How fast it all changed.

[Nora03]

I’m so sorry Rodeo. I have been thinking of you every day and will continue to send healing thoughts to you and your family. I am just amazed at your strength and the Dis Community’s loving support.

 

[pooh'smate]

My condolences to you and your family.

 

[bcwife76]

Rodeo I've been following along but have not noted until now as everything I wanted to say just seemed so hollow...

I am so very, deeply sorry for your loss. May you and your children find the strength from each other to go on, he is at peace now, rest his soul.

 

[kimblebee]

I’m so, so sorry for your loss.

 

[fab1976]

So sorry for your loss Rodeo, I have been and will continue to have your family in my thoughts.

 

[wgeo]

Rodeo I am so sorry for your loss.

Throughout this entire process you have shown such wisdom and good judgement, I know that the weeks ahead will not be easy, but I pray you are able to tap into that strength and wisdom to get thru the coming time. Prayers for you and your children (who by the way sound like incredibly thoughtful and wise people as well.)

 

[Snowflakey]

Rodeo - you keep checking in and we will keep lovin' ya all

 

[Sabeking]

Praying peace, support and strength for your family today!

 

[piglet1979]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will continue to have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree that you are incredibly strong but don't forget to allow yourself to set aside that strength from time to time. You also need to rest and care for Rodeo.

My warmest thoughts and condolences to you.

 

[Elleshoodat]

My most sincere condolences to you and your family, Rodeo.

 

[Earstou]

Rodeo, I am so so sorry for your loss. I have cried for you over the last few days.

Peace, grace, strength and love to you in the days ahead!

 

[Lehuaann]

I am so sorry, Rodeo. I know you have a lot of preparations and decisions to make right now. My prayers truly are with you.

 

[lizziepooh]

My condolences to you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your post has been a reminder to me that I need to get my affairs in order, as we never know when we may be suddenly gone or too sick to things.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I 100% agree with this!. I've had some pretty amazing things happen in my life and know in my heart that departed loved ones are still around loving, guiding and supporting us. Yes, feelings and intuition count! My MIL told me about the book "When God Winks" after my FIL passed away. I would also recommend reading it.

Thanks! I debated on posting it, but I hoped it would help Rodeo's children.

Thinking of them today. And I LOVE the idea of a Celebration of Life as opposed traditional services. And the polka-dot shirt story!

How are you doing Excited? I agree with a pp, we are still here for you, too.

 

[DLgal]

Very, very sorry for the loss of your husband and your children's loss of their father. Take care of yourselves and lean on each other in the coming days, weeks, and months. Your husband is no longer suffering and you no longer have to endure the nightmare of this horrible illness.

Peace and love to you all. My heart hurts for your family.

 

[Cesar05]

I'm so sorry for your loss, prayers for you and your children

 

[MJB03]

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s been heartbreaking following this thread, but I have, as if I was keeping tabs on a friend. I can’t imagine what you are going through, and I have no words of wisdom to share, but I just want you to know how inspired I was by your words/actions over the past month. I can only pray that if, God forbid, I am ever put in a similar situation, that I am strong enough to handle it even half as well as you and your family did. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[DisneyOma]

P
I’ve admired your strength through this, but don’t be surprised by a sudden sense of loss and crying jags at the oddest moments. There is no proper way to grieve. Just do what is best for you and your kids.

The above - so true. Rodeo, it's going to be hard, no doubt about it. The 'firsts' are the worst. Do what you need to do for you, and the kids. You're not expected to always stay strong - remember that. (((hugs)))

 

[rodeo65]

The Day After.

So yes, I've started the post countdown as a PP mentioned. Yesterday, he was...

It's just over 36 hrs since DH took his last breath. It seems like a minute ago and at the same time days. Last evening, my children, parents, brother and I went to his final viewing. At least that was what I thought then

We cried a bunch, then we slowly started drawing and writing on his casket. I drew a giant heart and wrote always in it. DD wrote Pad Thai, since that was their favourite meal together. DS wrote Buddy - we actually all call each other that, not just he and I. Well other than DD - we call her Pie. Sweet Pea, became Sweetie Pea - Sweetie Peetie - Sweetie Peetie Pie which has now been shortened to Pie. Anyway, we were all kind of stuck after that for a bit. My parents then wrote that he belonged to them, always. That would have meant so much to him; because of the issues with his family he always said he felt like he belonged more to mine than his own. He never said that directly to them, but my Mom wrote it on his casket. My brother drew a stock chart - DH was involved with the financial markets. I drew a guitar, he used to play. Then we added a cross, some butterflies, DD wrote a giant WE LOVE YOU on the side and drew a heart with everyone's names including the dogs. A Soprano's quote - it was his favourite show ever. "If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them." A tic tac toe with the first X and O drawn - we always did that on restaurant paper table coverings. It became a happy family moment and I'm so glad the funeral home offered the markers.

Today we are going to the golf club to see about a room for his Celebration of Life. We need a dance floor. I can't remember if I mentioned but DS is a competitive Latin dancer. He has made a huge leap in the last six months to the top level of competition and found an amazing partner in December. Their first competition together was the weekend of March 1-4 and DH was planning on coming. Had his ticket and was so excited since he hadn't seen him compete since he was partnering with his sister over a year ago. As it happened, he was not well enough to attend. His pain was ongoing by then and nausea had started. This was a little over week and a half before he went to the hospital. He was so upset to miss it. So, DS and his partner are planning on dancing some of their competition routines to some of DH's favourite songs. Probably a little strange to have dancing at a remembrance, but he wants to dance for his dad.

I also had a call from MIL this morning. She asked about arrangements. So I told her we'd had our viewing last evening and he was to be cremated Saturday. I then offered her a viewing as well. I truly feel DH suggested it because I had no plans to speak to her again after the scene at the hospice and the reaction when I called to tell her he had passed, but in the middle of the conversation I just felt compelled to offer it. She is coming this afternoon. He didn't want any witnesses to his end suffering nor his demise but I don't believe he'd care now and if it gives her closure so be it. The pettiness in me, however has arranged one final visit, closed casket after she leaves because I want to be the last person to spend time with him before cremation. DD has asked to be there too - her motivation was blatantly stated and reflected my hidden one. If she writes anything on his casket that is upsetting or would have been about her guilt rather than honouring him, DD wants to "fix it" before his cremation. So that's what we're doing later this evening. Final visit. DS said he didn't need to be there for that. He's said his goodbye and trusts us to correct anything that needs it. I have offered her a small portion of his ashes if she'd like to make a jewellery remembrance also or add to her husband's mini urn that she keeps. I was clear to the funeral home that this was not a halving, just a small portion for her needs and they will accommodate that. Yep, I acknowledge that may all be petty, but best I can do. There were a lot of pretty unkind things she did and said about DH and about me over the years. I can only get so far past it.