Did you ever "break up" with your family?

[notatallmagic]

We no longer speak to my sister-in-law, we refer to her as the Evil One, and the moniker is well earned. I always tell people, if you don't have lawyers involved, things aren't that bad, that's how things ended within the family when my Mother-in-law passed away. Money does awful things to people.

On my side, I have not spoken or seen my father in 25 plus years, I have no clue if he is alive or dead. It is a long, sad story.

I agree. Money does awful things to people.

Two sisters - one an active addict and the other who has been hateful her entire life. When our mother was dying, it was horrifying to see what they were capable of. When our mother was in the hospital, I was told to immediately file for guardianship by the hospital, since the staff was worried that my sisters were a danger to my mom. I was already mom's POA, so we ended up in court briefly, and I was granted guardianship. Their "testimony" in court was so bizarre and evil, that once my mom died (thank God she never realized what had happened), we haven't spoken since.

It's much easier to love some people from a distance, and forgive them so you can have peace IF you don't have to be around them. I feel as if my sisters are dead, and that's better for me and my family. Best wishes to you. I know it's hard.

 

[belleatdisney]

Mom and sister for years. My brother and I never got along but we would be in the same room occasionally for holidays. That also ended when I stopped seeing my mother for forced holiday l Some people are so toxic it is impossible to have any relationship with them.
It is fine, I don’t go to weddings or funerals (which is a bit upsetting). Other than that it is a relief to be out of the constant drama.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I told my husband pre-COVID his toxic sister is no longer welcome to use our home as her free hotel when she’s in the area. I hadn’t even left the hospital with our new baby when she informed me that she wasn’t interested in him and had decided to focus all her efforts on my 3 nieces. She proceeded to do as she said, including bringing gifts for the girls back from her frequent travels and showing us and my son what she bought, with nothing for him all his life. That wasn’t the worst of it, but it’s an easy example of her actively treating him as lesser. Fast forward and the kids are all now in their 20s. My son is the success of the group, and she wants to have a relationship with him and visit him in NYC. He is not interested. I never said a word against her in front of him, he saw how she treated him over the years and decided on his own she’s a piece of work.

She hasn’t yet realized she’s not welcome, when she wanted to set up a visit this Spring my husband used COVID as an excuse. I’ve put up with her for almost 30 years, and I’m flat out done with the stress and anguish having her in my home causes.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I told my husband pre-COVID his toxic sister is no longer welcome to use our home as her free hotel when she’s in the area. I hadn’t even left the hospital with our new baby when she informed me that she wasn’t interested in him and had decided to focus all her efforts on my 3 nieces. She proceeded to do as she said, including bringing gifts for the girls back from her frequent travels and showing us and my son what she bought, with nothing for him all his life. That wasn’t the worst of it, but it’s an easy example of her actively treating him as lesser. Fast forward and the kids are all now in their 20s. My son is the success of the group, and she wants to have a relationship with him and visit him in NYC. He is not interested. I never said a word against her in front of him, he saw how she treated him over the years and decided on his own she’s a piece of work.

She hasn’t yet realized she’s not welcome, when she wanted to set up a visit this Spring my husband used COVID as an excuse. I’ve put up with her for almost 30 years, and I’m flat out done with the stress and anguish having her in my home causes.

It's good you are finally putting your foot down. She seems like someone that is very accustomed to using people for her benefit.

 

[jaiminee krikit]

Yes. With my mom when I was 19. She didn't like the young man I was dating, she wouldn't even let me talk to him on the phone, but my 17 year old sister was allowed to have her older boyfriend over, alone in her bedroom with the door locked. One day I went to work and never came home. She came to my work the next day and took my car keys. I didn't talk to her for 4 months, until my closest cousin passed away. He and his mother had gotten into an argument and stopped speaking before he died, and she told me at his wake to talk to my mother or I might regret it forever. As we were all leaving, I turned to my mom and we just hugged each other. We still don't get along, but we can tolerate each other.
And Christmas of 2019 I stopped talking to DH's family. There has always been tension there, and when family Christmas was planned without our input, I walked away. There was a lot building up to that, but I won't get into all that.

 

[CynBeth]

I have no relationship with DH’s family. They do not like that I am a different religion and many horrible things were said mostly by his mother and late stepfather early on. We sat down with them to discuss their behavior but they did not want to believe they did anything wrong and put it all on us that we were too sensitive, etc. We do go to his family’s Christmas and Easter dinners even though I hate being there since it is important to him. He feels he should call his mom every now and then and either sends a card or calls on her birthday and Mother’s Day. The only time she calls him is when she needs him to help her with something. She is a piece of work. Besides what I mentioned before if he sends a card and it arrives late instead of being thankful to even get a card she calls to complain that it was late. The little bit she does see him either on the holidays or when he comes over to help her with something or gives her a ride to a doctor visit she always complains about something he did that she did not like or something he did not do or wish he had or that we never invite her over instead of being thankful and appreciating when she does see him or us. She has spread rumors about us to the other family members such as that he is converting to my religion just because she does not like that he does anything to celebrate any of my holidays or prior to COVID would attend services with me now and then and I can’t remember the other untrue things she said about us. When he was in the hospital 5 years ago he was there a week and was home a day and went back in with a blood clot and infection and was there 3 weeks. I was glad she only came a few times because she drove me nuts. She is very involved in her church where she is on different committees and also involved in her community and has a lot of friends and would complain how inconvenient it was for her that he was there at that time or the machines made too much noise for her, etc.

Unfortunately I do not have much family. I am an only child the same with my DM as was my late DF. My grandparents, great aunts and uncles and cousins are all gone. We don’t have kids just our dog. No matter what I am so lucky that I found my DH he is the most wonderful person. Even before COVID I would try to look at the positives every day even things most people take for granted and be thankful.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Had to cut ties and I still cry about it, but not because I miss THEM I just wish I had stuff I didn't get, not in the cards - so be it. Thing is wanting and trying to create a loving situation doesn't make a thing real, but for some people it's tough to see it, wish I had seen it younger. I think the people who can cut off family at 18 are amazing heros to themselves, wish I had been so aware Some kids have imaginary friends and I now think that as I grew older I wanted normal so much that I sort of created an imaginary family, the one I loved in my head was nothing like reality. Must be 17 years in my rearview & I am stronger now.

Lately, I've been wondering how much less demand for AA and NA etc. there would be if there was some sort of group for people to connect with that just embraced the reality that lots of humans suck and if they have working parts they can end up as parents. Being unloved doesn't mean you are unloveable, it may just mean a horrible human decided to procreate. Not all parents love their kids and it's wrong to try and call whatever it is love, that's where all the cycles start that land people in AA etc .

I saw a few images of people who go to gay rights parades and offer hugs as surrogate family to rejected kids & adults, maybe there doesn't need to be a parade and maybe we can try to do it for everyone.

 

[connorlevismom]

My brother and I have not spoken in 15 years. I come from a very large family and he is just not a nice guy, so I want nothing to do with him.

 

[tinkerdorabelle]

My brother broke up with our entire family 6 years and broke my mom’s heart. I was never a big fan of his, so I was not upset about this for me, but I’m still very angry with what he did to my mom. Because of this, when the day comes that my mom passes away, him and his wife will not be allowed to attend the wake or funeral - I will leave a picture of them both with the funeral director. If he refuses to leave the police will be called. I will not allow him to ease any guilt he may have by crying over my mother’s casket. He chose to cut us out of his life so he can live with that decision. My mother knows what I will do at her wake or funeral and she understands. In my opinion, I am now an only child.

I had issues with my one sibling brother also so I get it. Also my father. BUT not sure how calling the police would work as he has a right to go to the funeral? even if you feel unfair I would think.

 

[tinkerdorabelle]

...

 

[crazymomof4]

I had issues with my one sibling brother also so I get it. Also my father. BUT not sure how calling the police would work as he has a right to go to the funeral? even if you feel unfair I would think.

I don't have a background in law, but recalling what's often been said about WDW having the right to enforce restrictions because it's private property....
I would guess that the owners of the funeral home would have the choice and the power to enforce the wishes of their customers: the family members who arranged and paid for the funeral. I would guess that those "hosting" the funeral (the family member or members who signed the contract with the funeral director) would have the say as to who may attend, much like a wedding. I would think no one technically has "the right" to attend a paid-for event held on private property.
Just my initial thoughts. Others with more knowledge on this may have better insight.

 

[mom2rb]

My mother was a addicted to drugs my entire life. When I was pregnant I told her to get a 6 month NA chip if she wanted to see the babies. They were 22 when she died, they saw her once at my uncle’s funeral. I put up with it my entire life because what kind of monster doesn’t love their mom? When I was pregnant I started to feel sick every time I thought of her hold one of my boys.

I also have a cousin that I was very close to until she took out student loans in her children’s names to pay off her credit card debt. I was so disgusted that I cut all ties with her but am still close with her kids.

 

[Gary Stocker]

I am in the midst of a potential breakup with one of my sisters and it is due to over the top political fervor for "a former president who shall not be named".
I am ok with opposing political opinions. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, as long as it stays polite and doesn't get personal. Before the "breaking point" we would joke around about it since all of us can probably agree that politicians in the end only care about their own power or for whomever made the largest donations to his or her campaign.
Well, Covid 19 hit and, at a party where there was some imbibement, all of a sudden her husband (my brother in law) started going on about the "plandemic", etc, etc, conspiracy theories. etc.
My wife was/is a nurse whose unit was transformed into a Covid unit and at the apex of this pandemic saw a lot of people dying, on ventilators, all alone, and would come home crying. I don't know how she did it...so when I called him out on his ramblings and asked if my wife was part of this conspiracy it just devolved from there. So, it became personal and I will have a hard time getting past it. A few days later I got an angry text from my sister defending him and that was the nail in the coffin. Perhaps when all of this blows over we can try to hang/talk... but for now I am keeping far far away.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I also have a cousin that I was very close to until she took out student loans in her children’s names to pay off her credit card debt. I was so disgusted that I cut all ties with her but am still close with her kids.

I had a coworker whose father stole her SSN when she was a few years old and racked up a bunch of debt. When I met her she was in her late 20s and was still fighting trying to clear her name and it had messed with so much of her life. Needless to say she cut off her father from her life and hasn't looked back.

 

[snapppyd]

In my case I saw a family member post on FB that his wife was cheating on him. Fast forward, his wife called me and explained what had been going on with them for years. She is an in-law to my family.

My sisters stopped speaking to me because they think I 'sided' with her over my nephew. There was never a physical affair, he was jealous of her having an online relationship with someone from HS. They are in their late '40's now.

I understand, in a way, why his mother is mad at me (her sons can do no wrong). I think my other sister somehow used this as an excuse for all the things she has always held against me - I'm the youngest and she loves to play "poor misunderstood middle child".