Duggars, Tim Gunn, Tiger Woods & now --> Paula Deen part 2...just posted!

[FoodLover]

That's a lot of look.

Oh well, carry on.

 

[Chellymouse]

This is the funniest thing I've seen all day! After the day I had, I needed it! This is fabulous! The nice thing is...since they don't believe in the internet....none of us has to worry about them checking this out!

 

[Chellymouse]

Tim Gunn, in an effort to bring a little style to a land filled with Crocs, wants to visit Disney World for a long weekend (he's very busy, people!). He prefers mild temps so as not to get sweaty in his ubiquitous suit and will bring his closest female friend to enjoy the time with him. The maximum amount of fancy in 3 days is required for his itinerary.

My thoughts:

Hey, Tim! Believe it or not, Disney World can be done in a pretty fancy way so we'll see if we can find something suitable enough for Mr. Erudite himself (I just learned the word "erudite" and feel it's a good time to break it out).

When to go? Assuming your 3 days needs to span a weekend, I'm going to suggest going November 5, 6 and 7 (Friday - Monday). At this time, all the kids who were there for Halloween festivities have left, the temps are nice and mild and the Food and Wine Festival is still going on at EPCOT.

Friday - After you arrive at MCO, have your driver take you to the Grand Floridian where you'll stay for your trip. There's no fancier hotel on site and it's the place you'll look least crazy wearing your suit.

After check-in, ride the monorail over to the Magic Kingdom where you'll have a late lunch at Cinderella's Royal Table which is inside the castle. Royalty is fancy!

When you're finished at the castle, walk toward the Tomorrowland Transit Authority (sometimes called the "People Mover") for a very laid back and gentle ride that will allow you to view many of the rides without having to wait in the nasty lines and crouch in weird positions like the peasants. Trying to keep it classy and avoid awkwardness here, Tim.

Walk over to ride It's a Small World which is another nice, long ride inside. Lots of cultures represented here. Being around other cultures is classy.

So far you've mostly ridden in vehicles of various types to keep it easy breezy in your 3-piece suit so let's keep that theme going and board the train at the back of the park and ride it to the front of the park. After all of that eating and sitting, it is time. to. go. Ride the monorail or boat back to your hotel.

I would tell you to get yourself dressed for the evening's activities but you already are! At 5:30, you will go to Victoria and Albert's which is a restaurant right at your hotel where you'll be a guest at the chef's table. Butler service, personalized menus and lots and lots of courses of small food will be planned for the evening. Small portions of food is the definition of fancy. Nice way to finish your first day.

What a day! You need to get your beauty sleep for even more types of fancy for Saturday.

Saturday is EPCOT day. Have your driver take you to the front gate of EPCOT (because we know you would most definitely look like a crazy person wearing that suit on a bus). In the Future World part of EPCOT, you'll probably find several things to your liking. The Seas is great for viewing creatures of...uhhh...the seas. If you're feeling particularly childlike, you may also wish to catch Turtle Talk with Crush because it's a pretty lovely show each time.

Everybody loves Soarin'. Be sure to do that. While you're there, try the Living with the Land tour to see where the fancy people's food originates.

The back of EPCOT has the World Showcase and not only is it very cultural but the Food and Wine Festival is going on which is EVEN BETTER. Also? Jon Secada. He will be performing. Take your time, eat some fancy foods and drink some fancy drinks from other cultures. It's sure to be lovely. If you're able to view Illuminations that night (which takes place on the water in the World Showcase at night), grab a seat in the Italy section for prime viewing.

One day left....

Sunday, the last day of this long weekend trip. I'm going to have you go to Animal Kingdom for a little while (skipping The Studios completely because, for you, it would be a whooooole lot of nonsense). At Animal Kingdom, check the schedule for the Lion King and Finding Nemo shows. They are fantastic. If you're feeling like your frocks and hair are up to it, be sure to try the Kilimanjaro Safari which will take you out to see the animals. Pro tip: don't get verklempt when they say the bridge is breaking. It's pretend!

Have your driver take you to Downtown Disney where you'll have dinner at Downtown Disney's finest establishment: Wolfgang Puck's "The Dining Room." (Naming your restaurant something that generic and making it your own is FOR SURE pretentious...I mean fancy.) After a delightful meal, walk toward the nearby Cirque du Soleil theater for the 9:00 La Nouba show. As I'm sure you know, Cirque shows are delightful and definitely worthy of your visit.

That wraps up a nice little 3 day trip. Hopefully it was kept fun and fancy and a nice escape from the grueling world of fashion and TV. If you have a little more time next time, maybe we trade your full suit for a swimsuit and head for a water park? Haha! Just kidding.

(In case you were playing the "drink each time she uses the word 'fancy'" game, it appeared in some form 12 different times in this post. That's too many. For both of us. I promise to break out the thesaurus next time to keep you from getting drunk while reading a forum post about Tim Gunn going to a theme park. Wait, maybe I'm the one who's drunk.)

stop it! You're killing me!! LOVE IT!!

 

[nan1217]

That's a lot of look.

Oh well, carry on.

You're right. It's a lot crammed into one headshot. I'm calling it Tim Gone Wild.

 

[nan1217]

Tiger Woods has been in a spotlight for most of the last year and now that his divorce is final, he needs some time to just chill for a few days. His life is a roller coaster so no need for rides on this trip.

He can't afford to stop playing golf because he's still in the middle of touring with the PGA and WDW golf courses are top quality so plenty of opportunities to practice. He'll have his friend with (caddie) benefits, Steve Williams, along for the trip because it's the very least Tiger can do after a very public "throwing him under a bus" episode recently.

My thoughts:
It would be super predictable to suggest a celeb needs to stay at the Grand Floridian but we're going to change it up and put you in a Grand Villa all the way at the freakin' Saratoga Springs Spa & Resort. Since rides aren't part of the plan, you might as well get away from the parks. Plus, it has a spa right on site and you're close to some awesome things in Downtown Disney.

Since your schedule is wide open in October, let's try October 12 - 15 for your trip. On Tuesday, have your driver pick you up at your house (living in Orlando makes going to WDW so easy...squee!!!) and get you there by 3.

After you get comfortable in your Grand Villa (said in a pretentious voice), you should have your driver take you to the Boardwalk Inn so you can hang out in the Boardwalk area for the evening. Stop by the ESPN Club for some dinner (because professional sports players love sports restaurants, right?), enjoy some of the Boardwalk festivities and play some mini-golf.

You'll have 2 choices for mini-golf courses in the Boardwalk area - Fantasia Gardens if you're feeling silly and would like to putt around obstacles (and who doesn't?) or Fantasia Fairways which is like an itty bitty real golf course so it's super cute. Small things = cute.

Walk over to the Beach Club/Yacht Club dock where you'll get on the Breathless boat for an Illuminations Cruise. This way you can take a nice little boat ride and see Illuminations without the crowds. Back to the hotel because you've got an early tee time for Wednesday!

Wednesday, you can give your driver the day off because Disney will transport you to golf courses via taxi for free. I know the free part isn't a big deal to you but it is to me. Free taxis = cool.

Have your driver take you to the Palm course which I think you've played before. Since the 18th hole is one of the hardest ever, this will be great practice.

Afterward, have your taxi driver take you to The Polynesian since you're pretty close to it anyway. Enjoy some food at Kona and drink a Lapu Lapu for all of us. Also, a Dole Whip from Captain Cook's for dessert!

Head back to your hotel (oops, gave the driver the day off. Call a cab? If you're feeling like a peasant, take a bus to Downtown Disney and walk the bridge back to your hotel) for a break and call the spa to have 2 masseuses (masseusi? masseuseses?) come to your villa for an in-room massage.

Take some time to chill out, take a shower and get dressed for the evening. Walk on the bridge from Saratoga Springs to Downtown Disney. Do a little shopping (may I suggest some gifts for the kids at the LEGO store or World of Disney?), Team Mickey Athletic Club store for a Disney golf souvenir for yourself and maybe order a wood fire pizza from Wolfgang Puck Express to go.

Thursday! Another day, another early freaking morning for golf. I suppose you're used to that sort of thing by now. This time, head to the Lake Buena Vista course which is the closest one to your hotel so it shouldn't take long to get there.

Go back to your hotel, shower, order some room service. Have your driver take you to the ESPN Wide World of Sports for a minute. This isn't so much a touristy thing as much as it is a fact finding mission. Disney keeps saying the PGA is somehow involved in this place (Annika Sorenstam was even there when they had their rebranding party thing!) so your mission is to find out how the heck golf has anything to do with this building. Get back with us on that. K, thx.

Let's not forget that you've got some serious PR issues going on in the real world so let's spend the rest of Thursday in search of some photo ops to help repair that. So many choices.

Here are some good ideas:
- in front of the golf ball thing at EPCOT. No need to even enter the park if you don't want. Just stand at the gates and have it in the background. I can't decide if it's redundant or meta or ironic to have a golfer posing in front of a giant golf ball building but it seems like a good idea. Make sure to kids get in the pics.
- I take it back. Maybe you should step just inside EPCOT and let a PhotoPass photographer snap a pic of you with EPCOT in the background and you'll be cupping your hand where they will theoretically insert Tink later. Except for that one time my BFF and I cupped our hands together and they forgot to insert Tink and we just looked like idiots. If Disney forgets, use Photoshop or call the Photopass people and ask them to add it. With Tink = super cute. Without Tink = super awkward.
- Need to find some characters to take a pic with because it just wouldn't be a Disney photo op without some. How about finding some at Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary? Lots of characters and kids and wheeeee......twirling napkins! Nothing says "I'm fun and nice, I swear!" like a grown man twirling napkins with Disney characters, amiright?

Bad idea:
- pics with princesses. Just don't.

I'm sure after all of your photo opping, you'll be ready to head back and call it a night.

Friday morning, you'll need to get yourself checked out of your hotel by 11. If you're feeling up to it, stop for some Tonga Toast and Kona coffee at the Poly before heading out of the WDW resort area.

Come back soon. Bring the kids!

Update/Correction: Breathless cruises aren't available but Mr. Woods could choose 1 of the other Illuminations cruises instead.

 

[Pixie Princess]

Bad idea:- pics with princesses. Just don't.

 

[mamaprincess]

I just read the Tim Gunn and Tiger Woods itineraries. This has got to be the most original thread I've ever seen on here! I just crumpled imagining Tim Gunn in all your scenarios and Tiger Woods repairing his PR issues is just too much for me to take!

 

[shaniadobie]

 

[nan1217]

mamaprincess,
Thanks. Super flattering.

 

[mickaholic4077]

So funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bephus]

This. Is. Hilarious.
I totally can see Tim Gunn taking you up on this and going. Someone should forward this to him. Hee hee.
Keep 'em coming!

 

[Sassagoula Billy]

What else can I say, except... THANK YOU MOOD!

 

[nan1217]

Suggestions for who should be the subject of my next itinerary? I keep thinking Paula Deen would be fun but I'd have to figure out my angle on her.

 

[nan1217]

What else can I say, except... THANK YOU MOOD!

 

[seals]

Suggestions for who should be the subject of my next itinerary? I keep thinking Paula Deen would be fun but I'd have to figure out my angle on her.

Paula Deen might like to taste all the food from the various snack carts.

 

[mom2rtk]

Paula Deen might like to taste all the food from the various snack carts.

I'm thinking Paula might like to do the Food & Wine Festival..... maybe she'd have to give them all some pointers or something......

 

[minniebeth]

Oh, my, yes!! An itinerary for Paula Deen around the Food and Wine Festival would be AWESOME y'all!
I love her!

 

[DrMath]

Lurved the Tim Gunn trip. Please do Sarah Palin (hard to find any hunting on property, though they do have catch-and-release fishing).

 

[nan1217]

Please do Sarah Palin (hard to find any hunting on property, though they do have catch-and-release fishing).

I will have to let Tina handle the SP humor because I don't think I can do it and still maintain a normal blood pressure.

 

[rhondag508]

Wonderful thread! LOVE it! TFS!