Ms, Mrs or Miss?

[Summer2018]

I hope to get some insight into American culture. I have never been married, no children, etc. During my last trip I was called Mrs on multiple occasions. Sometimes this was by cast members that would not necessarily have known that I was travelling solo but even had I not been alone I think they may have called me Mrs out of habit.

While I understand that using someone’s name is often considered good service I was quite taken aback to be called Mrs. I’m Australian and when dealing with the public in my job we are always instructed to use Ms for women unless we have information that they have a different title (Mrs, Dr, etc.). My parents got divorced when I was young and my mother does not like being called Mrs. My friends are a mixture with some married some not and not all that are married have taken their husband’s name. Similarly, some do and some don’t have kids and therefore don’t always share a last name with their children. The reality is that the portion of them that go by Mrs is less than half (and we’re well into our 30’s).

I know the Australian culture is much more casual and therefore many services simply use first names. What’s the norm in the USA? Does it vary with regions and it was just because Florida is in the south that people called me Mrs?

I always use Ms. unless I know for a fact that someone is married. I live in the northeast.

 

[RedAngie]

I prefer Ms. but its no big deal if someone addresses me as Miss or Mrs.

I sometimes get Mrs. Husband's Last Name, even though I've always kept my maiden name. Again, no big deal.

 

[disneychrista]

When in doubt use Ms. I works for both married and single.

Ms. / Miss both sound the same.

I don’t understand the hate for use of Ma’am to address an adult female.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

In some parts of the US, “Miss First Name” is a way of denoting respect, regardless of marital status.

Personally I love being called, “Mrs.,” but it happens pretty rarely these days...

 

[NYCgrrl]

I don't think a person's marital status is important to the average conversation so prefer to use and be called Ms. as the feminine equivalent of Mr.
I've found that most people at the lower end of the service industry use the term "Miss" and further up, "Ms.". I suspect it has to do with how much interaction a worker has with a customer.

I dislike being called by my first name without first being asked permission which probably wont be given, LOL. Presumptuous and assumes a personal relationship that probably doesn't exist.

I love the fact that the French have stepped away from writing their never finished official dictionary to agree that "Madamoiselle" is out dated and "Madame" is a better word to use by females of all ages.

 

[NYCgrrl]

When in doubt use Ms. I works for both married and single.

Ms. / Miss both sound the same.

I don’t understand the hate for use of Ma’am to address an adult female.

I tolerate the use of "Ma'am" but don't encourage it or use it myself. Sounds too servile to my ears.

 

[L&Lfan]

Mademoiselle is literally my young lady.
ma ( my) demoiselle ( a young unmarried lady)

 

[slpeters]

I always refer to people in a professional setting by their last names and always use Ms. for women unless I am actually corrected which has only happened a couple times.

 

[SaintsManiac]

Wow I am kind of shocked that people hate Miss + first name! It's just the way it is in the south, so I would never think that is annoying or disrespectful. When people in their 20s started doing it to me I realized I had reached a certain age. However, I know they were being respectful.

I also say ma'am or sir to anyone I am thanking over the phone or in person in a position of service. I always thought that was the right thing to do. Guess my southern ways are showing.

 

[L&Lfan]

I was taught to say sir and ma’am when addressing anyone older than myself, even my parents, and I still do it now, although they’re mostly younger than I these days.

 

[fly girl]

You can call me Miss, Ms, Mrs, miss, or ma'am. I take no offense to any of them. Working with the public, those are all considered polite to grab my attention.

"Hey, you" is what I don't like. And for the most part I am not a huge fan of a man calling me "sweetie" or "hun," but you can typically tell by the tone and attitude if it is meant sincerely or as a demeaning phrase. If it is the later, then I will correct them. Otherwise, it is just fine.

 

[disneychrista]

I tolerate the use of "Ma'am" but don't encourage it or use it myself. Sounds too servile to my ears.

I rarely hear it other than when someone is calling after someone "Ma'am, you forgot your umbrella" Or "Ma'am you dropped a wad of $100 bills." Miss could also be used in these instances.

Miss, Ma'am, Ms., Mrs. I really don't care. I get more annoyed with people miss spelling my first name. Especially when they have been told several times the correct spelling.

 

[wgeo]

I don't care at all what people call me, although I do appreciate it when they get my first name right. My husband has a public job and a few titles/degrees and he cares. He would prefer a much more informal way of one of his more common titles with his first name, however a lot of older people prefer to call him Dr. last name, and some Dr. first name. While he prefers more casual, he doesn't ever say anything because he doesn't want anyone to feel bad. I get called a zillion different variations of his title and it's kind of like a game to see when I hear a new one.

I think I mentioned it before there was someone that called me the wrong name for so many years that I never had the heart to correct them.

When we lived up north I don't remember the Miss first name quite as much, but it is incredibly common here in Florida - got it with almost all of my kids coaches/leaders for anything outside of school. A lot more Ma'am down here too, almost never heard that up north.

 

[luvsJack]

Wow I am kind of shocked that people hate Miss + first name! It's just the way it is in the south, so I would never think that is annoying or disrespectful. When people in their 20s started doing it to me I realized I had reached a certain age. However, I know they were being respectful.

I also say ma'am or sir to anyone I am thanking over the phone or in person in a position of service. I always thought that was the right thing to do. Guess my southern ways are showing.

Same here. I actually prefer Miss first name to Mrs Last name. The use of Mrs LN just sounds so formal and a little like someone is in a higher status and I don’t like that at all.

 

[brockash]

I hope to get some insight into American culture. I have never been married, no children, etc. During my last trip I was called Mrs on multiple occasions. Sometimes this was by cast members that would not necessarily have known that I was travelling solo but even had I not been alone I think they may have called me Mrs out of habit.

While I understand that using someone’s name is often considered good service I was quite taken aback to be called Mrs. I’m Australian and when dealing with the public in my job we are always instructed to use Ms for women unless we have information that they have a different title (Mrs, Dr, etc.). My parents got divorced when I was young and my mother does not like being called Mrs. My friends are a mixture with some married some not and not all that are married have taken their husband’s name. Similarly, some do and some don’t have kids and therefore don’t always share a last name with their children. The reality is that the portion of them that go by Mrs is less than half (and we’re well into our 30’s).

I know the Australian culture is much more casual and therefore many services simply use first names. What’s the norm in the USA? Does it vary with regions and it was just because Florida is in the south that people called me Mrs?

It drives me nuts that for women there are different prefixes while there's just 1 for men. I always address women as Ms. and refer to myself as Ms. (I've been married for 20 years, but I've always addressed myself as Ms. before/after marriage.) To me it symbolizes and is a reminder of how different men and women were and in many cases still are treated so differently, so definitely not something I will support. Now I work at a school and am called everything and I always answer to whatever they use, but for me personally I always use Ms. I always never address cards to Mr. and Mrs. man first name, last name... so insane that it's so acceptable.

 

[DisLiss]

I'd really just prefer everyone call me by my first name.

And then beyond titles are the difficulties if you are married and use your maiden name. I still get called Mrs. DH's-Last-Name all of the time anyway, and every so often DH is called Mr. My-Maiden-Name, too, LOL!


As for married women being called Miss and then their first name, I see that as a very common occurrence when the woman in question is dealing with children, especially small children. It's typically used here as a way to show respect, yet not confuse kids with titles and surnames they cannot pronounce. Yes, they need to learn eventually, but if you're in a preschool class you're already repeating the same things 100 times a day just in general kid-wrangling. Adding 150 name and title corrections per day will just lead to you losing your voice (or your mind ) faster.

 

[DisLiss]

It drives me nuts that for women there are different prefixes while there's just 1 for men.

I agree. Aren't we past the point that it somehow matters what a woman's marital status is when you speak to her? I think we certainly are, therefore using the separate titles just seems silly to me, now.

 

[Summer2018]

I'd really just prefer everyone call me by my first name.

And then beyond titles are the difficulties if you are married and use your maiden name. I still get called Mrs. DH's-Last-Name all of the time anyway, and every so often DH is called Mr. My-Maiden-Name, too, LOL!


As for married women being called Miss and then their first name, I see that as a very common occurrence when the woman in question is dealing with children, especially small children. It's typically used here as a way to show respect, yet not confuse kids with titles and surnames they cannot pronounce. Yes, they need to learn eventually, but if you're in a preschool class you're already repeating the same things 100 times a day just in general kid-wrangling. Adding 150 name and title corrections per day will just lead to you losing your voice (or your mind ) faster.

My 3-4 year old students can say “Mrs.” just fine, but many have had trouble pronouncing my last name, so they have called me “Mrs. M.” for many years. It began with little Shane about 15 years ago and stuck after that. I rarely see teachers being called, “Miss first name.” What gets on my nerves is being called, “Teacher.”

 

[sonnyjane]

In reading this, I realize that apart from the few elementary school teachers I may deal with who go by Miss Firstname, I don’t know anybody that uses any of these anymore. I don’t ever use them and I think the only time I’ve heard them used with me is when checking in for a hotel maybe they’ll say “Miss Lastname” which I don’t give a second thought. I am married but frankly I think I prefer Miss/Ms. (which sound the same) to Mrs. Referring to me as “Mrs. Lastname” kind of makes me cringe, like I’m not worthy of a first name and am just so and so’s wife.

 

[maxaroni]

Growing up, it was always MIss or Mrs last name for an adult woman. Unless, it was a close friend of my mom and/or dad then it was “aunt” first name. When I became an adult, I still called moms friends as Mrs last name.

When DS27 was born and growing up, teachers were always Miss or Mrs Last name, even on the longer/harder last names in the younger grades. Where I found the Miss first name was when other moms were referring to me to their children. Tell Miss first hame about your new toy, or thank miss first name for having you over. Some didn’t even use miss and it was just thank first name for having you over. It seems no one said thank Mrs. last name for having you over.

However, when I would refer to others with my DS, I would say Mrs. Last name and when referring to DH, I would say Mr. last name. DH did the same when referring to me to a child, Mrs. last name.