It doesn't really matter whether it is fair or not. It sounds like the OP did this all hastily without preparing any kind of paperwork, lease agreements or anything else 19 years ago. We don't know if Mom filed a gift on her return that year. OP may be LEGALLY, despite what is morally fair, obligated to return Mom's investment. The legal paperwork we had to fill out for my mother to accept a large amount of money from a relative was pretty detailed on the terms of the money. If none of that is in place, the OP might be up the creek regarding the money. The mom should have had a financial advisor 19 years ago, but so should have the OP.Why should the siblings have gotten something from mom and the OP has to pay her portion back? How is that fair? If OP should pay her share back, then so should the siblings.
Family meeting is needed immediately. OP has carried the load for 19 years. It's time for the rest of the family to step up.
I can't imagine a grownup being so childish and needy. We lost my grandmother 40 years ago. Grandfather had no clue how to do any household tasks. My mom and my aunts taught him how to cook, do laundry, etc... He lived for another 15 years on his terms. Sure he burned some dinners and had some laundry mishaps, but he carried on. In the OP's case that ship has sailed, but mom apparently can handle some autonomy (wintering elsewhere). A senior apartment might just be the best thing for her.
I don't envy the OP, this is a difficult situation. I don't think all the nastiness is warranted.
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