I Find It Hard to be Friendly with People With Opposing Views....

[Hikergirl]

Personally I wouldn't be able to be friends with the kind of person who couldn't even be friendly with someone with opposing views. I'm not talking about things like blatant racism, sexism, breaking the law kind of stuff. I'm talking just run of the mill opposite opinions and views on things, even important things. I think that says a ton more about your character than it does about someone who feels differently than you.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I can definitely be friends with people who have different views. People are complex, and nobody is going to match my thoughts exactly on every subject. It's a matter of whether we have enough in common (and enough not in common to learn from each other) that makes a friendship comfortable and interesting.

My best friend in high school, for instance, was very religious, and I wasn't. I never felt like she was trying to shove anything down my throat, but I did find her views interesting, and we had a lot of fun together. We still keep in touch in spite of distance.

I also had different groups of friends in college who were nothing like each other, and just hung out with them at different times. (These were small differences, of course - this group drinks/that group doesn't - sort of things. If one group had been actively mean to the other, I certainly wouldn't have been OK with that! - I'm very good at compartmentalizing, but there's a limit.)

I do think there's a big difference between thoughts and actions, though. My grandmother didn't have...shall we say...completely modern ideas about race. She simply grew up in a less-enlightened time. But she tried - she was polite to everyone, and I only found out in her later years some of the stereotypes that popped into her head, and she shoved back down. I loved her anyway.

And one of the things I love about the DIS is the variety of opinions - how I can wholeheartedly agree with someone on one subject, and be completely on the opposite side of another, and still be "friends" with them.


........."It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
.

 

[cabanafrau]

My husband and I don't always agree on things and we get along very well. To me it's not important to disagree about things like should your town buy X property and spend X amount to rehab it and turn it into such and such facility or park. My opinion on that might be right or wrong, so it would be ridiculous not to get along with someone over it. Like several other people have said, for me it's different when it comes to issues pertaining to the very essence of humanity and if you've crossed that line I won't care to associate with you. I also won't sit quietly and be told what I think or why I hold an opinion. If you assume my thoughts and then take it further to assume that I merely accepted what I was told or what I heard from X source, I will assume you are both less than intelligent and not deserving of a respectful hearing by me.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Boy, I would have liked to have heard one of you grandfathers' discussions. That sounds fun.

They were a hoot LOL

 

[punkin]

I can be friendly with anyone. There are very few views, short of advocating genocide (yes, there are people like that) that would make me unfriendly. Being true friends is another story, but even then, I mostly don't care about your politcs. I'm more interested in having similar values.

My 19 year old DD is adamant that people who don't agree with her politically are bad, evil people with whom she must break all ties. I figure that's age appropriate and she'll outgrow it just about the time she needs to find a real job in the real world.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I can be friendly/cordial with anyone even if we have opposing views, as long as you don't push your views on me. I'm good at separating logic and emotion. I have friends who didn't vote for the same candidate I voted for. I actually had lunch with one of them yesterday.

There are issues that pertain to humanity, that if we have opposing views on, we most likely can't be friends but I can most certainly smile and nod in your directino in group settings. I would have no desire to hang out with you or any of that though.

My XH is like the PP's DD. If you don't agree with him politically he has no desire to be friends with you. He has stopped listening to some of his favorite artists just because they don't like his candidate. I find it hilarious and immature.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I also won't sit quietly and be told what I think or why I hold an opinion. If you assume my thoughts and then take it further to assume that I merely accepted what I was told or what I heard from X source, I will assume you are both less than intelligent and not deserving of a respectful hearing by me.

Yes!!

 

[loves to dive]

I have no problems with it, who says my views are the right ones other than me? My honey's family believe the total opposite of me in just about everything but I certainly can't not be around them. I'm not even sure they know what my views are, I don't go around announcing them and pretty much don't say anything when they are talking about theirs. I'm a child of the 70s in NM, to each his own.

 

[soccerdad72]

I'm very good at biting my tongue

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm very good at biting my tongue

Not a bad life skill.

 

[MIGrandma]

on important things....

You?

Wow, just to be friendly with someone you can't do that just because of their opinions on "important" things? That's pretty sad. I can't even imagine it, sorry.

I have no problem being friendly with someone with opposing views, and even being best friends with someone like that is certainly no problem for me. My best friend since I was 13 years old (I'm 60 now) has completely opposite political views and she's agnostic whereas I am Christian yet somehow we seem to be able to get along just fine. Why? It's called respect, and knowing that we all have the right to our own personal opinion. We can even talk about those things and not get angry with each other. Maybe if everyone could get along as she and I do the world would be a better place.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Being friendly and being friends are two different things but of course I can both friendly and friends with people who do not share the same opinions as me. If something gets to the point where I'm very uncomfortable with what they are saying and it's something that won't lead to anything good or enlightening I just divert the conversation away.

For instance father-in-law's girlfriend doesn't believe in gay marriage period and that came out in a normal conversation but before it got too far I just diverted the conversation to something else. If I felt comfortable being able to discuss with her my view along with her view I would but she frequently has a "I'm right, I know better" tone of voice and forcefullness in what she says (despite the fact that she often enough is completely wrong in what she says--fact-based things not opinion things) so it's best to just move on to a different topic.

It's easy to see where she got that from too. As a random example, had dinner one night with her mom as well as everyone else and her mom had set the table. I'm left-handed and prefer for the comfort of others if I can sit either next to my husband (who is right-handed) or on the outer edge so either I'm bumping elbows with either my husband or no one. Well she pitched a fit saying I should just deal with it and why would it matter, etc in a very rude way when I requested to move my seat so that I wasn't bumping elbows..but considering my father-in-law's brother (my husband's uncle) is left-handed they were quite used to the seating arrangement and stood up for me--it really came off like it was my fault that I was left-handed and that it was such an inconvenience for her dinner. If I have to sit next to a right-handed person I will it's just for the comfort of the right-handed person that I will shift where I'm sitting. She also has some strong racial intolerance that do make it uncomfortable to speak too frankly about.

Was I friendly to father-in-law's girlfriend and her mom? Of course. But I'm a lot more careful in what topics I speak about in front of her mom and the girlfriend too.

I enjoy talking with people with opposing views but sometimes it's appearant that the conversation likely won't stay on the respectful side and that's the times that I will move the conversation on to something else if possible. Disagreeing on things doesn't mean you can't be polite or friendly to each other though.

 

[TLSnell1981]

No, I don't limit my circle to those, who only think/believe like me. If you only surround yourself with like minded folks, how do you ever grow? I would never want to get stuck in a rut and not evolve or learn new things. How could you hope to change hearts and minds (possibly your own), if you shun those with opposing views?

 

[okeydokey]

I can be civil or polite, but if their views make them a deplorable person, then I have absolutely no respect for them. I'm sure they really don't care I don't either.

 

[Nancyg56]

It depends on what the views are. I won't be friends with people who are racist or discriminatory against people who are different from them, for example, and there are a few other viewpoints that are sticking points for me as well. But racism/discrimination is a big one, and I've cut several friends and relatives completely out of my life because of it.

Yes, this is just about the only line in the sand I have. I can be friendly with just about anyone, and my friends are not required to mirror my own core beliefs. They are expected to respect that I may feel differently, and if they choose to "discuss" I will participate. I will not let anyone use me as a sounding board for a monologue without having the opportunity to discuss the subject, but I will avoid "touchy" areas as much as I possibly can.

Now a bigot or racist or homophobe? All bets are off.

 

[LSUmiss]

I don’t find it hard to be friendly or cordial, but I do admit I might judge the person on what kind of person I think they are if their beliefs are opposed to those that I hold as moral or ethical.

 

[VandVsmama]

I was friends for awhile with a woman who was almost the total opposite of me in terms of opinions on various controversial topics. We had plenty of other stuff in common, though, so we enjoyed spending time with each other. She had always been rather passionate about her stance on various controversial topics and once in awhile, she would voice those opinions. But I would respond very neutrally.

And that worked out fine for quite a long time. Until she started going off the rails. She kind of went nuts over her favorite controversial topics and would start to scream and yell at myself and other mutual friends about these topics. None of us really wanted to get into a huge debate with her. She wouldn't let up. She started loudly vocalizing opinions along the lines of "If you don't agree with me on __, then you are _insert-a-negative-label-here!"

What did in the friendship finally for me was when she started text bombing me at 10:30 pm demanding that I answer to and explain some controversial person's supposed position on Controversial Topic X of the moment. I blocked her # from then on and didn't really talk to her again after that. I got tired of being yelled at and called names. I got tired of her jumping to conclusions and refusing to even have a calm adult conversation about Controversial Topic Of The Day. She had almost lost her mind about it all. Through her behavior and actions, she had demonstrated to myself and many others that she, herself, was, in fact, the names that she tried to label the rest of us with. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. She was relentless on HER 'important topics.' The amount of prejudice from her was totally and completely over the top and kind of insane.

Looking back on it, however, I do think that she was likely dealing with a lot of mental health issues at the time and probably needed to be on some medication. She had a lot of other drama going on in another part of her life and instead of seeking counseling to help cope with that stuff, her stress manifested itself in this way instead. She would read nuances into things you'd say to her that weren't really there.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Friendly? Polite? Kind? Respectful? Yes, I'm all those things to people, regardless of their political beliefs.

Unfortunately, many people haven't treated me with the same kindness and respect. I have family members, who I was previously very close to, shut my family out of their lives due to who my husband and I supported in the presidential election. These were the same family members who we were kind to and never talked about politics to during previous presidential administrations. It was a very eye-opening experience to me.

 

[disney junky]

Wow, just to be friendly with someone you can't do that just because of their opinions on "important" things? That's pretty sad. I can't even imagine it, sorry.

I have no problem being friendly with someone with opposing views, and even being best friends with someone like that is certainly no problem for me. My best friend since I was 13 years old (I'm 60 now) has completely opposite political views and she's agnostic whereas I am Christian yet somehow we seem to be able to get along just fine. Why? It's called respect, and knowing that we all have the right to our own personal opinion. We can even talk about those things and not get angry with each other. Maybe if everyone could get along as she and I do the world would be a better place.

I'm actually talking about people I know well, people who essentially lie or manipulate people or exploit people, positions or situations to their own advantage, but their view on their behavior is that it's perfectly fine. I'm not talking politics, sexual preference, religion, or any of the off limit topics of DIS. I'm talking about integrity, truthfulness. I went back and read my original post and realized how what I was thinking and what it says weren't anything I intended. So sorry.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I was friends for awhile with a woman who was almost the total opposite of me in terms of opinions on various controversial topics. We had plenty of other stuff in common, though, so we enjoyed spending time with each other. She had always been rather passionate about her stance on various controversial topics and once in awhile, she would voice those opinions. But I would respond very neutrally.

And that worked out fine for quite a long time. Until she started going off the rails. She kind of went nuts over her favorite controversial topics and would start to scream and yell at myself and other mutual friends about these topics. None of us really wanted to get into a huge debate with her. She wouldn't let up. She started loudly vocalizing opinions along the lines of "If you don't agree with me on __, then you are _insert-a-negative-label-here!"

What did in the friendship finally for me was when she started text bombing me at 10:30 pm demanding that I answer to and explain some controversial person's supposed position on Controversial Topic X of the moment. I blocked her # from then on and didn't really talk to her again after that. I got tired of being yelled at and called names. I got tired of her jumping to conclusions and refusing to even have a calm adult conversation about Controversial Topic Of The Day. She had almost lost her mind about it all. Through her behavior and actions, she had demonstrated to myself and many others that she, herself, was, in fact, the names that she tried to label the rest of us with. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. She was relentless on HER 'important topics.' The amount of prejudice from her was totally and completely over the top and kind of insane.

Looking back on it, however, I do think that she was likely dealing with a lot of mental health issues at the time and probably needed to be on some medication. She had a lot of other drama going on in another part of her life and instead of seeking counseling to help cope with that stuff, her stress manifested itself in this way instead. She would read nuances into things you'd say to her that weren't really there.

Yikes!