I remember just being independent, walking home or riding my bike home from games and things (that was a small town, of course. But in the city we live in now, both my kids have been exposed to and learned to use public transit in their early teens) Or maybe catching a ride with a friend, or stopping at a friend's house sometimes on the way back from school or an after school activity and then just using their landline to check in and let my mom know where I was. We did a lot more communicating beforehand too, so before school I would just tell my mom, I'm going to the library after band practice. And she'd say, OK, be home by 6 for dinner. I knew I'd be walking home, or maybe if my friend Jane arranged to go to the library too, I could catch a ride home with her mom if she was being picked up. No need for a cell phone. I wore a watch. We used landlines at school and at businesses, but only very rarely if we really needed to. I find it hard to believe this kind of thing would never work today. Are we even willing to think outside the box? Have we just become a society used to instant everything and fear our children would be unsafe without a phone or constant supervision? Sure it's probably way less convenient than instant communication but I wonder if the benefits of kids not having their faces constantly glued to their phones or getting everything instantly might outweigh some convenience.

Ever watch The Goldbergs? There’s an episode where Adam and Murray go to a game and Adam has to use the restroom. Every one they go to is disgusting and Adam can’t “perform.” Murray gets fed up and sends him off on his own. Adam gets turned around in the craziness of the stadium and security won’t let Murray look on different levels. They spend the rest of the game trying to find each other and only manage to do so when they meet up at the car an hour or two later. Their reunion was pretty emotional. *That’s* what we did in the 80’s. Sure, we were okay but it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Speaking for myself I had more than a few iffy situations as a teen and young adult where having a phone would have come in handy and made it easier to get out of them.

We live in a different world now. When is the last time you saw a working payphone or went into a business where they’d actually let you use the phone? I don’t know anyone in my age bracket or younger who has a landline. To be honest I don’t even know where outlets for a landline in my home would be. I could argue that my kids are more independent and have more freedom *because* they have phones. There’s nothing wrong with me knowing where they are or their ability to get ahold of me if need be.

 

[gotomu212]

Not judging anyone personally, just for the sake of discussion in general, I'm kind of surprised that so many people feel their kids need a phone because they are in activities. I have to wonder if we have lost the need to slow down a little. If soccer practice is scheduled from 5:00-7:00, but it happened to end at 6:30, I wouldn't see it as a big deal if my kid had to wait for her ride for 30 minutes, she would not melt. She can hang out, read, or talk to her friends. If I got there at 7:00, and practice ran a little late, it wouldn't bother me in the least to just wait. I can understand that there are sometimes exceptions to end times, but I can't believe so many organized activities go on with people have no idea when they will be done. What did we do back in the 1980's? Somehow we made it work, and there was never a long line of 30 kids waiting to use a school phone after practice either. A few maybe, but really, not that many people needed to communicate with their parents immediately. Why do we need to today?

I remember being in carpools when I was younger that worked just fine before cell phones. When I was older, I remember just being independent, walking home or riding my bike home from games and things (that was a small town, of course. But in the city we live in now, both my kids have been exposed to and learned to use public transit in their early teens) Or maybe catching a ride with a friend, or stopping at a friend's house sometimes on the way back from school or an after school activity and then just using their landline to check in and let my mom know where I was. We did a lot more communicating beforehand too, so before school I would just tell my mom, I'm going to the library after band practice. And she'd say, OK, be home by 6 for dinner. I knew I'd be walking home, or maybe if my friend Jane arranged to go to the library too, I could catch a ride home with her mom if she was being picked up. No need for a cell phone. I wore a watch. We used landlines at school and at businesses, but only very rarely if we really needed to. I find it hard to believe this kind of thing would never work today. Are we even willing to think outside the box? Have we just become a society used to instant everything and fear our children would be unsafe without a phone or constant supervision? Sure it's probably way less convenient than instant communication but I wonder if the benefits of kids not having their faces constantly glued to their phones or getting everything instantly might outweigh some convenience.

I was a kid that waited back in the day. Here’s what’s different for our kids that makes waiting hard
1. Activities are a lot later. I was never sitting outside a school/field in the dark. Even in 3rd grade there were activities at 8 pm in the winter that’s DARK.
2. If an activity got over early all of us were sitting around waiting together, ow most of the kids are calling parents and so it’s not you with 10 friends waiting, it’s you alone.
3. When I was younger my activities were almost all within a mile. I would just walk home afterwards. Now my son’s school is 5 miles away, his activities are all 4-15 miles away. So not only are they unwalkable they are often in somewhat unfamiliar areas. Honestly there was nowhere “unsafe” in my waiting, my son has a tennis clinic in a pretty rotten neighbor. It’s not a safe place to sit with a book for an hour.
4. I also wasn’t in near the number of activities my son is and my parents lives were slower. So them showing up 30 minutes early when riding ran late wasn’t a huge deal. I can’t spend 30 minutes 4 nights a week waiting for a late ending though. I think BECAUSE most kids are connected now coaches and teachers let things run over more. Drama is the worst-I have yet to meet a play director that ends on time, plus they release kids as their scenes are done. Most of his sports now finish when the match or scrimmage ends, even at school he stays after multiple times to help out and the school doesn’t have buses.

This is just what our family experiences and why we think of phones as a need, but every family’s situation is different.

 

[ShayBells]

Wow this response has been great! Thank you everyone! I love seeing how different people parent and I honestly believe no one is right or wrong in this scenario (though I have seen lots of fighting on the internet that I don't understand). I do however love to hear the reasons why people do and don't. It helps me to understand my own reservations more and how I might be worrying over nothing. But again thank you everyone for your responses. Do I have any answers for myself yet? Nope. I think I might put a pin in it for now and wait for November and decide cause it would definitely be a birthday or Christmas present if I were to do it this year, if not I will reassess next year.

I downloaded an app called “Our Pact” that lets me restrict certain apps/internet/messaging remotely from my phone. I love it!

This sounds good. I like this thought. Definitely will look into it. Thanks!

Our kids got cell phones when our oldest was 10 and our twins were 7. Glad we did it. They love YouTube, they watch that more than they do TV. We honestly don't monitor them all that close.

DS watches only YouTube. He doesn't watch TV really unless it's a movie. I probably worry too much about it. It's not that I don't trust him, but I do know that my DS is a very curious kid and even when I am watching videos the suggested videos kinda take a turn for the worse and I can picture him clicking things out of curiosity. But I probably worry too much. Thanks for your post.

My brother just graduated HS and said similar things about how phones were frequently used in the classroom. Honestly, that will probably be the biggest reason we may decide to let her have one in HS, but we will have to see when the time comes. I know in middle school around here (earlier for some districts- it was a requirement for my brother to have a laptop in 5th grade- 8 yrs ago), computers will become more of a necessity for many homework assignments, so hopefully we will have a new one by then and can let her use this one when she needs it. We play loads of (non-tech based) educational games and activities at home. She spends so much of her school day in front of a screen (they do a lot of their work on the school's chromebooks), that I feel she needs a break from it at home. I know technology is a huge part of society, but I wish it wasn't as prevalent as it is in schools, where a cell phone has become almost a necessity in order to simply be a student. I know there are pros and cons to everything, and I'm not wishing to start a debate with anyone about it. Personally, I just don't see a reason for my kids to have cell phones until they are much, much older.

I do agree with you, sometimes it's way too much. It's why I have a hard rule about no iPad outside. I encourage him to get outside and do something that is not staring at a screen or even doing educational stuff on a screen. A break is definitely what the kids need sometimes.

I guess. The high school my kids went to still ban them from the classroom during school hours. They have to be in their locker or car.

The school DS attends put out a notice I believe last year if not the year before. All cell phones must be turned off, no exceptions. Now DS takes his iPad to school for his 20 minute bus ride (we live in the next town over) and they do let him use it during inside recess, which kinda shocks me, but doesn't necessarily bother me.

My son is 18 now and got his first phone at the age of 8 or 9 I believe. I needed to reach him when he was at his dads place. Otherwise he wouldn't have had a phone until much later. And yes kids nowadays have phones at a much younger age.

This is one of my reasons for me wanting to break and give him one. He only goes with his dad a couple hours one day a week, but I would feel a world better if he had one during that time.



Thanks again everyone!

 

[snoodledoo]

Our golden age for getting a cell phone was at the beginning of high school (9th grade).

 

[goofyintoronto]

This is one of my reasons for me wanting to break and give him one. He only goes with his dad a couple hours one day a week, but I would feel a world better if he had one during that time.

Yep. I got sick of my ex rushing our convo's (claiming he had an important call to make) so I felt that getting my DS a cell was the best solution. Back then he went to his dads three times per week.

 

[Southernmiss]

By high school the teachers used texting app to text kids their homework reminders, dates of tests and anything else they needed to know about the class- can't imagine a kid not having a cell phone by high school and what they do if they don't. All the clubs also use text to let kids know club meeting dates/times/locations. And in class the teachers would often have them take out their phones to look things up online.
By Jr. High all the kids made plans by group text- I know my daughters friend was one of the only kids that did not have a phone in Jr/ High in their group and she was eft out of many things because they simply forgot to let her know because they are all so used to just texting.
In grade school some of their homework was done on the computer so if they didn't have one they had to go to the public library and use theirs. My daughter is 18 now but from the time she was little (like 2-3) I would get her educational games and she would play on the computer.

Every bit of this.

My kids started basic computer games like JumpStart preschool at age 3 or 4. These days kids are expected to start kindergarten with basic computer knowledge. Sis in law talks about having to catch up kindergarten kids the first 2 weeks of school who don't have basic computer skills. They enter school behind the curve.

Electronics today are tools to use for education. I couldn't imagine saying 'Regular pencils were good enough for me in school, so I'm not buying my kid a mechanical pencil.'

 

[Southernmiss]

I was a worrier and a nervous kid. So many times I've thought that I could have functioned so much easier and stepped out of my comfort zone if I knew I had a way to call my parents or for help.

I am so wishing I could have gone off to college with my kids today-private baths, cell phones for the drive up and use any time would have made things much easier on me.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I was a worrier and a nervous kid. So many times I've thought that I could have functioned so much easier and stepped out of my comfort zone if I knew I had a way to call my parents or for help.

I am so wishing I could have gone off to college with my kids today-private baths, cell phones for the drive up and use any time would have made things much easier on me.

My oldest was always really anxious. Knowing there was a cell phone in a pocket that could be used to call me if something happened made it possible for that kid to enjoy going to a friend's house or on a field trip instead of freaking out. That was a HUGE thing for us.

 

[Tigger in a kilt]

My 9 year old niece got my old iPhone 7 the day her parents split up, when she was 8 years and 11 months. There were some issues and we wanted to make sure that she could be tracked if she was with her father. She doesn’t see him now, but it feels mean to ask for it back. She is not allowed to take it to school or to friends’ houses. I doubt my sister would have bought her one if I hadn’t offered my old one (it wasn’t really top of her mind that day), and she certainly would not have got such a recent model if it was being bought specifically for her. However, it was a big relief for all of us in the first few weeks to know she could be tracked and also call if she was unhappy.

Her mum checks her messages every day, and she is only allowed to text or call a few family members and one friend. If she steps out of line, her mum will absolutely take it off her. She understands it’s a privilege.

My 14 year old niece saved up for 18 months and bought an iPhone for herself with birthday money just after her 13th birthday. She pays for her own bills too. Her parents aren’t big fans of smartphones and she really wanted one, so that was the compromise, and it seems to be working well.

 

[mjkacmom]

I was a worrier and a nervous kid. So many times I've thought that I could have functioned so much easier and stepped out of my comfort zone if I knew I had a way to call my parents or for help.

I am so wishing I could have gone off to college with my kids today-private baths, cell phones for the drive up and use any time would have made things much easier on me.

Both dd22 and ds20 had the same type dorms as I did, bathrooms down the hall.

 

[tvguy]

Both dd22 and ds20 had the same type dorms as I did, bathrooms down the hall.

My son did too, but he went to the same college I did and they haven't build a new dorm there in about 50 years. The one he and I lived in was built in 1923

My daughter went to Cal State Monterey which took over the old Ford Ord Army base. Her dorm was the old officers quarters. She had it easy, a bathroom between every 2 rooms, so they were only 4 people per bathroom. If you had a room that housed 3 people, it had it's own bathroom

 

[OhDannyBoy]

I'd imagine by the time my 2 year old get into school, her kindergarten art projects will need to be texted to her teachers and she will be scheduling her own playdates via text.

As much as I won't want to, I can't imagine not getting her a phone by the time she is like 8ish. There will be monitoring and restrictions galore for sure.

It's a weird world we live in where everyone needs to be connected to people miles away while ignoring the ones right in front of them, but it is what it is. No use fighting the times right?

 

[Southernmiss]

Both dd22 and ds20 had the same type dorms as I did, bathrooms down the hall.

Yes, they do still exist, but are going away quickly. As many of the old buildings on my kid's 2 different campuses have been torn down recently.

All of the new dorms going up are shared by 2 students with a private bath.

It was obvious when oldest ds moved to college in 2012. He was in a new honors dorm because of his scholarship. Our niece who decided late to attend the same college moved in the same afternoon after ds moved in in the morning. Hers was an old dorm, cinder block walls, and shared bathrooms down the hall. It was a stark contrast. Like we walked back in time.

That was 2012 and her dorm is no longer used in favor of the new dorms recently built.

Of course, there is a price difference. Our kids were required to live on campus the first year, but moved off campus into much cheaper accomadations after.

But the private baths were not even an option back in the day.

I just think it would have made my transition much easier.

 

[cinnaminny]

First, not looking for judgements or debates.

My DS is turning 10 in November. He keeps asking for a phone. I keep saying no. But I hear so many kids lately that have them. So it made me wonder...

When did your kids first get a cell phone or when are you planning to first get them one?

My two older kids (who are 23 and 24) had cell phones from Jr Year and Sr year. Now this was 5+ years ago, not quite the same as today. My youngest son has a cellphone and got it when he was 11. He barely used it, and mostly got it for my benefit. He uses it more now at 13, but not as much as my other kids (who are still on my phone plan lol)

 

[Southernmiss]

I'd imagine by the time my 2 year old get into school, her kindergarten art projects will need to be texted to her teachers and she will be scheduling her own playdates via text.

As much as I won't want to, I can't imagine not getting her a phone by the time she is like 8ish. There will be monitoring and restrictions galore for sure.

It's a weird world we live in where everyone needs to be connected to people miles away while ignoring the ones right in front of them, but it is what it is. No use fighting the times right?[/QUOTE]

There are many ways to allow your kids to use technology and keep traditional communication with others.

No phones at dinner. Standing rule at our house. Talking about our days and events in our lives still happens as much if not more than back in the day.

Moderation and parent guidance is key.

No need to go all one way or the other.

 

[Poohforyou]

First, not looking for judgements or debates.

My DS is turning 10 in November. He keeps asking for a phone. I keep saying no. But I hear so many kids lately that have them. So it made me wonder...

When did your kids first get a cell phone or when are you planning to first get them one?

My daughter got her 1st phone just before middle school. She'd be riding the bus and going into an empty house so i wanted her to have it for my piece of mind, not her enjoyment. It wasn't a smart phone. She got her 1st smart phone in 8th grade as her Christmas present.

Personally I never gave into the "but everyone has it" pleas. It never worked for me growing up.

 

[bushdianee]

No kids of my own but have nieces and nephews. My 12yo niece got one in 4th grade. It is an old Iphone5. She transferred schools and had a 30 minute bus ride requiring interstate travel. After the bus being over an hour and a half late a couple of times and DB not having any way to communicate with her or get answers from the transportation department he got her the phone with pay as you go service. He does 30 minutes at a time. She can text and he checks her phone periodically. My nephew who is almost 11 has been begging for a phone for his birthday. DSis drives him to and from school and he doesn't participate in any extra activities so she says MAYBE next year as he will be riding a bus to middle school. He did ride a bus this past summer for summer school and the bus was involved in an accident. DSis spent an hour and a half not knowing where her son was. We had heard about the accident on the radio and a reporter at the scene told her that the kids had been taken to 2 hospitals. DSis and DBIL had to find out on their own which he had been taken to. Luckily all the kids and driver were ok, but him having a phone would have saved a lot of stress and worry. (The principal finally called her as she was pulling into the hospital.) The 8 yo niece wants one but DSis says not until middle school. Again she is driven to and from school, the ice rink and dance lessons.

 

[Dznypal]

My DH is a teacher. A few years ago he taught K4. One of the kids was a real hand full. Her mom asked DH how her Dd was that day. DH said not too good. He told the mother what her DD was and was not doing she looked at her DD and said if your not good you won't your cell phone what id like to know is why does a 4 year old need a cell phone

 

[Southernmiss]

My DH is a teacher. A few years ago he taught K4. One of the kids was a real hand full. Her mom asked DH how her Dd was that day. DH said not too good. He told the mother what her DD was and was not doing she looked at her DD and said if your not good you won't your cell phone what id like to know is why does a 4 year old need a cell phone

Very young children I've seen with parent's old cell phones are playing games on them.

 

[aprilgail]

My DH is a teacher. A few years ago he taught K4. One of the kids was a real hand full. Her mom asked DH how her Dd was that day. DH said not too good. He told the mother what her DD was and was not doing she looked at her DD and said if your not good you won't your cell phone what id like to know is why does a 4 year old need a cell phone

We had a spare cell phone that I used to send with gram when she went out to the mall so she could call me for a ride home and I would give it to my daughter starting in kindergarten when I dropped her for playdates if she wanted to get a hold of me- it was not a "smart" phone but she could shoot me a text if she needed to reach me.